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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to like someone less because their political views revolt me

166 replies

yellowflowers · 04/10/2010 15:57

A friend has got more and more right wing. It's depressing because when we met years ago as students we bonded over being lefties and in favour of helping those less fortunate and we both enjoyed debating issues. I still like debating things and don't need all my friends to think the same as me - far from it - but the more I hear of this person's views the less I think they are someone I want to spend time with because her views on poor people and on state education etc offend me. Is it wrong to see less of someone just for this reason?

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 04/10/2010 19:34

i have friends with differing socio-political views they unifying factor is they are nice people.i can tolerate difference, and part of that is accepting other people make different choices but that in itself doesn't make them bad

i returned full-time after 6mth mat leave after my dc. i have friends who gave up work sahm and who would never entertain ft nursery - we still get on. it isnt a deal breaker

HerBeatitude · 04/10/2010 19:38

I don't think you're unreasonable to like someone less OP. Depending on the viewpoints, I think you can adjust your like/ dislike index of people.

I have friends with extreme right wing and extreme left wing viewpoints. I think it makes a difference that the ones whose views I don't agree with, are people I have known for many many years and they are part of my mental furniture, part of my life. I can accept their idiotic views because I accept them, warts and all. Accepting someone as a person, doesn't mean you have to accept their views and you find your own strategy for dealing with any conflict that may arise, depending on the relationship you hve with that person.

amarone · 04/10/2010 19:41

David and Ed have very differing political views, and they're still brothers/friends (are they?).

I would not dump friends just because their political views differed from mine. I would find it enlightening to discuss issues, as long as we could agree to diagree sometimes.

Just as I would not dump friends who have different religious beliefs from mine...

Surely you have other things in common?!

Mumcentreplus · 04/10/2010 19:57

LOL..they are brothers they dont have a choice Grin

Mumcentreplus · 04/10/2010 20:09

I really think it depends on how much the opinion shapes the actual personality of someone..I have friends with extreme views and some with very litle opinion..I love them equally for the qualities they bring to my life..but I would find it hard if a person continuously voiced opinions that pissed me off.. Grin

HerBeatitude · 04/10/2010 20:13

I'm not at all sure the Millibands views differ that dramatically...

Whitethorn · 04/10/2010 20:25

There is a big difference between being racist and sending your children to a private school because you think its best for them. I dont think that private schools are necessarily better but I don't judge friends who do.

However I do judge racists and would limit friendship with anyone who held sexist, racist or intolerant views towards a religion.

Welshexpat · 04/10/2010 20:43

HerBeatitude.

Yes they were available to everyone if you passed the examination. There were pupils from all social backgrounds in my class.

Life's never been about "prizes for everyone" its about rewards for those who work harder and or are smarter.

amarone · 04/10/2010 20:48

Whitethorn I agree with you completely.

However, I have been the recipient of a lot of judgement, for sending my children to an independent school.

Imagine if I judged people for not sending their children to private school.

HerBeatitude · 04/10/2010 20:51

Welshexpat.

Lots of people failed the 11+ who were very smart. Lots of people passed whose parents couldn't afford the uniform.

And if life is about rewarding those who work harder, I'm at a loss to understand why banana growers in Ecuador aren't all millionaires.

HerBeatitude · 04/10/2010 20:52

Amarone if you were Welshexpat's friend, you would indeed have the opportunity to be judged for not sending your DC's to a private school.

"We have friends who let their children rot in the state school system despite having the money to send them to better schools and now complain because their crap education has not equipped them for today's world. That disgusts me."

Grin
amarone · 04/10/2010 22:26

Banana grower in Ecuador do not come into the equation of fairness of the UK benefit system...

And I still feel bullied by people not accepting that I have made sacrifices/life style choices, to get where I am today.

