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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be considering going to church to improve my social life

39 replies

dilemma456 · 29/09/2010 20:50

I'm not entirely sure what I believe but I feel that there is a greater something out there. I agree with a lot of the Christian ethos but would not actively call myself a Christian or anything else.

There is a thriving, very popular church with family services less than 5 minutes walk from here. Its traditional C of E. I know the vicar and get on well with him and he always asks me to come on Sundays. I've taken DD a few times and she always enjoys it. I do not take communion as I think that would be a step too far but I do go up for a blessing along with DD as it tends to instill some calmness in me.

I find it an active friendly church and there are lots of people who attend I'd like to get to know better. Would it be wrong to go if I don't have a deeply held belief? If you did would you feel used or betrayed by someone who attended and wasn't entirely sure about what was being said?

I'm wrestling with myself.

OP posts:

Smithagain · 29/09/2010 20:55

I'm an active Christian and I know a few people who have started coming to church mainly because they want to be part of the church community. So you certainly wouldn't be the first.

And plenty of people start out with only a vague sense of what they believe. Maybe becoming part of a church would help you figure out what you really think?

As long as you are going with an open mind (and willing to take the risk that you will encounter God when you get there , go for it!!!

GypsyMoth · 29/09/2010 20:56

no,go!!

you go to weddings,cristenings,funerals......its no different
i had a thread in the summer about dd calling in to church for tea and cakes after her gcse exam.....in the end alot of kids did the same.....church ladies loved it,and baked and baked and baked!!! vicar looked in and they all shared stories about 'in my day!'

but do be prepared for the anti god brigade to jump on your thread! apparently (according to sgb anyway)they are a cult in disguise waiting to brainwash us all!!!

GypsyMoth · 29/09/2010 20:57

i like to go for the architecture and history element!!

shivster1980 · 29/09/2010 20:57

YANBU at all.

Chil1234 · 29/09/2010 20:57

If they were being honest, you'd probably find that at least 50% of the average C of E congregation is only there for the chat and a few biscuits afterwards. However, I have met a few fundamentalist christians that told me it's wrong to cross the threshold unless you're 100% committed to the believing it all. At the time I was agnostic but that helpful advice convinced me atheism was probably my thing.

Go if you want to... get out of it what you want to get out of it and leave anything you don't want to do or say behind. No-one (unless you meet the same idiots I did) should make you feel uncomfortable. And if they do... leave.

gerontius · 29/09/2010 20:57

I go even though I don't really believe. I like the atmosphere.

MaMoTTaT · 29/09/2010 20:58

oh whitecherry - I remember your thread

so did brainwash all the gsce students and icrease their congregation 10 fold???

or - do the local "yoof" now have just a little more respect for the people that go to church regardless of if they think it's a pile of poop - because actually - they were rather nice to them after the exams

rpickett · 29/09/2010 20:58

I'm not christian and have never claimed to be, however I used to (as a teen) attend a social group in a church and I spoke to the organisers (very christian) and explained although I am not a christian that I would like to attend and they were very accomadating saying they would rather I went and questioned and maybe learn something, then to not attend at all so YANBU.

pointydog · 29/09/2010 21:00

It is certainly not unheard of for people go to church for the social life.

Just do it if you want.

oneofthosedays · 29/09/2010 21:02

I'm almost ashamed to admit that I keep thinking of doing this, it's the same church my friend goes to and and all the parents of the younger children are all so close and really welcoming of me whenever I see them. Thing is, I'm a pretty firm atheist , it's very tempting though!

EmmalinaC · 29/09/2010 21:03

Go for it. My DH is an athesist but he comes along with me sometimes and we've both made some really good friends. He's even been honest with the vicar. Agree with the other posters who say that at least half the congregation in any thriving church is probably only christian with a small 'c'.

Original poster

dilemma456 · 29/09/2010 21:09

Thank you. I thought maybe you'd tell me to leave church to the proper Christians. I think I'll go along on Sunday and see how things go

OP posts:

EmmalinaC · 29/09/2010 21:12

Believe me, in our church, there's nothing the 'proper Christians' like more than finding an atheist in their midst! They like a challenge - my DH is very clear about who to avoid

cat64 · 29/09/2010 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tholeon · 29/09/2010 21:18

I read a book (by a C of E vicar!) which suggested that some people might see God as a concept of 'ultimate goodness' rather than in the traditional sense.

He explained it rather better...

But - if you follow this way of thinking - you go to Church to look towards what you feel to be Good...to reflect..to have some time out from day to day concerns..to (try to) follow the Christian teachings such as love your neighbour as yourself...and to be part of a community all trying to do those things together. As long as it is the right sort of Church, and they do differ, people won't judge you according to what you do or don't believe or have doubts about, as long as you are respectful.

Lougle · 29/09/2010 21:21

Well, you'd be more than welcome in my church . Friendship is not a bad reason to visit a church regularly, and Jesus' heart was the community.

Go along, enjoy the friendship and if you find that you get a bit of clarity on what you believe, that is no bad thing, either

FakePlasticTrees · 29/09/2010 21:26

you'd be welcome at our church too.

Go along, I hope you enjoy it. Maybe if they have an Alpha or Christainty Explored course you could take part in that? (They are for newbies!)

moominmarvellous · 29/09/2010 21:27

DD and I go every week. I was raised catholic and it just felt like what I should do again when she came along. However as the church is also linked to DD's nursery theres a real continuity thing to it all that I like.

DD sees the same little friends doing the same thing we do, I see people around and about locally and most Sundays we'll go for coffee in the hall after and I can catch up with Mum friends while she has a run about with the children.

DH doesn't 'do' church but is happy for me to.....not least because he gets a lie in and to watch the flipping Motor GP on a Sunday morning, then I come back and make us all breakfast!

flibbertigibbert · 29/09/2010 21:29

I have to say that I've considered doing the same thing. I'm still fairly new to the area and church seems such a good way of meeting people.

I also love the hymns even though I'm an agnostic and not 100% sure I believe the meaning behind them.

In fact, this thread has made me consider going even more. I especially like this:

"you go to Church to look towards what you feel to be Good...to reflect..to have some time out from day to day concerns..to (try to) follow the Christian teachings such as love your neighbour as yourself...and to be part of a community all trying to do those things together."

LaRochelle · 29/09/2010 21:51

YANBU at all.

maryz · 29/09/2010 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DandyDan · 29/09/2010 22:34

Also, there are no "proper Christians". Go along, enjoy the company, the calm and peace, the atmosphere, the architecture and stained glass if it's an older church, find what you can in what you hear. It's a community of people trying to listen, trying to practise being thankful, being prayerful, being nice to one another, gaining strength to go and be better people in the world, esp with those we don't like or love very much, even if people aren't brilliant at it, because none of us are perfect.

tholeon · 30/09/2010 08:20

thanks guys. I don't think that there is a good athiest or agnostic alternative to good religion in the sense that I was meaning. I don't mean that you can't act morally without being religious of course but in terms of the opportunity to take time out of day to day life and in doing it together as a community.

The problem is I think that there can also be bad religion, which some people judge it all by. Rev Giles Fraser (another C of E vicar!) is my pin up guy on the subject, he writes for the Guardian and in other places sometimes.

Anyway, go ahead and enjoy it.

Creamlegbar · 30/09/2010 08:30

Yanbu

Do pelvic floor exercises during the boring bits.

laweaselmys · 30/09/2010 09:05

Argh. Now I want to go. It is nice in there...

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