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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be considering going to church to improve my social life

39 replies

dilemma456 · 29/09/2010 20:50

I'm not entirely sure what I believe but I feel that there is a greater something out there. I agree with a lot of the Christian ethos but would not actively call myself a Christian or anything else.

There is a thriving, very popular church with family services less than 5 minutes walk from here. Its traditional C of E. I know the vicar and get on well with him and he always asks me to come on Sundays. I've taken DD a few times and she always enjoys it. I do not take communion as I think that would be a step too far but I do go up for a blessing along with DD as it tends to instill some calmness in me.

I find it an active friendly church and there are lots of people who attend I'd like to get to know better. Would it be wrong to go if I don't have a deeply held belief? If you did would you feel used or betrayed by someone who attended and wasn't entirely sure about what was being said?

I'm wrestling with myself.

OP posts:
twopeople · 30/09/2010 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MollysChambers · 30/09/2010 09:35

You're curous and interested in Christianity. That seems like a very valid reason to go imo.

hotcrossbunny · 30/09/2010 09:45

I must admit I've wondered this myself!

My only concern is how much pressure there would be to get fully involved, house groups etc. I was a church goer until I was about 17, then had a break and went for a few years when dd was little. The church community had a huge falling out and ditched the vicar (who I liked) and I struggled to see much Christianity going on and have had a huge faith struggle again sinceSad I would like to go to church - I agree the hymns and architecture are very special - but I don't want to become immersed in it IYSWIM?

Sorry slight thread hijack, but possibly something for the OP to consider...

Hopefully · 30/09/2010 09:57

This thread is so nice it's making me want to go to church! I was really expecting lots of less than welcoming responses to OP.

MollysChambers · 30/09/2010 10:18

I go every week and am not a Christian (I go because dh likes me to go with him). You get as involved as you want to be IME. As far as Christians are concerned going to church is one of the first steps to being converted and is to be welcomed, I would think. I've never experienced any pressure to be more involved but have always been made to feel very welcome.

oliviacrumble · 30/09/2010 10:21

Definitely go! I was brought up Catholic, grew to loathe many aspects of the Catholic Church, and didn't attend church for maybe twenty years.

When my children were very small, I decided i wanted them bring them up with a Christian faith, and started bringing them to church regularly (Anglican though, not RC).

They are now all baptised, and I feel part of a lovely community.

I am still wracked with doubts at times, as to what I actually believe, but have decided to not allow this to stop me from becoming part of this church family.

I try to listen with an open heart and mind, and always feel better for having attended a service.

And the hymns and architecture are lovely!

yellowflowers · 30/09/2010 12:06

I am not a christian. Sometimes I go to church because having a quiet space to think and reflect and hear nice songs works for me - and is cheaper than a massage! Lots of churches have signs saying open to those of all faiths and none for quiet contemplation - they are the ones I go to.

ilovehens · 30/09/2010 12:39

A lot of people who go to church aren't really sure of what they believe. It's fine to go for the social aspects of it, or just for some peace and quiet and to listen to the hymns. Even when I didn't believe, I used to just go along and light a candle and admire the stained glass windows. It's part of our heritage and it's good to make contact with it for whatever reason.

You can join in as much or as little as you want and get to meet different people and make friends.

inkyfingers · 30/09/2010 13:00

Just go! The vicar's even invited you and he knows you're not a believer. If it's not a welcoming place, it shouldn't be a church. Non-belief is fine - but could be a problem if you wanted to teach Sunday school, or join PCC etc.

Bramshott · 30/09/2010 13:03

In a small village like the one I live in, I'd say that most people go to church for the social life Grin!

itsatiggerday · 30/09/2010 13:14

Agree, go. When I stopped work for dc1, being part of a church was by far the best way I found to get some interaction and socialising during 'work hours'.

Twopeople I think I'd go further and say the only reason not to go to a place of worship is if you plan to disrupt the proceedings for everyone else. If you have stuff you really want to raise, I just think it would be more appropriate to do it with the vicar or whoever when it's not disturbing everyone else's time. If you're looking just to find out what actually goes on even though you think you oppose it, I think it's totally fine to go along.

veritythebrave · 30/09/2010 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DandyDan · 30/09/2010 14:21

Of course they do. Little old ladies have in the main been mums themselves, and have grandchildren and great-grandchildren. It would be an excuse to fuss over little ones. All the older ladies in church I've met have been really lovely about children - very often they're missing seeing their own grandchildren. I'm sure everyone would have been very sympathetic.

Heracles · 01/10/2010 03:05

I've always said that going to church every week would be great if they didn't keep bringing religion into it.

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