to take out my dc who has the pox?

[sleeplessinseatle]

Obviously not to playgroups etc, but I've got a baby at home and don't think I can cope otherwise. Is there anywhere we can safely go where there won't be lots of kids/pregnant women?

sassy loudlass mrsdevere I am so sorry for your losses.

I can't believe people can read your heartbreaking stories and still bleat on about bloody 'risk management' unbelievable!

Thank you for sharing your stories, I didn't realise how dangerous CP could be until reading reading a thread on a different forum a while ago.

That's a bit rich Avril considering some of your insensitive and patronising contributions!

So, getting back to the orginal question. OP you are being unreasonable, suck it up, wait it out and stay indoors.

It'll be over soon enough.

Both my children caught it within a week of each other, I didn't take either of them out the house, kept them away from my pregnant friend when I heard there was a massive breakout of it at nursery and waited until every scab had dried over, it's not a huge amount of time to keep them inside, and even so it's a virus and i know when i have a virus the last thing I want to do is go for a run in the park!! A friend of mine told me her son had chicken pox but was visiting the doctors anyway, why do people do that? To most chicken pox is a mild virus but to people with low immunity etc it's life threatening and don't forget people who can then catch shingles from your child that's really painful!

Ooohhh, just stay indoors.

Too many risks.

sassysusan, sadly people don't get it until it effects them.

I remember not so long ago a friend moaning because another mum had started ranting at a woman who had brought her poxy child in.

The other mum was ranting because her son was/is very ill and eventually will need a liver transplant. Something like chicken pox could be fatal.

My friend just couldnt get it, she thought the mum had over reacted etc and her attitude was 'well, if he's that bad, he shouldnt be at nursery' And apparently, they arent contagious when the rash is there

I calmly asked her how she'd react if it was her in that situation, the mums reaction was totally understandable imo.

The point is, if we all just put ourselves out slightly to reduce the risk to others, it can be less of an issue.

Avril

I told SGB that my daughter had died, and she responded: "Look, there are no guarantees with anything. It's understandable, when something terrible happens, to try to make it someone else's fault, so you can hate them, but sometimes shit just happens"

If one of your children dies, let me assure you that if someone refers to their death as "shit that happens" you will find it offensive. It is not an appropriate response.

You have now been banging on about a single post that I wrote that has long been deleted for 2 days now. I have explained my position previously, and won't do so again. That you have to concentrate on one remark that was reported by a poster who thought my daughter had survived cp says a lot. I feel I have been very, very restrained.

It astounds me that if you want to take on the role of unoffical thread moderator, and berate me repeatedly for being horrible, inexcusable etc., that you have no problem with SGB posting things such as
'If you are in an at-risk group, either get vaccinated or buy yourself a germ suit.' or her equally charming suggestion that her son's needs came above children with cancer - so sue me!

A number of people have posted harrowing tales, not for sympathy, but to help others understand how dangerous this can be and the impact it can have - and we deserve to be treated with compassion and respect.

I thought your suggestions that I should divert my energy into campaigning for routine vaccination against chicken pox was the low point on the thread. It is an extremely crass suggestion - and both I and other bereaved parents did point this out to you at the time. And you, the self appointed thread moderator, didn't even have the courtesy to reflect and apologise.

If anyone does happen to your children, I guarantee you will look back at this horrific exchange and hang your head in shame. I really find it hard to understand how you are not doing so already.

Sorry, what deserves a separate thread? What is "it" that shouldn't be discussed here?
My post is a direct response to some of the comments about risk which I do not believe to be appropriate on a thread about a serious childhood disease which has directly impacted other posters in such a devestating way.
What do you suggest I start a separate thread about? Perhaps "Am I being unreasonable to think that posters on another thread are bing unreasonable?" I think I probably won't do that if that is quite OK with you.

If there was a vaccine before my dc had had cp? Yes, I would have agreed to it.

Did I realise cp could cause so many problems to people other than pregnant women? No

Did I take my dc out before crusty scabs? No

But, what about if my eldest was at school, my youngest had cp and I had nobody to leave baby with or take dc to school?

