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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD has requested I ask you lot to judge whether I am unreasonable or whether sh is.

129 replies

FerrisBueller · 07/10/2010 18:28

DD is 14. She isa sensible nice person. We live in a nice sensible quiet place.

Saturday is the annual fair. DD thinks it is reasonable for her to stay out until 10pm. I think it is too late, that fairs attract weirdos and by 10pm drunk people.

She would be with a group of friends who all live locally.

Her latest plan to thwart my unreasonableness is to sleep at her friends house after the fair. Her friend is also nice and sensible but her parent is even more lax than I am (I am fairly lax nomally).

I think this is a ploy to stay out late despite my wishes.

Consider also these girls are all 14 and dress like hookers teenagers do these days.

So I say No. She will not be staying out past 9pm and she will not be sleeping at her friends house.

AIBU?

OP posts:
nannylocal · 07/10/2010 19:21

oops x post

herbietea · 07/10/2010 19:21

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werewolf · 07/10/2010 19:22

YANBU. I wouldn't let her stay out that late, sorry FerrisBueller's dd!

74claire · 07/10/2010 19:25

I reckon 10 is okay, but go for staying at your home. Then you have some idea what kind of state they come home in.

BigOfNoorks · 07/10/2010 19:26

I would if dd were older, I got up to a few things at fair's at her age and I lived in a very dodgy area but nothing that bad that I would not let my dd go.

plus it is a reward for her being so sensible, not rewarding may give you a very rebellious teen Grin.

marriednotdead · 07/10/2010 19:35

I agree with those who say yes to the time and no to staying at her friend's house.
10pm is not that late for a 'special' night but you need to know she is indoors by then and the only way to be sure is if those doors are yours Smile

cat64 · 07/10/2010 19:38

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Message withdrawn

PaulineCampbellJones · 07/10/2010 19:38

I would let her stay out at 10 but home to your house. She could get into more trouble if staying at a friends and disobeying you. I had very strict parents and was always mortified at not being allowed to go out.

pranma · 07/10/2010 19:41

I would say yes to 10pm but no to sleepover unless at your house.if she goes to friend's she'll roll home in the small hours.Make it a huge concession and enforce 10pm to the minute.

pressyourthumbs · 07/10/2010 19:41

Hmm, I think I am with the half past nine team. And back to yours.
You know what the fair is likely to be like in your town/village, so if you expect drunken oddbods causing trouble as it gets later 9.30 is a reasonable compromise.

thesecondcoming · 07/10/2010 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

drinkyourmilk · 07/10/2010 19:50

What have the other parents said? Do you ever 'bump' into them (ahem) so you could ask? If they have all said yes I think you may have to go along with it too. Maybe you could arrange a lift or a taxi at the fair for 10pm so you know they are leaving then.

lucky1979 · 07/10/2010 19:50

When I was 14 I would tell my parents that I was having a sleepover at my friend's house. She would tell them she was having a sleepover at mine. Then we would go to the all night club at Rockworld, drink MD 20/20s and behave very badly.

I would be phoning the landline at 10PM and talking to the parents.

drinkyourmilk · 07/10/2010 19:51

OOOOH! - Or you could pray for sheets of rain (evil cackle!!)

thatsnotmymonkey · 07/10/2010 19:58

lucky1979 Me too! My god MD is so gross, we drank that or Ravers!? Gross.

Mumi · 07/10/2010 20:04

It's not the Goose Fair, is it? (I know Nottingham isn't some people's idea of a "sensible quiet place" but some parts near Forest Fields are.)

If you let her come home at 10pm at 14, bear in mind that she'll be wanting 11pm at 15 and midnight at 16 etc. etc.
I think 9 is fine.

GeekOfTheWeek · 07/10/2010 20:08

Just think though, if you refuse to allow her a bit of leeway and trust then she may not tell you next time.

olderandwider · 07/10/2010 20:10

Go to fair, back at 9.45pm. This allows a teeny bit of wriggle room for a genuine 10pm curfew. Have hot chocolate or something nice waiting when she gets home so she will feel the love Grin

Jaybird37 · 07/10/2010 20:15

Probably safer to leave the fair with her friends at 10pm than earlier alone tbh.

Neither of you are being unreasonable - it is a finely balanced judgement call.

pointydog · 07/10/2010 20:16

I'd let her go. If she's with a group I'd feel ok about it.

mumof2point5 · 07/10/2010 20:22

YANBU

Some good advice about letting her stay till 10, but it is a test of trust

I only have babies/toddlers at the mo, so currently have the rule "not until you are 35!" :)

Do have nieces/nephews approaching this age and really feel for you

Will be back in 10 years time for similiar advice.................

MentalFloss · 07/10/2010 20:25

At 14, 10 should be fine. Tell her this is a test of whether she can be trusted. My curfew was 1.30 when I was 14 Blush but I lived in the back end of beyond where everyone knew everyone.

Whatever I did, my parents knew before I woke up the next morning!

Mowiol · 07/10/2010 20:28

Hmmmm - I thought my DD was sensible at 15. But she wasn't. But let's not go there.......
Some supposedly "sensible" parents shocked me too.

If your gut instinct is no then I'd go the compromise route - 9.30pm and only a sleepover if you have spoken to other parents and agreed acceptable terms.

Blimey, my Dad didn't let me out and about unless it was to organised events such as Guide discos etc.

It was also not on to be out and about during school nights - changed days when I hear teenagers nowadays [shocked]

SingleMumAndProud · 07/10/2010 20:36

Can you not pick her up at 10pm? Thats what I would do.

BigBoldAndBeautiful · 07/10/2010 20:40

Why don't you go to the fair with DD2 and keep an eye on them at a distance?

We too have similar issue, but DD1 has agreed that I and another mum will take the siblings to the fair and be on hand in case of anything.

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