to repost my friends Facebook status on AIBU?

[NorksBoobsTitsKnockersBreasts]

She said I could

"Apparently I'm supposed to post a sexually tinted description of where I keep my handbag as my status. Allegedly this will help raise awareness of breast cancer.

Information about how and when to examine ones breasts would obviously be of no use whatsoever. Neither would be mentioning the significance of breastfeeding in reducing ones risk of developing breast cancer.

OK"

Now, I don't know this 'friend' well (I've not seen her for years) but I like her a whole lot more than I already did after this.

"I loathe this message on FB and have received it twice." - then ignore it. Or delete those friends who offend you so deeply.

"I can't stand the false "empowerment" of this post - let's see how powerful we women really are - if posting this is how we express our power in the world, then frankly God help us." - It was a laugh, pure and simple, and a bit of a joke at the expense of the menfolk. Hardly "empowerment", although it is interesting that men haven't IMK done the same.

"This post doesn't do anything to increase genuine awareness of breast cancer, e.g. reminders of breast checking, campaigning on mammogram access and takeup, reminder of risk factors etc." - we all get enough detailed information on breast cancer, most of us know all this stuff, but forget it in the day to day. It's good to be reminded in a quick, light-hearted way, without being lectured.

"Instead it's a horrible, twee game trying to present some ridicolous quasi-flirtatious status to male FB friends - absolutely nothing empowering about that." - I didn't do this for my male friends, none of whom I would want to flirt with. It comes across as pompous and belittling, and if I were your friend, I personally would feel like you were judging me, and criticising me. I would not want you constantly putting me down this way.

"Breast cancer (and indeed all cancer) patients deserve to be treated with respect and dignity."- Obviously, and so those who participated are not, presumably doing so?

" Of course cancer campaigns don't just have to be serious, but this is not one I feel comfortable supporting or sharing. " - you have just damned all those who participated. Nice.

" Last time I looked breast cancer was the second commonest cancer in women in the UK - don't think anyone needs their general awareness raised." - my point exactly, but a little reminder it exists doesn't hurt.

I wasn't implying that your fb contacts are not your friends, just asking - why talk to a friend like that? I was actually trying to be helpful - perhaps in a rather ham fisted way (yes I know - hard to believe!) - just trying to point out how recipients of your message might feel about it. You might not be bothered by their reaction - in which case fine [shrugs]

Anyway, you are obviously very upset and I appreciate that this is a raw subject...and I don't want to unintentionally piss you off / upset you any further so will leave it there.....

Saliz, why would I want to have a "bit of a joke at the expense of the menfolk"? My DH went through hell when I was ill, was brilliantly supportive, still is with dealing with the long term after effects and I love him for it. Joking at his expense via some tacky chain letter doesn't do it for me. I think I'll just stick to being a joyless fucker.

We haven't all had the misfortune of suffering directly from this nasty disease. However, I have experienced personal loss through ill-health. If you don't like the status, fine. But YABU if you expect everyone to be agonising over; "OH, shall I post this because it might offend-so and-so whose cousin's aunty's best friend had breast cancer?"

Some people may not want to laugh over this, but it is unfair to lecture and ridicule those who find it funny, or make out that they are beneath you intellectually, socially, or morally. It is not making fun of cancer.

YANBU - I got the email (twice) about this and decided to ignore it, although I like your friends update. :)

i love the op's friend.

i am joyless and proud.

Well I am really glad I am not one of your "friends", getting constantly judged over every little post I make! I would be horrified if any of my friends made a comment like that. If they really think that little of me, I think I'd rather they just deleted me off their list.

Why is one side of an argument judgemental for expressing their feelings, whilst the other side is not when they do the same? Why is a view that cancer isn't all about the fun to be demonised, even though the people holding that view are not demonising those who want it to be about the fun, but are simply saying "sorry, its not for me, because I feel differently about cancer"? Why isn't there room for people to raise awareness in the way that suits them as individuals? Why does one side of this argument have to shut up, whilst the other side gets to put up and be vocal about it?

salizchap you've joined a discussion where you have (at your own admission) not read all the posts on the thread, nor felt it necessary to pay attention to the personal histories and experiences being recounted, yet its just fine for you to shoot from the hip and express your opinion in the most robust manner. Somehow you expressing your opinion of me (as a pedantic tight arse) is not judgemental whilst mine is for saying "sorry this isn't for me". Does that really sound entirely balanced to you? I am not judging my friends who are participating in this FB campaign, I am choosing not to participate myself whilst taking part (elsewhere) in a discussion about why that is. Please don't put words or intentions into the mouths and hearts of people trying to express something that is both difficult and very important to them.

