To hate the way my in-laws do the food part of Christmas?

[TattyDevine]

I know I am being unreasonable about what is a common difference of preferences so try and treat it as a lighthearted thread though feel free to tell me IABU because I am.

First: Disclaimer - I am very glad my Parents in law are alive and well and able to spend Christmas with us. Whilst I hate the way the food is done, I am "grateful" that they do it - well, sort of - we do it every second year and we make a better effort at appearing grateful than they do - we at least thank them for the meal and make appreciative sounds throughout. So if anyone says YABU for being ungrateful, fine, but it kinda goes both ways and yes, I would rather be at home doing my own food, I go there for the sake of my DH and children. That's what Christmas should be about - but it is also about the food for me that we do share together, as I love food and preparing food, but accept that others have different views on how it should be done. Accept - not like! Here goes...

I hate the way they dont get a standard normal turkey with legs and wings, but buy 2 turkey crowns, overcook them, having ripped the skin off when they are still raw, discarding it when they know I like it, and serve up mountains of shreds of overcooked sawdusty breast and nothing else simply because they prefer breast.

I hate the way they cook the brussels sprouts the night before (for at least half an hour - in fact, I think they might have put them on already!) and then reheat them in the microwave 5 minutes before the meal is served. They are a deep khaki green colour and smell like hangover farts.

I hate the way the gravy is watery and tastes more like marmite than anything else - due, mainly, to its high marmite content

I hate the way all the other vegetables are burnt to a crisp and then placed on a heated trolley thing 2 hours before the meal is served to stay warm, and I hate the way they turn to cardboard.

I hate the way the smoke alarm goes off every single time, about 30 minutes before they serve up. Get an oven timer. The smoke alarm is supposed to alert you to dangerously high levels of smoke. That's that grey stuff that is billowing out of the oven and making all our eyes stream, by the way.

I hate the way the only drink they put out is Asti Spumante even though we bring champagne and decent Sav Blanc etc which they hide away then hand back to us when we leave because they "dont drink". They dont - but if they dont drink, why not just let us drink what we want to drink? We do ask them for the stuff we bought but then they turn around and say "but we've already opened the Asti!". These days we try and time it so DH takes charge of the "drinks situation" quite a while before dinner is served (hell, by midday I'm gagging for something, ANYTHING) before anything else gets opened and he holds it back now and puts it outside so its cold, but we had to politey refuse the Asti completely one year so it got tipped down the sink to get to that stage as they are pretty stubborn...

I hate the way they hold back the pudding and make us eat biscuits instead after the lunch bit, because "everyone is too full for pudding", when in fact we are not too full for pudding, because we did not overeat, and see no real benefit in consuming the same amount of bulk and calories in biscuits only to eat pudding later when we are, in fact, not hungry.

I hate the way it is assumed that custard does not go lumpy if you dont stir it just because you have cooked it in a bain-marie. It does. You have to stir it to just under the boil whatever you cook it in. And is there anything wrong with a bit of brandy butter? Just because you dont like it? Why not put out the little pot of it we brought with us? It wont kill you from the other end of the table. Hell, let us get it, rather than fobbing us off with "cant' find it in the fridge" (its in the DOOOOOORRRRRR!)

Okay, that's it for me, unless I think of anything eles. I know its mean, but better out than in - I dont want to rant to my own mother or DH about it, because its mean and bitchy, but they are not on t'internet, and it feels good, gets it out of my system and I can turn up and be charming on the day. That's not such a bad thing, is it?

What would you change about the way your parents or parents in law prepare and serve Christmas Dinner?

wow, I'm seriously glad my PILs are dead and i haven't had to endure any of this stuff!! Mil's house was so filthy i never even dared have a cup of tea there, let alone eat anything.
I am lucky thst DH has adapted to the way my family do Christmas and every year we share the duties with my mum and have a lovely time.

Mme Castafiore - your cheese anecdote reminded me of this

Fortunately my in-laws are generous with alcohol, being functioning alcoholics. To the point of refilling glasses when you've told them you're driving/pregnant repeatedly. My MIL is actually an excellent cook but in recent years due to laziness (says dp) serves up m and s veg including roasties. She also serves up all the food in the kitchen and brings it all out one plate at a time so that you can't all start together without someone's food being cold. Even after twelve years my vegetarianism must be commented on at length. FIL is in charge of drinks and racism and bugger all else.
My parents never have enough booze, mum thinks it's evil to spend money on it but copes with drinking ours. Food and atmosphere is always great there until it's time to wash up and then my sisters and I have to resort to being teenagers.

