to be livid and really sad?

[SleepyCaz]

DH went on a stag night last night. He organised it, as he is the best man.

He never came back, so I called at 7am this morning. He is on one of our best (female) mates sofa. He apparently invited her to take photos of the night, as he and all his mates would be too pissed. She was also at his stag night.

Nobody else is there. She lives alone. All the other blokes made it home, but DH, the only married one, the only one with kids, had to go back to hers alone.

Have been uncomfortable with their friendship for a while. Have had a right go at him on the phone and he has hung up. God know's how or when he'll get home.

I am on the verge of tears and also enraged.

Why does SHE think this is an acceptable thing to do? Even if he is on the sofa, like he said? I can just see the cosy, drunken taxi home, then the sitting up drinking on her couch.

I never want to speak to her again, but also want to tear a strip off her.

I feel like leaving DH. I am humilliated and upset. He will deny anything happened and make out like I'm being mental.

DC's also keep asking where he is.

FUCKS SAKE.

Sounds like this female friend has been around longer than the wife - female friend went to H stag do, which says to me, female friend was around first.

By all means get pissed off that H didn't let anyone know his plans and not coming home but I don't get the problem with staying over at another woman's house

Yes he is UD - the sofa in your own living room would be preferable though.

UQD, do I know you in RL?
Yes, I agree,
'that's surely what a sane, normal, healthy, non-jealous married couple does'
But only in certain households, so pick your friends and partners very carefully.

Most of my close friends are men. I have been the only woman on a couple of stag nights too!

I often stay over at my friends houses when we go out as I don't want to get a taxi by myself.

My husband is fine with it and if he wasn't I doubt if I would be with him. If he doubted me with my longest friends then I am sorry but he would go not my friends. Lol

I ink you are right to be pissed off with him for not coming home and I woul dmake him suffer for that but it does seem that you are jealous of this female friend. Why don't you try to befriend her instead of making an enemy of her.?

YNBU in the slightest. I would be massively pissed off if my DH did that, however, if he was staying on my best mates sofa then probably not so much so. But then I'm very close to my best friend and trust them both 100%

I would be more angry at him for not calling and leaving me in the lurch, especially with the children.

Has he arrived home yet?

This is about you not trusting your husband - which is an acceptable reason for HIM to leave YOU.

Calm down, let him sleep it off, then think rationally.

Would it bug you if it had been one of his male friend's sofas he had crashed on? Was he perhaps being considerate and not wanting to wake you all up or let you see how drunk he was? If he had turned up drunk and woken the whole house at 4am, what would your reaction have been?

He'd probably get a few strips torn off him by me but only for not letting me know he was safe and not coming home - not for anything else.

Sorry Twiggy, you're right, I missed that. It was the op's interpretation. I do wonder why she thinks he will react like that though.

My dh happens to not have female friends but I like to think I would have no problem with him crashing at theirs. However, the lack of a phone call/text would madden me, as would him hanging up, presumably in front of said friend.

Hope you are ok SleepyCaz.

I did once spend the night in a male friend's hotel room - was so drunk he struggled to get me back to the hotel, where I collapsed on the bathroom floor (was married with kids at the time too ). Nothing happened and my friend was a perfect gent, took really good care of me. DH was glad he was there to look after me, dread to think what night have happened if he wasn't (v. unusual for me to get in that state)

I told DH about it and he had no issues at all, but neither of us was expected home that night (I had another room in the same hotel). I would be furious if DH stayed out and didn't let me know he was safe/when to expect him. I wouldn't assume he was having sex if he stayed out though.

Is it possible your DH's friend needed looking after and he was doing the decent thing? Should still have let you know though.

So? What happened when he got home?

Are you OK?

What time did he finally come home?

He probably did nothing unfaithful. By the sounds of it he just got drunk and silly and next day he knew he's been an arse and didn't like being told so.

His behaviour made you feel insecure, and I don't believe that your feelings are unreasonable. It is fine for your DS to have friends of any sex, but going to stay over night and not telling you was out of order.

His behaviour is risky. Sorry if that sounds OTT. It is very easy to fall into an affair (this goes for both men and women) when you are in your cups. All it takes is for you to go through a rough patch in your relationship, you gets drunk, you lose your inhibitions and in the company of a friend who may harbour feelings that they haven't even acknowledged to themselves. Before you know it you are kissing and it goes too far.

The best way to absolutely sure that you do not fall into this is to steer clear of temptation. This also prevents all sorts of gossip mongering and unnecessary jealousy, not to mension uncomfortable, embarrassing, unsolicited hit-ons.

