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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

4.7,too young for tea and a play?

92 replies

motherbeyond · 14/10/2010 19:47

aibu,or is dh? dd has just started school and this pm one of her classmates asked if she could go to his house for tea and a play next week. i said yes,but have just told dh and he says no way,that she's too young.
i have never met his dad but have gotquite friendly with his mum as she walks halfway home with me if i see her that am/pm(same village)
what says the mn jury?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 14/10/2010 19:48

Go for it

BackgroundRacket · 14/10/2010 19:48

I say it would be fine.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 14/10/2010 19:49

It is fine.

Hedgeblunder · 14/10/2010 19:49

Yep fine

bigchris · 14/10/2010 19:49

Your dh is wierd

TheBolter · 14/10/2010 19:50

Absolutely fine! My lot were having 'play dates' (hate the term) at three!

LoopyLoupGarou · 14/10/2010 19:51

What are his objections?

Why don't you go along too, for the first time?

unusualspectre · 14/10/2010 19:53

Its fine, your dp has issues Grin

Original poster
motherbeyond · 14/10/2010 20:32

he's made me nervous now!he is looking over my shoulder and says his objections are as follows;
he dosn't know the family/father
children at this age arevery impressionable
she's never been away from us
there's no guarantee that they're not the next fred and rosemary west (it was actually very difficult for me totype that with my eyes rolling so much! Grin)

OP posts:
hatwoman · 14/10/2010 20:37

the only way to "guarantee" your dd is protected from pyschopaths is to not let her out. ever.

it's hard to let go. but the consequences of not doing it, and the benefits of doing it, make it worthwhile.

MumBarTheDoorZombiesAreComing · 14/10/2010 20:38

It is nerve racking but it has to happen at some time.

I'm sure he wouldn't like it if the other mums at school were presuming he's some axe wielding wiedro tho Grin

rodformyownback · 14/10/2010 20:38

Perhaps your DH could ask to see their CRB certificates!Wink

DaftApeth · 14/10/2010 20:40

''children at this age are very impressionable
she's never been away from us
there's no guarantee that they're not the next fred and rosemary west''

Or alternatively (and more likely), they could be a very pleasant, normal family who have been very kind to have invited your dd back to their house for a play and tea!!

Is he going to want to meet all the family for every friend your dd has before she can go to their house? Hmm

As a compromise, you could say to the mum that your dd is a bit anxious and would she mind if you went too?

Whocantakeasunrise · 14/10/2010 20:40

I'm fearing for your dd ever having a boyfriend.

Whocantakeasunrise · 14/10/2010 20:42

What age does he think she is allowed round for to someone's house for tea?

MrsRhettKilledTheButler · 14/10/2010 20:45

i don't let dd go to friends from schools houses. shes five btw

if i don't know the parents well, then she doesn't go

Bloodymary · 14/10/2010 20:47

Oh for heaven sake, my little girl has been going for tea with friends since she was 3 years old.
The idea of Fred and Rosemary West never entered my head.
And yes, I dont know what will happen when your DD wants to go out with a boy!!

ballstoit · 14/10/2010 20:47

Well, I wouldnt be comfortable to let my DC go to friends houses that I had known less than a few weeks, and whose house I had not been to.

Mainly because I worry that other households do not share my safety standards eg dogs left alone with children, alcohol, cleaning products or medicines left within children's reach, paddling pool left uncovered.

This is probably massively over protective but as acquaintances of mine have all had their children suffer as a result of my examples I dont trust other parents judgements immediately (all have been people I've thought of as pretty good parents before the incidents have happened).

My oldest is 5 and he has been to play at 3 friends houses, all of which I have been to first for a party or 'playdate'.

runmeragged · 14/10/2010 20:48

I picked up a 4.1 yo with my DS from reception a couple of weeks ago for tea, play etc. Was fine. The mum had visited my house once and obv thought I was not an axe murderer!

However, it is young and not all reception children are ready for it. They can forget at the end of the day and look for their mum in the playground etc. If you think your DD will be OK, go for it. I usually go with my DS the first time so that he's used to the place and I know the family are just ordinary people with a reasonable attitude to safety etc.

Itsjustafleshwound · 14/10/2010 20:49

I do agree that you have to be careful about what happens to your child, but at the same time you can't keep them in cotton wool at all times.

Could you not ask if you can come to keep an eye on her or change the venue to a neutral one

squeaver · 14/10/2010 20:50

Do you go to school with her? Otherwise she has, indeed, been away from you.

Absolutely appropriate at age. Turn up a little early to pick her up if you like.

Will your dd want to go do you think?

Hulababy · 14/10/2010 20:52

My DD started school at 4y5m. She went for her first playdate within the first week or two. I had not visited the parent's house, didn't go with her but did collect her later on. I knew the parents from the school playground.

She;d never been to a friends to play on her own before school, apart from with our close friends.

Never looked back. As it happens I am now really good friends with the mum and DH and I get on well with both mum and dad. We are godparents to their young son. So did me and DD a lot of good.

DD went on regulalry playdates with all her class mates, both at ours and theirs, all the way through reception and beyond.

Never had an ounce of problems.

MaeMobley · 14/10/2010 20:52

My DD aged 4.5 is going on her first after school play date on Monday. I have only met the mum briefly at the park/ on the school run.

I am not worried and DD is very excited.

DomesticG0ddess · 14/10/2010 20:55

DS is 3 and goes to his closest friends' houses without me, and we have them back to ours. I thought this was completely normal!

DomesticG0ddess · 14/10/2010 21:03

Having read your other post, would like to add that these are people I know really well - I can understand your DH being a bit Hmm if he doesn't know them at all, so agree with ballstoit really.