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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my DH to stop?

111 replies

Flossie69 · 08/10/2010 20:54

or am I just being too precious about it?

Please be gentle with me, as this is my first foray into AIBU.

The story is this:-
My DD is 4.5 months, no where near ready weaning, obviously. My DH thinks its funny to give her tiny tastes of chocolate mousse from his spoon when he is eating it. She doesn't seem to object, and hasn't been ill as a result. I have asked him to stop, but he doesn't see the harm.

So, AIBU to tell him no, or am I being too precious, and no harm will come to her? I am worried that she will become a chocolate monster!

Please could you help us settle this?

OP posts:
Yummygummybear · 10/10/2010 09:21

IMO YANBU.

I don't think there is any need for babies to have choc/sweets etc as a 1st taste.

My DS was over 2 years before I let him have a taste of chocolate.

5DollarShake · 10/10/2010 10:04

Why would it be all the OP has to complain about? Confused

AIBU isn't just for life and death matters.

InGodWeTrust · 10/10/2010 10:12

My child is 8 months, and I have staved off jarred food and chocolate. Babies have a natural sweet tooth, the reason pear is suggested by the medical boards is because it is the LEAST sweet of the fruits. It's wise to stave off indulging her sweet tooth (otherwise you'll be paying for it when she's older).

Besides who wants a child with holes in their milk teeth? I think you have to be responsible (well you are, but you as in the general "you").

If you think she is hungry beyond her milk, try her with baby rice, or pureed pear. If the milk is satisfying for her, then great, keep up with it.

My ds weaned at 4 months merely because he's a little fatty but it was baby rice for the first 8 weeks!

Take it slow and let your baby guide you. Tell your husband what I tell mine;
"No uterus, no opinion".

Ragwort · 10/10/2010 11:22

InGodWeTrust - your PFB may only be 8 months now but are you really going to see 'no uterus, no opinion' to your DH when your son is older and presumably you want to share your parenting responsibilities - I never cease to be amazed about the controlling measures some mothers will go to - you will only have yourself to blame if your DH doesn't turn out to be an involved father.

InGodWeTrust · 10/10/2010 11:28

Oh he's involved in pretty much all the aspects, baring the birth and nutrition. And as the designated chef in our household what goes on the table is eaten, and therefore I get dibs of what to feed my ds !!

If he turned around and said well now he's going to start eating chocolate or drink fizzy drinks I would pull rank.

fedupofnamechanging · 10/10/2010 11:31

Back when DS1 was a baby (13 years ago) we were told to wean at 4 months. My DS is perfectly healthy and no harm came to him as a result of being weaned at that time, so I wouldn't worry too much about your baby just having a taste. 6 months is a guideline, some babies will be ready a bit earlier, others a bit later.

That said, you don't want your baby to develop a taste for chocolate and reject vegetables/fruit. Maybe explain this to your DH so he understands that he could be making things harder in the future.

Failing that, I would go with previous advice and bin eat the mousse.

proudnglad · 10/10/2010 11:49

I weaned ours at 4 months.

But I'd def not be introducing her to choc. Well not regularly. Mine had all the revolting baby rice and fruit and veg for months before being allowed chocolate.

Weirdly I'm now incredibly lapse and my kids eat junk all weekend. I think I've given up.

terryble · 10/10/2010 12:19

You are most definitely not being unreasonable.

Points I would like to make:

  1. Decisions on one's child's nutrition should not be made on the basis of what is "funny". That way lies stuff like this link I was sent the other day. I bet the father there thought it was just harmless fun.

Seriously, it sounds like he's just using a 4 month old as a tool to piss you off! I really hope I've misunderstood you here...

  1. Any man who cannot bond with/learn to look after his child without using food is more than a tad pathetic. If feeding her is so important to him, and his main motivation, can he not just give her a bottle of, you know, milk?

  2. I think the chocolate monster possibility could well happen. I have a friend who felt "mean" about not sharing chocolate (she sees sharing food as showing love). At two, she was kicking her mother for chocolate if she saw her eating any. At three, she's going under general anaesthetic for fillings and extraction.

  3. Seriously, weaning was hard enough in this house- if it didn't taste like milk, they weren't having it. If they'd had chocolate to compare dinner to, the health visitors would have probably have induced a nervous breakdown!

finefatmama · 10/10/2010 13:23

I wouldn't compare smoking to licking chocolate personally. This is as big a deal as you choose to make it but don't allow anyone to pass judgement on your dh or your marriage just because the baby licked some chocolate mousse. It'll be the least of your worries in the years to come.

I think it's a good opportunity to explore your different opinions about raising children and how you will solve those differences. When it comes to kids, couples often disagree on when and how to discipline, whether to vaccinate, how to dress the kids (I'm warm and he's cold so the kids must feel how we're feeling and dress accordingly) , choice of school, best after school activity, childcare options. great time to set the scene for the future without undervaluing and undermining yourselves.

Weaning advice isn't cast in stone and it's just guidelines. I was advised by HV and bf counsellor to wean at 16 weeks because ds1 was obviously ready (that was just 5 years ago). I was also told that my diet had an effect on the taste of breastmilk and that the baby would acquire a sweet tooth and a preference for curry because of my diet and I never shared my chocolate mousse with my kids. It was probably true because his grandmother fed him a slightly hot curry at 6 months and he ate the whole thing. I was mortified but he was fine.

It is often lamented that families don't do mealtimes together, many don't possess a dining table (so we went out and bought one) and that this an important time for families to get together. I don't think it's about the food as much as using it as an opportunity to get together.

terryble · 10/10/2010 13:28

It's not so much intended as a direct comparison between the chocolate and the smoking, as an illustration of why "it's funny" is not necessarily adequate reasoning for doing something.

finefatmama · 10/10/2010 16:37

I take your point on that one. I would like to think that OP and dh have better judgement.

When my uncle and his friends tried to get my baby brother to puff as a kid, he choked and spluttered until he got sick. That kid is either a born pro or was taught to smoke thru 'perseverance'. Now that I think about it, I never told my parents

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