I have Christmas Day itself sorted - I always host, and have done for the last 18 years or so. I moan about it (a lot) but the bottom line is that I like the control. I accommodate veggie or fussy family, but basically we eat what I like to cook. It's the only way. PILs are always invited - sometimes they come, sometimes they don't. DB comes and tries to gain the control and we have a nostalgic sibling fight except now it's fuelled by gin - all part of the fun.

But Boxing Day - argh! Last year we went to PIL's and had baked potatoes and chicken drumsticks - I know it's not the Big Day itself, but FFS make a degree of effort. It was shite. So yes, OP, I feel your pain.

Count yourself lucky OP, my MIL is a teetotal vegan, and strongly disapproves anyone else eating fish/meat/dairy or having a drink. So it's nutroast and Schloer and weird tasteless Christmas pud with soya cream. Luckily we have moved to another country so we stay at home and have champagne and my DH's wonderful cooking!

Oh, how I love christmas dinner at my house EVERY year! Champagne cheapfizz for breakfast, an abudance of food we like, how we like it, at our own pace!

My mum just stays round the corner from me, but she always has my brothers and their families round and its way too crowded, they all traipse in to say hello/have a quick drink on the way to my mums though, then usually younger brother and wife (along with members of dp's family) turn up later on at night for drink/music etc.

Think i've got it knocked off by the looks of this thread!

Oh MarianneM...she's going to live forever ...good move to skip the country.

I'm thinking a sippy cup full of "Mummy Ribena" might warm the cockles a bit...what do you think?

I need a plan ...

See, I am German and we always celebrate on Christmas eve and although it is tradition to have a bird or something this is not the case in my family. One year my mum just refused and said that Christmas is for enjoyment and family time and she, as part of the family, does not want to be in the kitchen for ages. So our Christmas dinners are now things we can prepare in advance and the stick in the oven to cook when coming back from church or something. Small, easy things.

If we feel like huge turkey/goose/duck dinner it's sometimes in the run up to christmas.

Christmas day is traditionally spend in the cinema. Working shifts for years my mum started this tradition because it is fun for the whole family and one of the only times of the year something like that was possible with all of us. We still do this and I am in my twenties now.

When I have children I will celebrate Christmas on Christmas eve, can not imagine it any other way! I will be in control of (small) food.
I am willing to then endure whatever food is being served in Christmas day before I'll take the kids to the cinema

OP - the hip flask idea is GENIUS !

YANBU, veg cooked the night before for half an hour blugh, and marmite gravy aghghgh. Turkey cooked without skin yuck it will dry out completely. Invite them over to yours I say.

I don't blame you. It's not a difficult meal to cook FFS so why screw it up!

SIL used to cook the turkey the night before and serve it cold with hot gravy

Plan: you have a terrible cough and so need to take medicine on a regular basis. The medicine is of course sloe gin (convincingly smelly and sticky).

My MIL comes to us for dinner every year.

She is suffering from dementia.

Last year she ate a three course meal.

Twenty minutes later she said "what have you had to eat, I haven't had anything?

So I had to serve her another 3 course meal, and she ate it all.

My cooking can't be that bad.

I would so love to have christmas at home, i have been married for 22 years and every year we have gone to MIL, our children now have partners and I would love to let them be with each other at christmas wether it be at their home our ours... plus I'm so fed up of waiting till 6 to have 'christmas dinner', when dear children were small we had to take the phone off the hook as the in laws would call and ask how do you like such and such we bought you... they usually hadnt even got to that present by the time they phoned, they wanted to know what time we would be coming 'be early so we can have dinner early' we would turn up about 1ish and then every year the same wait for SIL and BIL to come as they would go to his parents first then his brothers then when they did come they werent really hungry as they have had lunch... obviously in laws put the meal back and hour or two for their dd and sil.. just once I would like to say 'I cooked christmas dinner' dh always sighs and says we have to go 'its tradition' even when they dropped his dinner on one if the chairs and scrapped it back on to the plate and served it to him he still goes back for more...things may have been different if my parents were alive when we had our first christmas at least we could have come to some arrangement one year with them two years not...

