to take out my dc who has the pox?

[sleeplessinseatle]

Obviously not to playgroups etc, but I've got a baby at home and don't think I can cope otherwise. Is there anywhere we can safely go where there won't be lots of kids/pregnant women?

HalftermHero Thank you for your concern. I won't hide the thread.

I think some of the attitudes on this thread are just plain nasty - but I don't think that's a good enough reason to run away.

In my previous job I cared for 2 adults who developed pneumonia as a complication of CP. Both had had CP as children....both of them died. CP is a mild childhood illnes in most case but for someone with a compromised immune system (e.g someone on chemo), pregnant women or an adult who has never had CP it can be extremely serious.

Avril I didn't say that. I mean what is the point of deleting my post if you're going to then (inaccurately) paraphrase me?

Sassysusan has every right to express her opinions. Same goes for everyone else.

Are you sure she wasn't just trying to explain how it would feel if it happened to another poster? I have in no way been through simelar devastating loss but after my 2 stillbirths I just wanted people to know how it felt. I really wanted them to feel it and not just me, It was horro watching everyone go on as normal in their little bubbles of safety and assurance that things wouldn't happen to them.

Not really to lose their child but to just know the horror of how it felt and what i was living with. I wasn't thinking rationally in many ways, how can you, like someone said, it was all my energy to get through the day. If someone was flipantly saying to me something extremely tactless about my losses, making light of or just being extremely selfish and ignornat, how could that not make you angry?

I didn't actually think I was being rude at all, and was surprised my post was deleted.

I asked for the post to be deleted.

SassySusan said that she wished SGBs children would die. That is paraphrased, as I cannot remember the exact wording but it is pretty much the gist of it. You may not remember it like that, I can imagine that you were very angry.

I absolutely agree with you, Susan, in that anyone whose child has CP should stay home and avoid passing it on to someone else.

At the same time there is nothing that warrants wishing the children of another poster dead. Which is why I asked for the post to be deleted.

i think that you should retract your request Mmelindt, since you can't actually remember exactly what was said and given that you actually misunderstood the background to Sassy's feelings and thoughts. People can make their own minds up if Sassys post was offensive.

Goodness.
I would do everything in my power to stop anyone else being infected. It's one thing to damn someone's understanding of the relationship between CPox and Shingles, and another to realise that you could actually be responsible for a child's death.

Of course anyone can be infected at any time during the pre-symptom stage, but I would very much like it not to be me who, accidentally, carelessly or having taken some decision based on my superior sense of risk analyisis, ever causes such distress, illness or distress. Not on the basis of a nice afternoon out at the park or a friends, anyway.

xpost Jelly - yes you are on the button.

Ok, my recollection is that I generously shared the ulimate tragic story about my DD's death to illustrate how dangerous cp coudl be.

SGB replied - yes, your DD dying is sad, but very rare, and it is unreasonable to stop people going about their daily busines just cos the odd child here and there will die.

I actually think that's quite rude, SORRY, VERY RUDE but to say it directly to a bereaved mum is actually

I wanted to reply that it doesn't matter how many children die, if the one who dies is yours. What better way of illustrating this then putting it so personally, as to suggest the improbable event of both her children dying - as a basis for a fun future discuyssion on risk.

It shoudl be pointed out, that this remark was intended to make SGB and others think about the impact of losing a child - which is the same if it happens to you however small the risk was.

It did not increase the risk of SGB's DCs (if she has any) dying.

Whilst people seem aghast that I might theorise about SGB's living children dying, so many posters seem to think it is fine to expect me to appreciate that my intensely personal story is a bit off-topic because the risk of it happpening to anyone else is very small.

Some people here need to go and take a long hard look in the mirror.

Well said Sassy .

Sassybeast
I have no idea if it is possible to ask for Sassysusan's post to be reinstated, but even if it were I would not do so.

I do not know the exact wording of the entire post, but I know that she said to SGB "I hope both your children die".

Even knowing that Susan's daughter died does not change my mind.

