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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to repost my friends Facebook status on AIBU?

209 replies

NorksBoobsTitsKnockersBreasts · 08/10/2010 19:33

She said I could Wink

"Apparently I'm supposed to post a sexually tinted description of where I keep my handbag as my status. Allegedly this will help raise awareness of breast cancer.

Information about how and when to examine ones breasts would obviously be of no use whatsoever. Neither would be mentioning the significance of breastfeeding in reducing ones risk of developing breast cancer.

OK"

Now, I don't know this 'friend' well (I've not seen her for years) but I like her a whole lot more than I already did after this.

OP posts:
salizchap · 08/10/2010 23:31

FWIW, StewieGriffinsMommy my DM died very suddenly of a heart attack when she was only 47. My paternal Grandfather and Greatgrandfather also died the same way. My DF, my DB and I are all at higher risk of heart attacks as it runs down both sides of the family. I wouldn't take offence at anyone trying to raise awareness in a silly way for BHF. Even if it was half baked.

I just don't see the problem with the chain post, and take umbrage at the sneering superior tone of some posts. I appologise for lowering myself to the same level.

MidnightsChild · 08/10/2010 23:34

Winter you're so right ... other cancers, hell other charities (like Alzheimers for instance) could really do with the type of hook the pink thing has given breast cancer. Sad, but true.

Scuttlebutter · 08/10/2010 23:36

I loathe this message on FB and have received it twice. Here's what I replied. "Thanks for the message but I won't be posting this on my status, for a whole range of reasons. Firstly, can't stand the false "empowerment" of this post - let's see how powerful we women really are - if posting this is how we express our power in the world, then frankly God help us.

Secondly, breast cancer doesn't just affect women. This post doesn't do anything to increase genuine awareness of breast cancer, e.g. reminders of breast checking, campaigning on mammogram access and takeup, reminder of risk factors etc. Instead it's a horrible, twee game trying to present some ridicolous quasi-flirtatious status to male FB friends - absolutely nothing empowering about that.

Breast cancer (and indeed all cancer) patients deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Aas a cancer survivor, I'd gladly support a campaign that promoted early detection for instance, since that's primarily why I'm still here, and why so many women are now surviving. Breast cancer is increasingly a disease that can be survived - that's down to slow but steady advances in treatment and diagnosis, better and earlier presentation with symptoms.

Improving awareness of cancer symptoms and encouraging early diagnosis is something I care about very deeply along with improving after care for all cancer patients, not just those with breast cancer. Of course cancer campaigns don't just have to be serious, but this is not one I feel comfortable supporting or sharing. "

I stand by what i wrote and if that makes me a joyless fucker then I am proud to be so,as I look down on my scars and am truly thankful I am still here. Last time I looked breast cancer was the second commonest cancer in women in the UK - don't think anyone needs their general awareness raised.

DirtyMartini · 08/10/2010 23:37

Absolutely agree and although I think Winter was being snide, it would actually be much funnier and more lucrative and helpful having a brown pants run than this dumb fb game.

DirtyMartini · 08/10/2010 23:39
Nellykats · 08/10/2010 23:39

excellent points Scuttlebutter

MidnightsChild · 08/10/2010 23:41

Great response Scuttlebutter, proud to stand beside you in the joyless fucker club.

hmc · 08/10/2010 23:42

Scuttle - your prerogative to disagree with the campaign, absolutely - but why couldn't you just decide not to participate rather than hector your friend like that ?(I presume all your contacts on fb, including the person who sent that to you, are your friends?)

snoozathon · 08/10/2010 23:43

Ok so some people find the posts offensive, some don't - live and let live. Don't judge your friends or feel the need to lecture them.

hmc · 08/10/2010 23:43

My point being - your friend presumably means well even if, in your opinion, is misguided

DirtyMartini · 08/10/2010 23:44

There you go scuttle, put in your place for daring to express your discomfort. Sorry, hector your friends.

I mean really, hmc, come on.

snoozathon · 08/10/2010 23:46

Put in her place??? FFS DirtyMartini :( hmc made a polite, well-considered reply. It's not against the rules to disagree with a cancer survivor the last time I checked. No offence meant Scuttle.

DirtyMartini · 08/10/2010 23:47

And snooz. Can't you see the irony here? It's like you think nobody should be allowed to not like it... Amazing.