I am delighted that you feel you'd be relaxed about any type of campaign for heart-related conditions and I do hope that you never have to feel the way I do ... which is marginalised and judged and told off, that I have to keep quiet about how I feel, that my feelings are less important than everyone else's feelings, that should I have the temerity to express my feelings I will upset everyone which would be mean and judgemental of me, that basically I should just shut the fuck up and keep my feelings to myself. I do hope you never have to feel that way ... because its feels pretty crap. You know what, having cancer isn't as hard as dealing with the sort of attitude you have voiced on this thread. Whilst you're not alone in voicing it, neither am I alone in feeling how I do.

I will close by saying: My name is Debs and its been a pleasure to have met other joyless fuckers on this thread, I want to say that reading your words and knowing that I am not alone has made participating in this thread utterly worthwhile.

I just wanted to express how I was moved and enlightened by this thread, my friendship and best wishes to the amazing contributors x

Midnight you are wonderful :) I too am a joyless fucker. But that's fine.

And for those of crying about my remark about intellect and class are the ones it was directed at. If it makes you feel better to have a little giggle and send it round to your friends, instead of setting up a message group where on, lets say, the first of the month you send out a message of "Check your breasts girls". I believe this will help a lot more than buying a bastarding pink pen with a fluffy end, and everything thinking they've done their part. Cancer awareness is not ALWAYS about raising money for the cause, but bring bastarding awareness to this bastard of a disease. And yes I made the class divide, for 2 reasons;

1. I don't want to be associated with people who wear candy coloured lipstick (;) )
2. I don't tend to be associated to people who think that changing a bloody facebook status is raising awareness about cancer.

Thankfully due to this thread it has done exactly that, and I've learnt more from this thread then a few women trying to beg for mens' attention.

The message is clear, check your breasts, properly, ask your girlfriends and female relatives to do the same. Bollocks to pink crap and walking around dressed up as God knows what.

I also dislike the remark about people not contributing to cancer research merely because they don't want to look like a fool. Many people give to cancer and raise awareness in doing so. I personally find nothing more empowering than a woman who has BEAT this bastard of an illness, and saying "I've survived it because I caught it in time, you might not be so lucky". Surely it's more important to let men in on this? He can remind his wife, rather than trying to create a ridiculous hype about where you keep your bloody handbag.

Over and out.

Oh ffs. There always has to be a bunfight doesn't there?
Someone is always marginalised and offended and someone is always an offensive bully.

I completed the race for life earlier this year but I promise I won't do it again in case I offend some random fucker.

I hate Mumsfuckingnet sometimes.

good work Cain, now that you run the race you can call us random fuckers. Here's some clown pants for you, you earned them

have a nice day Cain, I'm sure you have your own reasons to get you in that race to start with.

I just react badly to the words random + fucker x

I've stolen the status.
I think I might get flamed though....

I've already had two favourable commetns - one says
"I think the entire campaign reflects a male-dominated sexualised view of breasts, which ironically, leads some women to be too embarrassed to seek help for breast lumps etc."

She sounds like a humourless misery.

oh stop whining. We don't all see cancer as a hilarious subject.

I'm genuinely perplexed at this notion that anyone who doesn't like the handbag thing is 'humourless'.

Do those of you who are saying that really, genuinely think it is actually properly funny? It's just one half-arsed, weak joke repeated ad nauseaum. I see and hear funnier stuff literally every single day, and surely you do too.

Equating it with Comic Relief (as in 'you probably want Comic Relief cancelled as well') is just odd.

Cain I am sorry you are so angered by this. "Someone is always marginalised and offended ... " sadly so, because we're all individuals and we live somewhere we're fortunate in being permitted to think and feel like individuals. Its also hard not to be offended when you are dubbed a joyless fucker and a pedantic tight arse simply for describing what you are feeling.

