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Original poster

My mother is a homophobic tithead

144 replies

cupcakesandbunting · 06/10/2010 21:21

Maybe.

We took DS to the library yesterday and I said that I was asking for books for christmas rather than toys, if people asked what DS would like. I mentioned that my best mate was buying him King and King which I think is a lovely book and she did this manic wide-eyed face and started shaking her head like I'd said I was going to start reading him the full works of the Marquis de Sade before bed Hmm

When I asked her what was wrong with it, she couldn't articulate why she thought it was wrong that he might get this book other than "that's just my opinion." and "he'll see that in life anyway, he doesn't need to read about it" So taking that to it's logical conclusion, I'd better stop buying him any book that depicts real life because he sees enough of that. Or is it just gay real life that he should be shielded from? MASSIVE Hmm

OP posts:
Oblomov · 07/10/2010 09:51

Although none of this bothers me or ds1(6.5), who told me the other day that sometimes "a man loves another man". and I said, "that's right, darling". And left it at that. Assumed that was age appropriate.

booyhoo · 07/10/2010 09:53

i know about 10 gay people. not all close friends. some old school mates, some ex colleagues, some family and some just acquaintances. these people do not know each other so it isn't as if i have a gay friend and subsequently know their gay friends. if i counted all teh partners and gay friends of the people i know it would be in the dozens. and i am in northern ireland, which according to that link had the lowest percentage of gay people in the survey.

Original poster
cupcakesandbunting · 07/10/2010 09:55

I just don't like this "not normal" idea. It makes me feel weird. I know that we're talking "normal" in terms of statistics rather than "pouffes are abnormal for sticking their weiners up bums" but I still don't like it.

IMO it's a moot point. We're talking about educating about diversity. What does Maggs think about the "It's Ok To Be Different" book that I bought for DS? It talks about disabled people, black people, rainbow people, whatever. Should I not be discussing these minorities with him because they are not "normal"?

Personally, I couldn't give a stuff if DS only ever encountered one gay couple in his life (he has encountered more than this already at the age of three so what does that tell you about normal?) then he is equipped with the knowledge of why two men/women are kissing/holding hands and I run less of a risk of him having it explained to him by a relic like my mum or Maggs.

OP posts:
booyhoo · 07/10/2010 09:57

'not normal' is just the coward's way of saying, it's wrong.

mummyloveslucy · 07/10/2010 10:03

I was walking down the street with my 5 year old daughter when we saw two men walking past holding hands. She sai "why are those men holding hands?" so I said "because they love each other". She thought about it then said "Oh, that's nice".

I'm glad that she'll grow up to accept peoples differences. Smile

Original poster
cupcakesandbunting · 07/10/2010 10:04

My mum says "not normal" and it fucks me right off. The problem with this sort of person is that they will never change their viewpoint. They are right and that is that.

I've told my mum that if anything happens to me and DH then I would like a nice, gay couple to adopt DS. She did not like this Grin She says that gays do not sustain relationships, this is despite me being good friends with a gay couple in their 60s who have been together forty years. Utter mince.

No pun intended!

OP posts:
MrsChemist · 07/10/2010 10:05

It's not a generational thing. I was in a pub a few weeks ago and heard a girl of maybe 18-19 saying that gays were fucking disgusting, and made her sick.

I had to refrain from telling her fucking ancient bigoted attitude was disgusting and made me sick.

At work some people were having a chat about he assistant manager (gay and also my best friend) and one disagreed with something he had done, and say, "yeah well he's a fucking fag, isn't he."

I quickly finished what I was doing and stormed out. She was about 18 as well, and she made me so angry.

MarineIguana · 07/10/2010 10:05

All sorts of things aren't "normal" though are they, in the sense of being in the majority - there are people who do unusual jobs, are unusually beautiful, have 6 kids, whatever. Children can cope with the idea of something being less common but still in the range of normal. The negative connotations come from somewhere else, from people's horror and disapproval.

Original poster
cupcakesandbunting · 07/10/2010 10:07

Shock MrsChemist

It's even worse when it's people young enough to know better do it. At least with the elderly you can roll your eyes in the knowledge that they're old and bigoted against most things Grin When someone this young does it, it's because they're fucking morons.

OP posts:
booyhoo · 07/10/2010 10:16

cupcakes the family member i posted about is only 26!!

mrschemist that reminds me of my first manager. he was gay and certain staff used to be really horrible about him because of it behind his back. he was lovely too.

KnittingisbetterthanTherapy · 07/10/2010 10:17

Lol at "get a room" - I don't mean they were rolling around the floor snogging, I mean they give each us other a quick peck on the cheek or sit on the sofa holding hands or whatever. Dh and me do it too, it's no biggie!

As for some of the comments on here about not being normal and children shouldn't know about it til they're older Hmm, my parents next door neighbours are a gay couple with a child the same age as my son and my DB is gay, so my DC have been used to this from the day they were born. The idea of having a story book that reflects this is lovely.

Unfortunately bigotry cuts across all ages Sad.

MrsChemist · 07/10/2010 10:19

I just find it hard to believe that people that young think it's an acceptable attitude to have.