Your DP is being an idiot and needs a good kick up the proverbial.

"But mamatomany, it isn't behaving like a carefree 20-year-old. That would mean doing this two or three times a week. If you're like me you so rarely get to go out that you may as well make the most of it. Surely a man is allowed to have a few jars and crash on a sofa once in a while?!"

Am I alone thinking that regardless of which sofa one's DH decides to sleep on, calling your wife before 7am so she does not go mad with worry could be nice? (Note to Nancy I am not asking for a call every 20 min) If DH was out until that time I would not suspect him of being unfaithfull but I would certainly worry that something has happened to him.

"Why don't you try to befriend her instead of making an enemy of her.?"

OP has not answered the question yet but her first post led me to believe they are friends already "He is on one of our best (female) mates sofa."

this one

School lunches or packed lunches?

Sorry, posted on wrong thread[bluch] The link was to answer the question "what is the last thread you visited?"

I'm with Unquiet Dad and Valhalla. This was a stag do, not a Bible study group. Most stag dos go on until at least the early hours, and it's traditional for large quantities of alcohol to be consumed. OP should be glad it wasn't a bloody stag weekend in some strange European city. I would expect, if DH was going, for him to discuss this in advance and I wouldn't expect him to contact me or to be home until the very early hours or conceivably the next morning. Texts would be nice but a bonus, unless you have a very severely ill child/family member, necessitating constant contact and sobriety and in that case, not going at all might be the better option.

OP does not sound like she likes the female friend at all. And why in the name of heaven assume that single female friend would even want to shag the husband? A drunk married man with beer breath (and other alcohol related performance issues) isn't exactly most girls' idea of a good time.

If this man does have form in terms of extra marital affairs, then OP needs to resolve that, but blaming every female friend for putting temptation in his way is just ridicolous and VVU.

"Am I alone thinking that regardless of which sofa one's DH decides to sleep on, calling your wife before 7am so she does not go mad with worry could be nice?"

It could be, but this isn't just a monthly night out or a work night, it's one of his best-mates stag. I'm suprised it wasn't mentioned before. "It's gonna be a big one so I have no idea when I'll get home. could be morning."
Chances are he was so locked he didn't think to call firstly or when he did it was about 4 in the morning and he didn't think roaring down the phone hammered at that hour was going to endear him to his wife.

Hey SleepyCaz, how did it go yesterday? hope you're ok?

Hope it was a storm in a teacup.

YANBU, he stayed out all night without calling and left it to you to ring him at 7am to find out!

That is well out of order, (and rather worrying), WHEREVER he was staying.

I would have been worried sick that DH had been mugged/in an accident apart from any other possibilities.

is he home yet?

That is possible Mayorquimby, I am a bit out of touch with going out all night so if DH was to do it all of the sudden I would go out of my mind with worry and would deffinitely prefer a phone call at 4 o'clock so that I can get at least two hours or so of sleep.

reading this thread I have been reminded that my dh did similar a few years back. Can't remember if it was before or after ds1 was born. But he went on a work night out and ended up going back to one of his female colleagues flats and crashed out on the floor in front of the tv. So she just went to bed and he didn't realise what he had done until he woke at about 5am. Then he thought best not call as I'll only wake her up.

I had woken worried in the early hours but then presumed he had just got drunk and crashed out somewhere.

When he came in in the am i told him I had been worried when he wasn't back and that if he was to do it again I expected at the very least a text, at whatever time it was. He apologised for worrying me and promised that if it happened again he would do that. However, as I trusted him implicitly it was a non issue that it was a womans flat (and I didn't know her very well at that point either). And my worry was nothing to do with thinking he might have been unfaithful but that he might be lying dead in a ditch somewhere! I still absolutely trust that nothing untoward happened - in fact I had totally forgotten about it until I read this thread.

So it may well be that nothing untoward happened. In that case though I would have expected him to be apologising profusely for worrying you and not putting the phone down on you (although he may still be p*ssed / tired and not be very rational). His reaction when he comes home will tell you more - if he comes home all repentant then thats one things, if he comes home calling you mental then thats another.

I am with the posters who say trust your instincts. But be VERY careful before you go in with all guns blazing for something that does have an innocent explanation. Try and wait until you can calom down a little before looking at everything with a clearer head. (Easier said than done though I know!)

Hope he got home OK, was suitably apologetic and has been able to put your mind at rest.

Hmmm, my ex cheated on me with a 'friend'. Vallhala, I never did any of the negative things you have suggested wives do, but he still cheated.

SleepyCaz

How did things turn out ?