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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not feel guilty about beating someone up?

78 replies

Notyetamummy · 01/10/2010 14:21

My brother, who is 355 days younger than me, was very ill when he was young. He had severe asthma & excema (had to be wet-wrapped & creamed all over every night), had callipers on both of his legs due to Perthes disease, was behind in school as he was always in the hospital and was very small for his age.

I was healthy and average size, therefore always bigger/faster etc. than my brother.

When I was about 8 and my brother was about 7 I caught this lad in my brother's class (so one year younger than me) who had cornered my brother behind the school bins & was whipping him with tree branches & saying horrible things to him. Angry

I punched him in the face, bloodying his nose, & my best & I friend put him in the big bin.

His mother got called in, took him to the doctors' about his face (his nose was quite badly damaged) & we got in big trouble about bullying younger children. We were never cruel to younger children, this was a one-off offence but as it was 'serious' we were in big trouble.

Anyway, when I left primary I didn't see this chap again for a very very long time until last week when I went out with some of DH's friends & he was a friend of DH's friend and was there. He is huge now! I didn't recognise him but he told me who he was. He was very pleasant and we got on OK but then he said "Do you remember that time that you and ... ganged up on me & broke my nose?" Attempting to make me feel guilty.

Am I unreasonable to still, now that I am older and wiser, not feel guilty?

I suppose I would tell children now to tell a teacher & not use violence, but I can still picture my poor little brother being so upset - he was regularly bullied by this boy and I think he deserved the beating.

OP posts:
grapeandlemon · 01/10/2010 14:23

you put him in a bin?

Chil1234 · 01/10/2010 14:23

I would have responded with... 'remember what a nasty little shit you were bullying my disabled kid brother?'. Lump the guilt straight back on him. No need to feel guilty about ... err... not feeling guilty. :)

AmazingBouncingFerret · 01/10/2010 14:24

You should of just said "No but I remember beating the shit out of you for bullying my brother"

BigOfNoorks · 01/10/2010 14:24

I would feel exactly the same as you your poor brother Sad

ninedragons · 01/10/2010 14:24

Not in the slightest.

Did you say ah yes, you were being an utter shit to my fragile little brother?

Hedgeblunder · 01/10/2010 14:25

Yanbu- I headbutted a girl in high school after she battered my sister with a hockey stick for not handing Over her dinner money. I don't regret it one tiny bit.

Notyetamummy · 01/10/2010 14:26

Yes grapeandlemon it was a big silver bin but there was a wall next to it that we stood on to put him in there. A teacher had to get him out.

OP posts:
DaisyDaresYOU · 01/10/2010 14:27

I wish i had a sis like you in my school days tbh.You will get flamed no doubt,but when your a victim of bullies you understand it and what a miserable life you have because of them

Hassled · 01/10/2010 14:30

I know I shouldn't be thinking "good for you" but that's what I am thinking. The bin was a genius touch.
What did you say to the bloke? Did you say you didn't feel guilty?

Aethelflaed · 01/10/2010 14:32

YANBU You sound like a great sister! My son has Perthes and is small and I hope his sister is as protective as you if he is ever bullied.

MrsYamada · 01/10/2010 14:32

Was his nose permanently damaged? I agree, the bin was genius!

Hedgeblunder · 01/10/2010 14:33

I don't know what to make ofnit really re:fighting etc. My mum always maintained no fighting, but I remember her pulling me aside once and saying 'if any boy ever hits you again (was getting bullied in primary) you hit him back twice as hard'
ibwas lucky to have all boxers on my mums side of the family and got taught very young how to throw a punch!

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 01/10/2010 14:34

YANBU. You can only get away with righteous vengeance as a child

Niecie · 01/10/2010 14:34

Nah, YANBU

I was all set to come on here and say the opposite, thinking it was a recent thing but reading your OP I had to rescue my brother on a couple of occasions and whilst no noses were damaged, they could well have been.

I think I would have said to him that I didn't remember anything about any nose being broken or a bin but I did seem to remember he had bullied my brother and needed to be stopped.

I hope, OP, that you are tiny slip of a thing now and he feels really bad about being beaten up by a girl!

MadAboutQuavers · 01/10/2010 14:35

YA definitely NBU

You were only a child, as was he. He was being an evil little bastard to your kid brother. It's not as if you just attacked him for fun - as he was doing

My response to him would be "Of course I remember. I also remember how much you deserved it for bullying my brother. Do you remember how appalling you were to him?"

curryfreak · 01/10/2010 14:35

good on ye. i would have done exactly the same.

Blu · 01/10/2010 14:36

Good grief. IMO this bloke is still a nasty piece of work, but now uses passive aggression rather than downright thuggish aggression to bully people. "that time that you and ... ganged up on me & broke my nose?" indeed. I hope you DID remind him that it was a reaction to him bullying your disabled younger brother? Now he is an adult he should be able to admit to what he did as a child and apologise - he is clearly refusing to put himself in the wrong over it.

Do not feel guilt tripped by this man. And I would avoid him.

Maybe nowadays, in some schools, ther would be effective anti-bullying policies, awareness about disability etc, and the matter could be dealt with without a broken nose. But if as a child you didn't know of, or trust, those systes, then you have no need to feel bad about what you did!

Squitten · 01/10/2010 14:39

YANBU - I hope you reminded him of his bullying your brother in return!

prozacfairy · 01/10/2010 14:40

Don't feel guilty. I'd have refreshed his memory for him "weren't you beating up my brother at the time? Yeah your nose looks familiar..."

DingALongCow · 01/10/2010 14:41

YANBU
I would not have hesitated to do the same to anyone who had done that to my younger brother and he had no health issues etc.

Sounds like this man is still an unpleasant arse. If I had behaved as he had towards your brother (not that I would as I was the shy bookish type) I would be terribly ashamed of my actions and certainly would not have brought it up in conversation, except possibly to apologise profusely and ask after your brother.

You should certainly NOT feel bad about this.

OrmRenewed · 01/10/2010 14:42

agree that you should have reminded him why you did it.

Theincrediblesulk1 · 01/10/2010 14:49

You should have said "shut your face or i will bin you again!" loool!

He deserved it! horrible swine!

coraltoes · 01/10/2010 14:53

you should have wallopped him again!

SmellsLikeTeenSweat · 01/10/2010 14:54

YABU - I'm disappointed that this isn't recent and about hair-pulling in the aisle at Aldi over who gets the last fruit-shoot.

But nah, 'course YANBU. Did you threaten to do it again if he misbehaves? Grin

JaneS · 01/10/2010 14:58

Of course YANBU! You were a child and you stood up for your brother against someone who was hurting him. What a nasty piece of work that man sounds.

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