Many congratulations on doing the run for life and I have every confidence that you'll do it again, if you believe that to be the right choice.

This is an emotive subject and I'm sorry if my contributions have angered, hurt or upset people - it was not my intent. I do feel its a very important subject, precisely because it is one of those things that is never talked about. I wish a discussion could be had without it turning into a bunfight, I really really do

Midnight "Why is a view that cancer isn't all about the fun to be demonised, even though the people holding that view are not demonising those who want it to be about the fun, but are simply saying "sorry, its not for me, because I feel differently about cancer"?"

-There is no problem about not wanting to join in. You have misinterpreted my meaning. It simply isn't necessary to make others feel like they have committed some kind of offence for taking part, though, is there?

"salizchap you've joined a discussion where you have (at your own admission) not read all the posts on the thread, nor felt it necessary to pay attention to the personal histories and experiences being recounted" -

-FWIW, I have actually apologised for "shooting from the hip", and have read all the posts from before writing the apology. I admit I was wrong to get so het up about it and should have toned down my rhetoric. However, I stand by my general opinion, that the OP came across as highly judgemental and critical of anyone who put the hand bag chain on their status.

There has been also at least one other negative thread recently about the posts people put on their statusses on FB. It gets to the point where I feel like whatever I post there, there will be someone smirking and/or getting offended.

"yet its just fine for you to shoot from the hip and express your opinion in the most robust manner."

• for which I have already apologised. Sorry.

" I am not judging my friends who are participating in this FB campaign,"

-you might not have been, but others were, I wasn't directing all my posts at you personally.

"I am choosing not to participate myself whilst taking part (elsewhere) in a discussion about why that is. Please don't put words or intentions into the mouths and hearts of people trying to express something that is both difficult and very important to them."

• I don't have a problem with people not participating. If a status comes up that I don't care about I either ignore it, or if it is offensive (ie racist etc) I delete and block that person.

The OP was about a person who actually posted a very negative and pompous post on FB, which would have been read by people who had probably posted the original handbag thing.

"I do hope that you never have to feel the way I do ... which is marginalised and judged and told off, that I have to keep quiet about how I feel, that my feelings are less important than everyone else's feelings, that should I have the temerity to express my feelings I will upset everyone which would be mean and judgemental of me, that basically I should just shut the fuck up and keep my feelings to myself."

-er, a whole group of MNetters did, by the tone and content of their posts on this thread. Which is why I flew off the handle.

"I do hope you never have to feel that way ... because its feels pretty crap. You know what, having cancer isn't as hard as dealing with the sort of attitude you have voiced on this thread. Whilst you're not alone in voicing it, neither am I alone in feeling how I do."

• I don't generally have and attitude. However, I will let that go as you don't know me from adam, you couldn't possibly know what kind of person I am from just one thread, or from one FB status either FTM.

I hope everything goes well for you.

salizchap no, of I don't know you, neither do you know me.

As to the OP, what was said expressed how I felt and so I said so. I wouldn't (and didn't) say any such thing, but I acknowledge that your responses were made broadly and not just to me - I'm sure you'll allow me some latitude for taking this subject personally.

If I have offended or upset MNetters by expressing how I feel, I am sorry. I posted earlier that anyone attempting to raise this subject was on a hiding to nothing and it appears I was right, so I'll go back to being one of the silent minority again.

Now I'm going to meet up with some friends I met on a breast cancer support site. We all have very differing views on this subject, but the great thing is that we don't allow it to define us or our friendship with each other.

FWIW, my bf has lost several people in her family from cancer, includng her father, grandperents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Most of the people in her family who have died, died of cancer, either bowel, breast or uturus. It runs in the family. A couple of her cousins have accepted an offer for screening for the cancer gene. One of them has it and is having to decide whether to have a mastectomy and a hysterectomy, despite being young (30s). My bf is too scared to have the screening, as if she does have the gene she doesn't want it hanging over her head, or to lose the chance of having kids.

She was the one who passed the chain on to me on FB. Like you say, everyone has their own valid opinion. Sorry if I offended you.

:( saliz.

"My friend is too scared to have the screening".

Just goes to show the handbag nonsense doesn't work...if she originally posted it, and still isn't getting screened, then obivously something ELSE aside from the oh so useful FB statuses (stati).