Of course it does not make the likelihood of SGB's children dying higher, but I still find it an unreasonable thing to say, a horrible thing to wish on anyone.

Sassysusan has, understandably, posted in anger in this thread. I dithered about reporting the post but chose to come offline. The post in reference to SGB said that SS wished one of SGBs children would die.

SS has -again understandably- been rude but then again so have the responses.

A vaccine is not the answer. I have had CP mildly twice as a child and suspectedly so as an adult. I am still not immune. I am not convinced a vaccine would solve that. What would work is people being aware of how bad it is for other people and the complications involved. Maybe it's one for the MN campaign team.

SassySusan and Loudlass I am truly sorry for your losses.

SassySusan - I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I hope that by people like you and I sharing what can happen when people go out while their dc are infectious with CP, we can slowly make others see that, while the risks might be small to the person who's dc has CP, the risks to other people may be much much greater.

I cannot for the life of me understand how someone can turn round to a bereaved mother, and say that it's unreasonable to stop your daily business because someone's child might die.

Did the risks to my baby, or SassySusan's DD, not matter to those of you who are saying that a trip to the park / supermarket is ok? When you all have internet access and are quite capable of getting food delivered? Why is it so hard to understand, that YES, for some people, CP IS like the black death.

I think the sheer amount of pain and fury here really shows why a visit to the park won't be worth it, ever.

SS - I can only guess what it's like for you, I was so lucky that my DS survived aged 3 after his bone marrow transplant. I changed as a person due to the arguing/pushing/recognising what fwits so many 'medical professionals' were/putting up with selfish ppl in their bubbles who thought that aplastic anaemia/leukaemia might just be catching to their DCs/responsibility for keeping him away from MORONS of the type who laugh about themselves and their DCs being out and about while covered in CP etc. etc. Even 21 years later I am MUCH stronger than I would have been as a person. This has done me good in my career and also helped me when bringing my children up. Death and serious illness in children will break you then make you stronger. You don't have time for idiots, or ppl who present as such. I understand your passion, so should others. On my son's first day at school an idiot child said: 'My mum said you're going to die!' Thanks for that to the moron who informed their child that my son was ill. His starting school was a massive day for us - one we thought we'd never see - ruined by that. Ppl's emotional incontinence in this country is ridiculous. Sorry for rant, end of.
((SS))*

Avril That is not accurate - they were not x posts.

I posted that my daughter had died at 11.08

SGB came back at 11.10 and 11.13 - so 5 minutes after my initial post.

I thought the first reply was so rude at 11.10 I assumed it must be a x-post, so my initial response was moderate.

My post - the one that was deleted - was posted at 11.18 - 10 minutes after my intial post explaining my dd had died of cp.

It was not a x-post. Incidentally, SGB who has come onto the thread subsequently, wrote Sassy can think what she likes and so can everyone else. She didnt'say anything about xposts or not understanding.

I don't believe I wished death on her children. I said I would look forward to discussing risk with her if both her children died. The point is very low probability events do occur. They happen to real people. I am one of them.

It is all very well dismissing cp as low risk when it hasn't happened to you - it happens to some people. I would love to see how SGB changes her mind about risk - that is not the same as wishing her DCs dead.

It seems a bit silly to get so wound up about someone saying ... huh... wait till something tragic happens to you... but think it is fine to tell a bereaved mum that you can't expect people to sit at home with sick kids for a few days, becasue the risk of someeone else's child dying like yours is low.

My post is the only post on the thread that has been deleted. Given the way the discussion has gone, do you really think this is reasonable?

Loudlass - I started the thread in the middle, and have just caught up with your post. I'm very sorry for your loss too. People can be very selfish, and some of the posts on this thread are astounding. As usual.

This is going to be my last post as I am just repeating myself now.

Sassy
I may not remember your post word for word but it certainly contained the line, "I hope both your children die".

There was no mention of "try to put yourself in my place and imagine your child died because of a preventable disease" or anything similar.

While I have massive sympathy for what you are going through, and I can understand the anger you feel, this was a horrible thing to write.