to like someone less because their political views revolt me

[yellowflowers]

A friend has got more and more right wing. It's depressing because when we met years ago as students we bonded over being lefties and in favour of helping those less fortunate and we both enjoyed debating issues. I still like debating things and don't need all my friends to think the same as me - far from it - but the more I hear of this person's views the less I think they are someone I want to spend time with because her views on poor people and on state education etc offend me. Is it wrong to see less of someone just for this reason?

YANBU - it's really important.

I don't think I even know my friend's political views - do you lot not chat about knitting & fluffy bunnies like 'normal'

I think maybe by using the word revolt I was being a bit over the top.

I think I am happier being friends with people I've known all along that I disagreed with, and indeed have very interesting chats with them, than with people I thought felt the same about key issues as me and then turn out not too. It's just so disappointing.

I think the education thing in due course will be really interesting though. I find, and am not pointing the finger at anyone here, that lots of people who send their kids to private school can (perhaps inadvertently) say things that can be offensive - things about caring enough for their kids that they will make sacrifices etc. For me, like Greensleeves I suspect, education is a really key issue and I will be a bit shocked and disappointed if people I thought had similar views to me about private education turn out not to. This doesn't mean that I wouldn't be their friend, but I think it would change how I feel about them a bit.

If the person has really extreame nutty views (either left or right) then I agree with you and YANBU

If their views are withing the "normal" political spectrum in the UK then I think YABU and very childish.

It is only by debating issues with others who have different views to yours that you can develop your views and develop those of others.

I know that reading threads written by some people on MN with different political views to myself has definately made me think twice about some of my views on issues and generally opened up my eyes.

To cut yourself off from people just because they are more right wing than you is just very narrow minded and childish. And IMHO - is a position usually taken by those on the left.

Diane Abbott is opposed to private education but guess where her son goes to school? Life seems very polarised for some of the posters on here. I find it's usually more complicated and subtle.

If the person is a kind, funny, warm friend I don't care if their child is at private school or state or why. My friend's children and my family are pretty evenly spread over both. Can't believe it would compromise a true friendship. Get some perspective.

I don't have any problem debating issues with others of different viewpoints Sullwah - I'll talk to anyone

the thread asks whether or not one can be friends though

I find it odd that you label as "childish" the view that a strong bond of friendship can't exist when the other person's values are significantly counter to your own

it makes me wonder what exactly your understanding of "friendship" is tbh

Diane Abbot is a dick

don't see what she has to do with anything

Agree with Sullwah a lot re debating etc. and developing and more clearly defining one's own views. I have a couple of issues where I'm not sure where I sit, or where I think my views (or perhaps my personal wants) are kind of in conflict with my general ideology, and discussion and debate helps to define these.

I guess another point to add on the subject of extreme views, is that if someone said something outrageous to me like for example people of a certain race are (all) more violent than others, I would tend not to want to be friends with that person, firstly because their views would disgust me, but also because that kind of thinking and the accompanying inability to appreciate nuance or the subtleties of an issue, are to me the sign of someone who is not going to engage wiht me intelligently on any issue, and so I would have little interest in spending time with them anyway.

On the whole though, I try to be open-minded about people and their differing views, whether it's on how to educate their kids, how they think the welfare system should work, or even more generically, what government is there for.

D

Dianne Abbot is an inspirational woman and "dick" is probably the stupidest choice of words Greensleaves.

Are you 12 years old?

Diane of course, not Dianne

yes, I am 12 and three quarters

but lol at "Diane Abbot is an inspirational woman"

Diane Abbot is a talentless hypocritical wannabe

Greensleeves - you seem to be keen to limit your potential circle of friends based on their opinions. Maybe you're not expressing yourself clearly but you do sound judgemental and extremely prejudiced. Do you recgonise yourself as a snob or is that just a label for right wingers in your world?

Oh thanks for clearing that up newwave that does make all the difference. He sounds like a total twat lovely man: can I be friends with him too?

I don't know, maybe I am a snob

if not having friends whose social and political attitudes piss me off makes me a snob

I do look down on people who pay for education and don't support their local schools though

and people who vote Tory

Huh hyphens don't work for me and my cunning artifice is exposed for all to see :(

I think there's a difference (and a line that sometimes gets crossed) between having radically different political ideas and having political ideas which most would find repugnant eg BNP.

One of my best friends at uni (and now still) is very very Conservative....but she's not racist, or homophobic, and she's one of the most generous people I've ever met. I find her adoration of La Thatch bordering on the insane, mind, but I love her as a person.

On Mumsnet, the posters I know have very differing views to me, (alouise, claig etc) I still enjoy reading/debating/ scrapping with.

I might have difficulty being friends with a Liberal though.

DialM, as long as your not from the sub continent then yes.

Regardless of where DA sends her son to school, I have worked with a class of young black girls, some of whom who described her as an inspiration. Or should they stick to pop stars and footballers for their role models?

Unfortunate descriptions Greensleaves, she is a unique hardworking woman and I admire her a lot. You sound a bit nasty to be honest.

It depends on both the type of friend and the type of view you are talking about.

I count many people among my friends whom I don't necessarily know that much about, neighbours, mums at school etc. I might know quite a lot about their lives in terms of their families, jobs, holiday choices etc but political views would rarely come up and if something did that I disagreed with I could probably sustain this level of friendship, although it might stop them progressing to be a closer friend.

Most of my good friends have very similar opinions to me, friendships tend to grow over time and you are attracted to people that you can relate to. However sometimes views and I would only cut out those with views that I find abhorant, ratehr than simply dislike.

Quite often the subjects can simply be avoided. I am an aetheist and my closest and oldest friend has become increasingly religious as we have gotten older and had children. We have in the past challenged each other over our ideas but now we simply accept that we have different ideas and try not to get into a debate.

Something I find a little more unpleasant is my Dsis's very right wing views on benefit claimants and maternity leave. I find some of the things she has to say quite offensive. I challenege her on these frequently and actually I am making progress!

Greensleeves - I think looking down on anyone definitely makes you a snob and a very self righteous one. I guess your circle of friends probably is somewhat small.

I heard the phrase 'I'd rather have an English cleaner than some foreigner going through our house when we're not there'.

Literally spat out my tea.

This was a 'friend'.

Now we're not so much friends.

Greensleeves - I have many close friends from years back who are of the left and even send their children to state schools

It does not stop me from being friends with them .... and if you need a definition - then I mean the usual stuff - having coffee / talking about kids and relationships / asking about parents / talking about current affairs / going to the cinema / blah blah blah

I am a bit uncompromising when it comes to some of my most dearly held principles - private education is a particular beef of mine

and yes, my circle of friends is quite small, I am antisocial and not good at making friends

but the thread title did invite an honest answer, and I have given one.

"I am antisocial and not good at making friends" - really ?

Try being a bit open minded .... you never know ... you might actually enjoy yourself.