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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect help lifting goceries at 40 weeks?

49 replies

evansk77 · 01/10/2010 13:04

At just under 41 weeks pregnant (yawn), I can't face a supermarket so on Wednesday I had groceries delivered by Sainsburys. I had thought that once the delivery man had finished getting the crates of bags out of the van, he'd help me into the kitchen with them. But he didn't. He stood 2 feet away and watched me do it. I tried to give him a hint by apoligising (a bit sarcastically) for holding him up, but his reply was that I could ask for extra time if I wanted to! I emailed Sainsburys and had a reply (presumably automated) saying they'd get back to me in 2 days but I've heard nothing. If I was someone struggling with shopping for any reason I'd offer to help (and have done), so should I have to ask for help when I so obviously need it?

OP posts:

Schroeder · 01/10/2010 16:10

IME just as many people are offended if you offer to help them as are glad. It really is a bit of a minefield working with the public.

He may well of been a grumpy git though.

lucy101 · 01/10/2010 16:11

They should have offered... but I think it is important to ask people in these situations and if they then don't help to make fuss at that point.

I always ask on the tube etc. when I need a seat and find most people happy to help. Much better to ask than to be fuming silently.

onepieceoflollipop · 01/10/2010 16:15

to be fair he may not have noticed. I know that you look pregnant and feel pregnant (!) but he genuinely may not have noticed. Or he may have had other pregnant customers refuse his help or make such comments as they are only pregnant, not ill etc

If he had either been rude/unapproachable (meaning you felt unable to ask for his help) or if he had downright refused, then fair enough, e-mail them and complain.

Otherwise YABU

(for future information, why don't you e-mail them anyway, not to complain but to clarify their policy)

They will probably say that if you need any help e.g. bags taken through to kitchen etc then please to just ask the driver. Then if you did ever get an unhelpful driver who refused you would know your "rights"

Original poster

evansk77 · 01/10/2010 16:48

I suppose I can understand why some people think I should have had to ask, but perhaps I was just brought up under a different code; one of courtesy and honour. I'd probably faint or something if I saw my husband miss an opportunity to be gentlemanly to anyone - anyone at all. It's a shame that some people have reduced human interaction to a sort of utilitarianism. I'll certainly be bringing up this child with a stronger concept of society and mutual responsibility.

Thanks for all those who've confirmed that Ocado would be a good choice! The JL partnership still adhere to the values that I appreiate.

OP posts:

RumourOfAHurricane · 01/10/2010 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GetOrfMeLenin · 01/10/2010 16:53

Oh, just pick up the shopping. Unless you are buying breeze blocks it won't kill you.

BalloonSlayer · 01/10/2010 16:55

I always get asked at the Supermarket checkout whether I need help with packing EXCEPT when I am heavily pregnant with other children in tow and am clearly hassled and struggling. It's obvious why they don't ask - because they know I will say yes please.

I remember when 9 months pg I ordered a crate of wine for DH. The man came to deliver it and dumped it just inside the front door while I signed for it. I then said, I am afraid I can't pick that up so would you mind carrying it inside for me. The trouble was he was really overweight with a large beer belly and he couldn't bend down to pick it up either. He ended up kicking it (gently) down the hall for me and we decided DH could pick it up when he got home.

I was trying so hard not to laugh - I didn't want to offend him - at the two of us both being too fat to pick it up.

sapphireblue · 01/10/2010 17:02

he may have genuinely not noticed..........I speak as someone who had a consultation with a registrar in a&e at 35 weeks gone with an enormous bump....he prescribed drugs I couldn't take and looked genuinely surprised when I questioned whether they were safe in pg. And if a doctor can fail to notice.......

catinthehat2 · 01/10/2010 17:13

What, you just fumed and got on with it?

Then came and whinged on here?

No sympathy.

Most normal people who weren't really out for the drama queen/martyrdom/oooh look at me how I'm suffering crap would have simply said to the guy that he would have to bring it in for obvious reasons.

If he refused, then you send him away having taken his details to share with his dispatcher.

Really, grow up & behave like an adult.

thehat · 01/10/2010 17:26

Same happened to me when heavily pregnant.

I saked for help and delivery man said no. I e mailed Sainsburys with my complaint and they replied that drivers are told not to enter houses or carry bags to the kitchen.

Lovely!

catinthehat2 · 01/10/2010 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Fiddledee · 01/10/2010 17:35

Well at least next time, you could pass him a nice stinky nappy fillled baby ideally who projectile vomits while you take the shopping in .

scottishmummy · 01/10/2010 17:40

well yes you should have asked hoping he gets hint and struggling is a bit martyred

LoveBeingInvitedToTheVIPSale · 01/10/2010 17:40

It could well be that he was behind due to one thing and another and was afraid he was going to be even later for the next delivery and be out of the timeslot.

Ocado are generally better, however I did notice a change when they became a bit more rushed off their feet when the monthly delivery fee started. My chats with the delivery drivers confirmed it.

Yes he should have offered, but you could ahve asked also.

Mummalish · 01/10/2010 17:42

Pregnant women are not disabled, overdue or not.

FWIW, I was huge and overdue and carried on with life as usual.

The man probably thought that if you would be strong enough to go through labour, you would more than likely be quite capable of packing YOUR OWN shopping away.

runmeragged · 01/10/2010 17:50

I think that YABU.

Some pregnant people when offered help would be really grateful (like you), others would be a bit bolshy and might snipe back "I'm pregnant, not ill/incapicated" etc. Must be a minefield for the drivers, never knowing what to expect.

I imagine there must be rules about going into people's houses, health & safety etc.

If you wanted help, you should have asked for it. Even then, his contract may require him to decline to help you etc.

JuJusDad · 01/10/2010 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

thebrightside · 01/10/2010 20:25

If you don't ask you don't get.

Think it's a bit cheeky of you to complain to Sainsburys when he could have been very willing to help if you'd asked.

JuJusDad · 01/10/2010 21:17

Wooo! Had my first ever deleted post!

scottishmummy · 01/10/2010 21:30

what did you say?was it weird/rude/dirrrrty

rattling · 01/10/2010 21:33

Sainsburys also won't deliver above the first floor. I asked the driver to help me as one of my twin babies had woken up when he buzzed and he referred me to their terms and conditions. He did help eventually when I started dragging bags upstairs with one boy under my arm while the other one screamed from the bedroom. I complained to customer service. They also referred me to their terms and conditions - where I can't find a specific reference to not going up 2 flights of stairs.

Talker2010 · 01/10/2010 21:36

I thought you were a bit unreasonable, then I read your "honour code" comment and realised that you are TOTALLY unreasonable

unfitmother · 01/10/2010 21:42

YANBU
check the terms & conditions

JuJusDad · 01/10/2010 22:19

sm - none of those things (for a change ), but I guess the other poster is far far better at handing it out than she is at taking it...

Not that there was much of a dig in the first place.

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