Ask your PIL when they started doing Christmas at their house-I bet they have had years of it and point out that you want the same i.e. Christmas in your own home.
I don't know why people do it. Simply announce that you are staying at home and they are welcome to join you.

mothernature - it's not the law you know. You are allowed to change things.
Start on DH now and say this is the year you are changing the traditions. They can come to you.

YANBU this year I've put my foot down and I am at home for my first Christmas day ever since having children. Not my parents nor my PILs. It would take too long to tell you about my MIL suffice to say she eats like a bird and is out of the habit of cooking as she works so hard. Her meals are a diappointment every year and very small. The fact I'm divorcing their son for continued adultery probably helped me change the status quo without too much upset. Although she seemed to think I should drive up to their house in Scotland they've recently moved to (9 hr drive) with the young DCs and my X and his OW could be there too, all at the same time for 7 days together and play happily families... Errrr no! I was always grateful when they lived nearby and I could pop by for half a day only. 7 days with them all?

YANBatallU - it reminds me of my ex's mother who cooked all the veg until they were mush, chose veg she knew none of her children liked (sprouts and swede) and banned crackers for being unchristian.

It was so miserable I cried in the car on the way home

We usually take turns going to our parents' houses for Christmas dinner. While there's nothing wrong with my MIL's cooking usually I just don't like the way she cooks the turkey and ham a couple of weeks in advance and carves it and wraps it in little parcels with gravy and then freezes it ready to be reheated on Christmas day. It's just not right! I don't eat meat anyway so it doesn't really make a difference to me but it just feels wrong :(

This year we are cooking Christmas dinner in our house for the first time ever! Eek! Thankfully it's for my family and my mum will be with me every step of the way! :)

Lots of rechauffe going on with the meat in your inlaws - I suppose it just being the sprouts isn't too bad...though pre-cooked turkey soaked in gravy has got to be a little more moist that MIL's which is dry as a fuck without foreplay as you like.

It is a lot to time it so its all hot and ready at once for lots of people. But you shouldn't mess with the meat. Serving it up cold with everything else hot is the worst though. There oughta be a law!

I have no idea how PIL's do xmas as we have only been invited once and that was when I had a baby and 2 toddlers but 3 days before xmas MIL decided she couldn't take the pressure and was coming to us instead!!

I had to charge out and buy everything as they were keeping what they bought and didn't bring anything with them.

I have not had them back since!!

I thought I finally had Christmas sussed this year. Just me, DH and our two DDs aged 12 and 6mths by then after 12+ years of taking turns which set of parents we'd be with. PILs boxing day 4 a few nights then my parents for a couple of days BUT...

"We thought we'd have the full Christmas dinner with you on Boxing day as we've got BIL and wife on Christmas day and they're veggie" MIL

Mum and Dad are now coming a day earlier so I now have total house full and DH announces he's working the none BH days!!! Arhh!!!!!!!

Have been lucky and all relatives can cook. I suspect if they couldn't and particularly if no decent wine and wouldn't open ours I'd just refuse to go and keep inviting folk round to our house saying the kids prefer to be at home etc.
I'd visit the rellies at New Year when the food isn't such a big part of the celebration.
We rarely travelled as kids for Christmas so I don't see insisting on staying at home if you have kids as unreasonable.
Some of the issues sound sortable with communication though ie "we don't like Asti so WILL drink the wine we bought"

"Can I help you do more potatoes as we like alot"

"Can you leave the Marzipan Jesus for little Flo please"

Wow OP and everybody, I have so enjoyed reading all your contributions! Puts my Christmas niggles into perspective - it's just so nice to know I'm not alone!

I am "doing" Christmas for the first time for my DPs, DSis, DB and broods (been married nearly 13 yrs, but my mum and my older sister have had it sewn up between them for everso long!) - have had a couple of disasters on Hogmanay and suchlike. I still remember the one where my sister and her entire family refused to eat any goose ... because geese go "honk" and are somehow cute ... oh and they didn't like the vegetables either. My mum (who will eat anything very politely except shellfish which we all know) has already been on the phone, I think on DSis' behalf, warning me not to do anything "fancy" ...

Happy planning for Christmas. OP whatever you do, politely decline the biscuits ...!