MissMarjoribanks · 04/10/2010 22:57

I'm as left wing as they come. And I Blush married a Tory. Blush It adds spice to our relationship. Grin

He does though have fairly left wing views on the public sector, mainly because he is surrounded by people who work in it. If he believed all the DM shite about gold plated pensions and the suchlike I think that would have been a deal breaker.

And neither of us would send our children to private school - I'm ideologically opposed, he thinks its a waste of money, though he might think differently if we didn't live where we do.

So the fact that he's all for market forces and I'm for state intervention (broadly speaking) doesn't really impact on our ability to remain happily married. In fact, part of what makes us a happy couple is having a couple of glasses of wine and a good political scrap over the dinner table.

KittyFoyle · 04/10/2010 23:40

Likewise. I am more left than DH which is why our marriage thrives. We sit up talking stuff over - heatedly - rather than watch telly etc. We do watch telly too. Got to get the material for our disagreements somewhere. But our fundamental values re the children and taking an active civic role are the same, just different solutions and styles.

vesuvia · 04/10/2010 23:51

MissMarjoribanks wrote - "I'm as left wing as they come. And I married a Tory."

You think that is as left-wing as they come? I suppose it must depend on what you mean by left-wing.

FellatioNelson · 05/10/2010 13:52

I don't keep company with people who have views that revolt me, but I do have friends who hold very different political views to me. It doesn't matter - we just skirt loosely round it! They don't think I'm evil -just blinkered and maybe a bit self-centred, and I don't think they are idiots, just misguided, idealistic and naive.

Most people have left leaning views when they are young dreamy idealists with no money. Then they grow up. Wink

Rollmops · 05/10/2010 14:07

OP, YANBU. I send the dogs on anything that moves and carries even the slightest scent of left.

FellatioNelson · 05/10/2010 14:22

Oh in that case Roll we really need you on that angry nutter thread. Are you on it? It's good for an hour or so of pure entertainment.

The one that says: Look!!! Read!!!! In AIBU. It's ace.

girlafraid · 05/10/2010 14:23

I'm a "bleeding heart liberal" and I think it's important to hear the views of those you diagree with

I would never in a million years send my DC to private school but I wouldn't disown firends who did - probably just not discuss it.

However, some views are so repugnant it is very difficult to engage with them. A family member has expressed odious racist views which I have asked them to not to repeat in front of me again. They are entitled to their opinion and i am entitled to judge them on the opinions they hold. I do not want much to do with them now :(

mayorquimby · 05/10/2010 14:37

Depends. I find it hard to be friends with what I'd consider modern liberals and I don't think I could be friends with someone who was truely racist or bigotted.

scanty · 05/10/2010 14:51

I must admit I do find I'm becoming less left wing as I get older. Regarding education - if the only state school available was a failing school with violent incidents etc and you came into money - would you still seriously stay at that school just out of principle? I'm happy with state education if my kids can get anto a decent school but might consider private if I'm really worried about the school. Or you could use the money to buy into a well off cachment area - is that any different from using the monoey for private schooling?

FellatioNelson · 05/10/2010 14:58

Well my very good friends who I referred to earlier are really quite left wing but even they uttered the P word when they fretted that their son would not pass the Kent 11 plus and they didn't like the look of the local sink estate offering. Luckily they didn't have to compromise themselves so they are free to carry on preaching to the likes of me! (They don't though - not to my face anyway.)

scanty · 05/10/2010 16:01

oh dear, should have proofed my message, far too many spelling mistakes - maybe should've gone private! Blush

AlpinePony · 05/10/2010 16:11

YABU - and such is the rich tapestry of life - somewhat naive to think that everyone will share each and every one of your views - particularly as political views are often fluid throughout the course of our lives.

Rather than losing friendships which I trust were built upon more than political alliance - inwardly smile as your socialist friend embraces e.g., nepotism - or sends their child to public school.

usualsuspect · 05/10/2010 16:16

I could not be friends with someone with right wing views...I know no one who educates their kids privately and suspect we would have rather too heated debates about it to be friends ...