Right, going to sleep (or rather, lie awake coughing until dd wakes up)

snoozathon · 08/10/2010 23:48

Scuttle I respect that you find it distasteful, I would just ask you to question whether it's the lightheartedness you find offensive, the lack of actual breast cancer link, or the perceived diminution of women? Becasue the latter is why I think most people are finding the posts offensive, and that imo isn't a good reason to judge friends who do find it funny iyswim.

snoozathon · 08/10/2010 23:49

DirtyM you are free to not like it, I'm just questioning whether it's ok to lecture people who did it. I see bare things I disapprove of, am regularly judgeypants, but don't lecture others on how they should act.

DirtyMartini · 08/10/2010 23:50

Snooz - scuttle made a polite and thoughtful post and got accused of hectoring and lecturing. I think it was bizarre. Just like what's already been said eloquently by Midnight.

hmc · 08/10/2010 23:51

Well DirtyM - that's how it came across to me. I am allowed to voice an opinion I take it?

MidnightsChild · 08/10/2010 23:51

Yup DirtyMartini, I'm afraid there's no getting away from it, its not a popular view to have.

I shall also say goodnight all & thanks for the kind and supportive words. Hope the cough improves soon DM ...

DirtyMartini · 08/10/2010 23:53

Argh, scuttle's post expressed her feelings and was not hectoring or a lecture.

Really going now, byeeeeeeee

KurriKurri · 08/10/2010 23:56

I'm not sure how exactly this handbag thing raises awareness, it is not educating people in anyway. Why not post information, for example how to check your breasts properly, - covering the whole area from up round the collar bones, the breasts themselves, under the arms and the area under the breast. Useful info. I don't really care what people choose to post on FB, but don't claim you are raising awareness, you do that by arming people with information and by raising money for research.

As for the pink thing, I believe in each to their own, and if that is the way people want to go fair enough.
Why isn't it for me?
Because BC for me isn't pink and fluffy, it isn't some sort of jolly girls club, a sort of sanitised form of cancer that's pretty and girly.
Like all cancer it's a horrible illness, the treatment can be truly vile, painful and undignified, chemo is miserable and can make you very very ill, your body is scarred and damaged. And like all cancer it changes your life for ever, you never escape from that nagging fear in the back of your mind. It really sucks. Sad

snoozathon · 08/10/2010 23:58

DM Scuttle posted here what she sent to her FB friends. It was really well thought-out but I would not have sent it or wanted to receive it and I would feel lectured.

snoozathon · 09/10/2010 00:01

OK I'm really off too now. I just wish people would understand on this thread that people have different ways of coping, different ways of thinking about cancer, and it's not for anyone to tell others how to act, what to do, or what to say.

There is no right or wrong way to talk about cancer, so take those judgeypants off.

hmc · 09/10/2010 00:01

Same here.

smellmycheese · 09/10/2010 00:04

Cancer is a horrible, vicious illness. My wonderful Godmother died this year after many years of fighting it. Everybody knows how vile cancer is, and what it does to people.

BUT, just because a disease itself is serious and joyless, it doesn't mean that the awareness has to be. Many many women who have been affected by breast cancer feel that dressing up silly in pink bras and fluffy ears etc is their opportunity to 'laugh in the face of cancer' (I believe this is the reason for the references to comic relief) To show that this awful disease hasn't affected their ability to be a bit 'fun' and lighthearted.

I have complete respect for those such as Midnight, who simply choose not to raise awareness in this way. Everyone has their own private way of dealing with things, but I don't get the need of some people to belittle or be offended by the way others try to help.

Scuttlebutter · 09/10/2010 00:04

As well as being a proud joyless fucker, I am now hectoring and lecturing. Wow. Also love the implication that my contacts on FB can't possibly be friends, what with being joyless and all.

Guilty as charged.

Will continue to enjoy being here, in a joyless, hectoring sort of way. Would just repeat though in case anyone didn't get the message and was too busy doing it on the patio with the plumber, EARLY DETECTION saves lives. Even though I had regular smears, my cancer was picked up because I had some symptoms checked out. Going into a hospice as a patient while still in my 30's wasn't top of my list of fun things to do, so I hope my HECTORING will lead quite literally to what Snoozathon wanted - live and let live.