There has to be a bit of common sense with this surely. You can't say everyone on the street with a cp infected child is thoughtless. Yes there are thoughtless people who don't consider other people but this goes for a lot of things like driving whilst on a phone or letting their dog crap on the grass in a park and then not pick it up. Horrible things can happen to people you love because somebody didn't think or didn't care.

I think a little less judging and generalisations, aswell as a bit more understanding and compassion needs to happen on all sides, but isn't that always the way? Easier said than done.

There's nothing wrong with your post anne It was a perfectly reasonable contribution.

SiriusStar You suggest less a little less judging and generalisations, aswell as a bit more understanding and compassion needs to happen on all sides.

The problem is the two positions arent really comparable, are they? Can I remind you of MrsDevere's post at 8pm last night about her dd who was dying of cancer:
'She got CP. She also relapsed. Because she had CP the doctors didnt realise she relapsed. She suffered agonising pain. Terrible, awful, unstoppable pain. I once spent three days and nights just holding her as she writhed and screamed. My brave girl who never complained.'

Presumably Mrs Devere and her daughter should worked harder to summon up more compassion for the mother faced with the logistical crisis of the school run?

Please read Mrs Devere's post again, and this time imagine it is your child writhing in agony for 3 days. Actually, why don't you turn the comp off, sit down quitely and hold that thought for 5 minutes. I know you won't exactly be able to imagine what it is like to watch your child to die, but try just for 5 minutes. See if you find it upsetting at all... and then come back and tell me we need sympathy on both sides again.

SassySusan - thank you. I have re-read it several times to see if there was some bizarre mis-wording that made it offensive. Th last thing I wanted to do was be misunderstood and be the cause of more hurt.

AvrilHeytch - thinking that "wider issues" deserve a thread of their own is different from saying that a post will "only cause more hurt".
There have been posts that have caused hurt. Clearly my post about "wider issues" was not one of them so I think your response was a little random.

Avril - how depressing that you've read my blog - thousands of words explaining about the devastating loss of a child, and can still come in here and spout such shit...

(wanders away muttering..... )

When i first started reading this thread i wondered what all the fuss was about and truely thought 'its only cp'. I NEVER knew how bad it could be i have been very naive.

Sassysusan I am so so sorry for you loss, i know it doesnt help ease the pain in any way but you have changed me, i will be getting DD2 who is 20 weeks old vacinated. DD1 has already had CP and i would have to be honest and say that although i kept her in most of the time we did make one trip to the shop and i feel sick to my stomach knowing that i could have affected someone elses life in such an awful way. I realy wasnt being selfish when i took her out i realy and truely did not know how bad it could be and i think there needs to be more education about it. I will be telling everyone i know about this thread.
Even if DD2 gets cp after being vacinated i WILL NOT be taking her out, DD1 can miss school for a few weeks if i dont manage to get anyone to take her, because lets face it another childs life is more important then my DD1 missing alittle school that she would be able to catch up on.

I think the posters that think its ok to take even the smallest risk fail to realise it could have been their child that had cp and died. Quite how someone can think anything is more important then a childs life is beyond me it realy is.

So dont think that posting your story and arguing your point has done nothing because it has, if it has educated me i am sure it has others to and that will save some lives.

IMO what is unreasonable are people who know about the serious risks to others and still continue to go out & about, cos they need medicine/shopping/to get out of house.

I'm sure that lots of people, myself included, were not aware of serious risk to others before this thread and, said before, we should be thankful to those who have bravely posted about the loss of their children due to CP. My ds has not had CP yet, he has a compromised immune system & if did catch CP, I would have def made myself more aware of risks before now & ensured not to put anyone else at risk. I also have friends who I've seen were out & about with their children with CP & am pretty sure they are just not aware of seriousness, will def inform if come across that again.
I find it hard to fathom how normally people would have no one to ask for help if they needed anything, if i'm new to an area I try to make sure I have that in place before anything happens, with young children you do have to sometimes rely on kindness of others. A suggestion, when weather is really bad, go & offer elderly in your area to see if they need anything, then hopefully you can ask them for help at times. Bad weather/snow etc can be very hard for elderly to get about but usually no prob for young family.

I had no idea about how dangerous chicken pox could be until I read this thread. And I do some work with pregnant/newborn women so you'd think I'd have read or been told about this before now. I feel very ignorant.

