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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not feel guilty about beating someone up?

78 replies

Notyetamummy · 01/10/2010 14:21

My brother, who is 355 days younger than me, was very ill when he was young. He had severe asthma & excema (had to be wet-wrapped & creamed all over every night), had callipers on both of his legs due to Perthes disease, was behind in school as he was always in the hospital and was very small for his age.

I was healthy and average size, therefore always bigger/faster etc. than my brother.

When I was about 8 and my brother was about 7 I caught this lad in my brother's class (so one year younger than me) who had cornered my brother behind the school bins & was whipping him with tree branches & saying horrible things to him.

I punched him in the face, bloodying his nose, & my best & I friend put him in the big bin.

His mother got called in, took him to the doctors' about his face (his nose was quite badly damaged) & we got in big trouble about bullying younger children. We were never cruel to younger children, this was a one-off offence but as it was 'serious' we were in big trouble.

Anyway, when I left primary I didn't see this chap again for a very very long time until last week when I went out with some of DH's friends & he was a friend of DH's friend and was there. He is huge now! I didn't recognise him but he told me who he was. He was very pleasant and we got on OK but then he said "Do you remember that time that you and ... ganged up on me & broke my nose?" Attempting to make me feel guilty.

Am I unreasonable to still, now that I am older and wiser, not feel guilty?

I suppose I would tell children now to tell a teacher & not use violence, but I can still picture my poor little brother being so upset - he was regularly bullied by this boy and I think he deserved the beating.

OP posts:

OTTMummA · 01/10/2010 18:49

YADNBU,
Your friend sounds like she has lived a sheltered life and has no idea how things really work.

The Bully, sounds like a prize TWUNT,
I'd say nothing more of it, unless asked, etc then just proclaim you don't feel an iota of guilt and you would do it again if you had the chance.

I once got suspended form Secondary School in yr 8 for smashing my sisters ( 8yrs old ) bully who was in yr 9 through a window,,,, the deputy heads office window.

My only excuse for that was i saw red and went fucking mental, can't remember a lot of it, but he was off school for 2 weeks, and gave my family a wide birth from then on.

cumfy · 01/10/2010 20:13

picked on 'bro's name'

OP, sorry but what does this mean ?

Original poster

Notyetamummy · 01/10/2010 20:18

"because you were an evil little git who picked on James"

James is my brother's name.

My friend is a bit wet, but also likes to argue.

OP posts:

BrightLightBrightLight · 01/10/2010 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Panzee · 01/10/2010 20:38

As a teacher you would have got an official "you shouldn't have done that" and a quiet thumbs up. Nice one. :)

BelleDameSansMerci · 01/10/2010 20:43

YANBU at all. I used to rescue my brother (until he suddenly went all stocky and could look after himself).

My mum's view was if someone hits you, hit them back but don't start it!

MoralDefective · 01/10/2010 20:46

Good on you....i would be (quietly)proud of my kids for sticking up for each other.......DS1 punched a boy once for bullying DS2 and the (15 year old)boys Mum called the Police!..for all the trouble it caused he should have hit him harder

banana87 · 01/10/2010 20:49

LOL. You put him in a bin!! And you were just kids, don't sweat! ;)

Talker2010 · 01/10/2010 20:51

Trouble is ... he has no idea that he did anything wrong

I am not saying that you were wrong BUT it did nothing to change the boy, his attitude, his understanding

Because he will have been treated a the victim (no surprise with a broken nose) he has been able to sanitise his part in it all

Perhaps a different approach would have changed him ... then again, perhaps not

Goblinchild · 01/10/2010 21:03

I have done it several times before the age of 13, often in defence of my younger brother.
I know violence isn't the answer, and the bullies may not have learned anything from the experience.
Except not to pick on my brother again. Ever.

sparklyblack · 01/10/2010 21:04

YANBU definitely! Good on you :o.

When I was 15 I whacked a boy over the head with my heavy French textbook because he'd punched my sister (13) in the stomach. I remember that I was shaking for about an hour afterwards!

Goblinchild · 01/10/2010 21:05

The shaking is often the consequence of excess adrenaline flooding the system. If you'd beaten him up properly, you would not have been shaking after the experience.
One wack isn't enough.

Original poster

Notyetamummy · 01/10/2010 21:09

Glad to hear that I'm not the only one who has resorted to violence to protect a sibling

OP posts:

Easywriter · 01/10/2010 21:13

Nope, you are defo NBU.

My sister was once beaten up by two girls in her class. They were all 4 years younger than me.

Despite the fact I was in 18 I had no problem grabbing them by their school tie and letting them know in no uncertain terms from a distance of about 6 inches eyeball to eyeball, that if two girls were going to beat up my sister, then they needed to know she had a big sister who wasn't prepared to sit by and watch it happen.

All this was in front of my head of house at the time, who didn't tell me off at all. (She knew they had it coming!)

Sometimes, violence isn't the answer but is the only language bullies understand.

HerBeatitude · 01/10/2010 21:14

D'you know what, I'd keep well away from this bloke.

There is something v. creepy about an adult who challenges another much smaller adult about a childhood disagreement in which he was in the wrong, without acknowledging gracefully that he was in the wrong.

Don't be in the same space as him without a bigger escort.

sparklyblack · 01/10/2010 21:21

Goblinchild I have to admit to being quite scared of this boy though! He was a tall hefty 13 year old and I was quite small, I saw red when I saw him and just went for him but obviously he tried to defend himself and I quickly walked off . Fortunately his girlfriend was there too (my sister's best friend incidentally) and stopped him going after me.

Goblinchild · 01/10/2010 21:23

Next time, don't go for the head.

MadAboutQuavers · 01/10/2010 21:43

notyet - your friend sounds like a PITA to be honest
And your DH's friend is obviously thick as pig shit if he takes this view on his awful behaviour

droves · 01/10/2010 21:55

YANBU .... i was once in serious trouble for hitting a 15 year old boy over the head with a cricket bat...his mother came to the door and treatened me with the police.
He had my older sister by the hair and was treatening to cut off her waist length ponytail witha pen knife. He was hitting and kicking her in the back. ... so i bashed him.

.His mother demanded to have words with me .. her face was a picture, (like this -> ) when i came to the door . I was 7.

also at school , big sis was getting beaten up in the girls toilets and i happened to walk in .... parents were not pleased when they were called in because i had "flushed" the bullys head down a loo. (i was 9)

I also beat up an 18 yr old bloke when i was 15 becaue he was hitting my 13 year old brother..... got warning from police for that one ..

....ended up with a bit of a rep for being a nutter ...im so embarrassed now

sparklyblack · 01/10/2010 22:30

Not planning to attempt to beat up anyone soon but I'll keep that in mind Goblinchild! :o

NicholasBrisbane · 01/10/2010 23:38

YANBU - perhaps another bit of bin treatment is in order?

callaird · 02/10/2010 21:23

When I was 15, two days after my brothers funeral (he was born with a congenital heart defect), I was back at school for the first time in 2 weeks and walked past a 13 year old boy who said "there's the sister of the pathetic, weedy, geeky kid who just croaked it" I pushed him hard, he fell over and cracked his head open on the kerb, he had to have 7 stitches, school did not know what to do. I did have to have grief councilling!

I have no regrets!

TechLovingDad · 02/10/2010 21:35

My brother used to get his mates to try and beat me up. Sod.

fryalot · 02/10/2010 21:39

another one who came on the thread to tell you of course you're BU.

But having read your OP, I can definitely, resoundlingly announce YANBU. at all.

PinkieMinx · 02/10/2010 21:44

YABU not to punch him again!! He does sound like he was a horrible twunt & deserved it!

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