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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for being flabbergasted about what the sure start worker said to my friend?

119 replies

superv1xen · 28/09/2010 20:30

she was at a stay and play session with her DC (18 months) and she got TOLD OFF for talking to her friends and not playing with her DS enough Confused wtf!!

since when do they think they can dictate who is and isnt interacting with their kids enough?

i go there so my kids can run and play in a safe enviromnment and i can have a chat with my friends, if any of the santimonious fuckers workers had have said that to me i would have told them where to shove their opinions.

OP posts:
Original poster
superv1xen · 28/09/2010 20:31

sorry talking to her friends "too much" i meant to say.

OP posts:
greenlotus · 28/09/2010 20:35

I think that's the way with Sure Start. The group I used to go to was great but there were no chairs for adults to sit down (2 hrs session), I mentioned it and it was pointed out that we were meant to be interacting with our children Grin

I suspect they mean to be helpful as their brief is to build up people's parenting skills but I guess not very tactful in your friend's case. Perhaps she should try a soft play centre....

narna · 28/09/2010 20:39

I got told off at the creche at mine for leaving my DS a snack-apparently i was teaching him to eat when he was unhappy and therefore causing bad eating habits-he used to cry a bit when i left him...whatever...

Original poster
superv1xen · 28/09/2010 20:40

well my friend has excellent parenting skills, her DS was safe and having fun, she just wanted a chat with some adults!

i had a bad experience there as well, i was drinking a small bottle of diet coke and got told to put it away or leave Shock they have a "healthy eating policy" Hmm so apparently that was not acceptable. even though it was only ME drinking it, none of the kids, anyone would think i was smoking a fag and breathing it all over the kids or something :o

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 28/09/2010 20:41

I think they're used to totally useless parents who haven't got a clue about much. So they'll seem to over react. I wouldn't worry too much about it if her ds is well attended to. Sometimes I'd rather the professional services were too alert rather than slack.

bumder · 28/09/2010 20:43

Theres chairs at our one. I used to be a hoverer though but now I've got a baby and a toddler the toddler just gets on with it while I sit with the baby and have a good natter and everyone else there does the same.
It was very rude what they said imo - it's good for kids to interact with other kids - they get enough mum at home.
I would probably have a word with the centre manager so they can ensure this member of staff is a bit more tactful in future - they could be putting off parents who desperately need access to the service.

WinkyWinkola · 28/09/2010 20:43

Totally OTT about the coke though.

rubbersoul · 28/09/2010 20:44

That's abit OTT about the diet coke, crikey!!

I did some work with SureStart (years ago) and the aim was to actually make parents feel comfortable, not treat them like children??

SloanyPony · 28/09/2010 20:45

I remember that post Supervixen, they were stupid pricks to you. God I hate that patronising shyte. Its the kind of thing that makes you want to say, "no, I'm good" so they ask you to leave and you can say "no, I'm good" and see exactly what they are going to do - call security?

bumder · 28/09/2010 20:45

Oh and our one gives the kids a healthy snack and then pass the chocolate biscuits round for the adults while the little toddlers are standing on tiptoes and trying to grab them off the plate!

Original poster
superv1xen · 28/09/2010 20:57

EXACTLY rubbersoul, that is exactly how most of them seem to act, treating parents like children.

and LOL @ sloanypony, i should have done that, i am too much of a wuss though :o

OP posts:
TarkaLiotta · 28/09/2010 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sleepingsowell · 28/09/2010 21:10

Sounds like their reasons for existing are a little confused to me. Either it's an open access playgroup where people act as they wish, or it's some sort of sub-social-services resource for teaching parenting skills to parents who are somehow 'of concern' in some way.
I would have found that very patronising.
Though I have to say, I spent all my time at the few playgroups I took DS to, playing with DS, because the other mums were so cliquey and wouldn't bother with me! Gold star to me anyway for being with my ds Grin

cupcakesandbunting · 28/09/2010 21:11

This is why I have avoided these things like the plague. I play/interact with my son a lot. If son is playing with other children and there are adults to be chatting to, guess what I'll be doing?

Do not need parenting lessons off some fuckwits with an NVQ level one in shitted nappies or whatever. Meh.

southeastastra · 28/09/2010 21:13

maybe some parents do need telling, no need to be so arsey about the staff cupcakes

sleepingsowell · 28/09/2010 21:14

Some parents certainly need telling, but I think the thing is you need to make clear when you advertise a group what your purpose for existing is. Is it a parenting skills group or a social group? Not fair to come up and criticise a parent imo if they've just rocked up at a group so that they and their kid can have some social time. And if they have absolutely no clue that their parenting is to be judged in any way.

cupcakesandbunting · 28/09/2010 21:15

But surely they can differentiate between parents that need telling because their children need supervising/parental interaction and parents who are having five minutes grown-up conversation? You do not need to be glued to your child to be a good parent.

arses · 28/09/2010 21:17

I go to the odd Stay and Play and some parents leave very, very tiny babies (e.g. under 8 weeks) lying on the floor on play mats in a room with very, very many boisterous toddlers running riot learning and developing through play. I have seen some near, near misses with the tiny tots...

itsybitsy08 · 28/09/2010 21:20

It would annoy me tbh - i go to playgroups with dd so she can learn to interact with other children - she spends enough time playing with adults!
Yanbu.

bearcrumble · 28/09/2010 21:21

Off tangent slightly but this is the problem with Surestart centres - they offer free groups to everyone in the area but it isn't the ones they are trying to reach who take them up. My postnatal group at the local surestart was like an offshoot of the NCT...

arses · 28/09/2010 21:21

Are you sure it wasn't a supervision issue?

laweaselmys · 28/09/2010 21:25

I think you lot are being ungrateful. It's a free resource. Which tries to teach good parenting skills by example, in a comfortable setting.

So it's not unreasonable to be told off for drinking coke, when that's their policy. Especially because if you'd spilt it (not unlikely with kids running around) it would be a bugger to clean.

I doubt anyone told anybody they should be playing with their DC without a good reason, although yes it probably could've been more tactful. So sorry if I don't believe you there.

Most of the staff at my centres are extemely well qualified often to masters level. If making them out to be ignorant makes you feel better you must have sod all else to be pleased about in this life.

lilyliz · 28/09/2010 21:26

give people a wee bit authority and it goes to their heads,common sense goes out the window too.Everybody is treated like the thick no nothing people it was supposed to help.You are too intelligent for it ,find another playgroup.

laweaselmys · 28/09/2010 21:26

(last comment not aimed at OP but cupcakes obviously)

Anenome · 28/09/2010 21:29

I wouldnt use them personally...they were designed to help the most at risk...which is why you never get them in well off areas. At least in my city you don't.

It's spoon feeding at it's worst.