When ds inevitably gets it I will not be taking him out until every last spot has scabbed over. If that means doing my shopping online or sending out dh and being bored witless at home that's fine. Not worth the risks IMO. I couldn't have the possible consequences on my conscience.

I will also be doing some research into the vaccine too because I'd like to know more.

And to everyone who's lost children due to cp my deepest sympathy. It's your stories that have prompted me to educate myself about this more.

Could you STOP bullying Avril now?

Could you STOP bullying Avril now?

I obviously don't work with newborn women Just pregnant women and newborns.

My heart goes out to SassySusan loudlass and mrsdevere.

I sadly lost my beanie at 12wks this year after contracting chickenpox. My daughter was struck down with CP on Boxing Day. As I was pregnant, I had my immunity tested and it came back that I was VZV (varicella zoster virus) immune and should have no worries. Unfortunately on 11th January this year I miscarried my baby and I developed chickenpox whilst miscarrying. For me, the chickenpox vaccination would be useless - I don't develop enough immunity to the virus to prevent me from contracting CP, therefore if/when I am pregnant in the future I will have to be careful to not come into contact with chickenpox.

I probably should have hidden this thread, but I didn't - so I apologise in advance for my language.

Attitudes like those of SGB incense me. YES, I do expect you to quarantine yourself/ your children and NO I don't fucking care how inconvenient that is to you. People have suffered tragic losses because of people with attitudes like yours - sheer selfishness and total lack of consideration of others. I honestly find your attitude appalling; to infect someone unwittingly is an accident and unavoidable, but to potentially infect someone knowingly - merely because you need some shopping, are bored, or other such bullshit - is disgusting.

You know what I find so depressing abouth this thread? Its been done so many times before! I am not angry at the OP for asking the question I am beyond angry that I have seen this thread over and over and over on this forum and Netmums.

Its like a P&C parking space thread but the difference is - this MATTERS.

How would this thread go if there wasnt someone as brave and willing to stand up for herself like Sassy?

No she wont let go, yes she is like a dog with a fucking bone because this MATTERS.

Her baby girl died. She is not going to slink off and sob because people dont care and she isnt going to apologise for being angry with those who dont care. Can you imagine how difficult that is? Standing up to MNs when you are happy, healthy and have happy, healthy kids is hard enough. Doing it when your fucking insides have been ripped out? Could you?

loudlass shared her tragedy and now poor Bunny who never ever got to hold her baby, I am so sorry Bunny.

I know there are others who have shared and I am sorry if I have not named you. That doesnt mean you arnt important and I havent registered. I cant stand to go through all the posts again. Its too much. I am taking a break from some cleaning and have just spent 20 minutes trying to sort out charity stuff. Difficult when I am clutching my girl's trainers in my arms, they were glued to me, I just couldnt let them go.

Over emotionally, mawkish claptrap, trying to guilt you all into thinking? Whatever you want to call it as long as you DO think.

I cant see anyone being bullied on here apart from Sassy but because she will NOT be a victim she isnt having any of it.

Mumsnet is a forum where people will call ABUSE if someone swears at a child, call for castration if a man doesnt fancy his wife when she is pregant FFS.

But its ok to dismiss the pain, despair, agony, bereavement, death, as a risk worth taking if you run out of cheese!

FWIW if I saw a child with CP in a buggy with the plastic hood down and a mum dashing in the chemist for capol I wouldnt think 'selfish bitch' I would appreciate that she was trying to get the child home and minimise the risk of infection.

If you need to do the school run? Phone the school and arrange to come in later so you are not in the playground at the same time as all the other kids and parents.

My DS's old school had stupid fucking policies for every eventuality in the playground, no playing on the play equipment, no swearing, no bicycles etc etc Anything about bringing infectious children into a space where about 40% of the women were pg at any one time? Did they buggery. Probably because they would have to listen to the whinging of all these poor parents who wouldnt be able to cope.

BTW my DS had the vaccination when he was 1. He got CP when he was 7. He had just started his new school that week. Did I send him even though he is autistic and the change was huge for him. Of course I didnt. Even though he got about two spots, none on his face, noone would have known.

Except that parents of the vunerable kids who may have got sick or died that is.