I told my friend what the girl said about him, luckily he doesn't give a shit what idiots think, and he shrugged it off. He also said he doesn't face that attitude often, which is good.

Original poster
cupcakesandbunting · 07/10/2010 10:25

I don't know how you kept your piehole shut, MrsChemist. Hats off to you! I'd have chucked a benny, possibly involving the c-bomb Blush

OP posts:
Oblomov · 07/10/2010 10:26

I have realised that I do, of course, know someone gay. My nephew. He is 21. And he thinks that in the gay comunity there is alot of changing partners and little continuity. So I don't think thats Cupcakes's view is thta spot on.
There are of course lots of people who do have long term stable relationships. those thta have been together 20 years. but as a community it is re-known for high sexual activity with frequent partners changes. My nephew confirmed this to be true in his 3 years limited experience. He has had a boyfriend for over a year. He tells his mum that most of his friends change partners weekly and it is rife at the gay clubs they go to.
He tells his mum that this image, that people have of the young gay community, in his experience, he thinks is fair.

Original poster
cupcakesandbunting · 07/10/2010 10:29

I didn't say that my view was spot-on. I was just giving an example of a gay couple sustaining a relationship, since my old mum thinks that it doesn't ever happen.

I have a gay male friend who cries with frustration that everyone he falls in love with (it happens a lot!) never wants to be serious and that all gay men are slags (his words not mine!) I know that promiscuity is prominient in the gay community but to say that a gay couple settling down is a virtual impossibility is harsh.

OP posts:
daftpunk · 07/10/2010 10:32

Op; You are someone who is more than happy to call your own mother a " homophobic tithead' on an open forum, (open to the world) I really don't think anyone can take your views on morality seriously.

I certainly don't. Which is why I wouldn't waste a second of my time on you. you sound like a real charmer.

AbsofCroissant · 07/10/2010 10:36

My DM is of the opinion that no gay people existed pre circa 1985 ("There were no gay men or lesbians around when I was growing up" Hmm), so it must be a modern invention. This is despite the fact that:

  • one of her cousins is gay ("it's such a pity he's never married. He's a lovely man. He's missing out on children") and
  • her best friend from her 20s is gay (and, as far as I'm aware, was out at the time - thus ruining her "no one was gay before 1985" theory).

I think some people just can't get their heads around it. I had some close male friends at uni who were gay, and in some ways it was heartbreaking. One of them said (and he's by no means ashamed of being gay, in fact, we wonder why no one ever noticed it before he was 18) that if there was one thing he could change about himself, it would be his sexuality - he didn't feel "normal". Sad

There is also the element that people might be afraid that they're homosexual. There was a study in the US where they asked for men's views on homosexuality, then showed them various forms of porn and recorded the level of arousal. The men who were the most homophobic showed the highest level of arousal when shown gay porn.

Original poster
cupcakesandbunting · 07/10/2010 10:38

Oh DaftPunk, I wondered when you'd rock up.

The dark ages are

OP posts:
DialMforMother · 07/10/2010 10:38

I think some people have misunderstood what 'normal' means. Even if it is 1% - and it's so much more likely that that's an underreporting because it's so much trouble to be gay in a homophobic world - that's still normal. My husband is 6'3. I guess probably about 1% of the population are that tall but he wouldn't get paid to work in a freak show. I'm sure there are loads of other examples of things which are true for 1% and which are perfectly normal. In a country with 60million people 1% equates to about 6 hundred thousand.

At the end of the day I justcannot for the life of me see how it is any of my business what two (or more) adults choose to do with one another.

I just know I'm going to have to have this out with mil one day when dd is older because she can't stand anyone who isn't straight, white and really really
miserable.

veritythebrave · 07/10/2010 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
cupcakesandbunting · 07/10/2010 10:43

ACtual LOL at "no-one was gay before 1985" It's such a precise time and I keep imagining on New Year's Day 1986, lots of gays dropping from the sky. Grin

OP posts:
seenyertoeslately · 07/10/2010 10:43

'He tells his mum that most of his friends change partners weekly and it is rife at the gay clubs they go to.'

Not all gay people go to gay clubs.

I daresay that frequent partner changing could also be observable amongs heterosexuals who go clubbing. (Actually I wouldn't know as I like to stay home and play Scrabble).

seenyertoeslately · 07/10/2010 11:00

cupcakes

'lots of gays dropping from the sky'

Your post reminded me of that old song 'It's Raining Men'

here

which I always used to find hysterical. (Actually nothing to do with the thread really).

AbsofCroissant · 07/10/2010 11:01

Yip, that's how it happened. At some point during my childhood apparently the following happened:

  • women continued working after they got married Shock AND after they had children Shock Shock
  • children started wanting carebear toys, whereas before, no child asked for any material object, EVER (hence my ability to put this down to a precise date, as I was the child who asked for said toy)
  • homosexuality was invented
  • non-married people started living together and whispers having sex

I love them woman, but she's completely barking on some issues

AbsofCroissant · 07/10/2010 11:02

I didn't mean to bold whispers by the way. Those little *s are getting very powerful at bolding these days

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