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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for being flabbergasted about what the sure start worker said to my friend?

119 replies

superv1xen · 28/09/2010 20:30

she was at a stay and play session with her DC (18 months) and she got TOLD OFF for talking to her friends and not playing with her DS enough Confused wtf!!

since when do they think they can dictate who is and isnt interacting with their kids enough?

i go there so my kids can run and play in a safe enviromnment and i can have a chat with my friends, if any of the santimonious fuckers workers had have said that to me i would have told them where to shove their opinions.

OP posts:
cupcakesandbunting · 28/09/2010 21:29

I don't give a fig what qualifications they have. It is unrealistic, in any setting, for you to be glued to your child every second. It is also patronising to suggest otherwise. There's a difference between letting your child run amok causing merry hell whilst you sit oblivious and having five or ten minutes down time with other adults whilst children play in a safe environment.

I'd also feel very shortchanged if my masters got me a job in a SureStart centre Hmm

FlyingInTheCLouds · 28/09/2010 21:30

they did this last week at ours. bet it is some new directive.

IAPJJLPJ · 28/09/2010 21:31

superv1xen - sounds like my local surestart. Doesn't begin with an E by any chance??

Anenome · 28/09/2010 21:33

Cupcakes...which is why people with some education or sense should go to a community playgroup... and not a governent one. I agre with you...

cupcakesandbunting · 28/09/2010 21:34

Anenome, I do love you Grin That is the third post I have seen where you have alluded to the fact that you live in a very naice area actuerlly. LOL, Hyacinth Bouquet Grin

Anenome · 28/09/2010 21:34

I meant Government! Also agree...not agre!

intravenouscoffee · 28/09/2010 21:35

Sure Start is there to provide activities that encourage positive parenting. It's not like any old Toddler group - the staff will most likely be qualified Nursery Nurses who are there to promote good relationships between parent and child.

When I worked at a SS centre we did have problems with (a few) parents seeing the Stay and Play as a chance to let their children run around with no supervision and completely ignore them. At that point the staff would intervene and encourage some interaction. That's not 'authority going to their heads', it's experienced staff trying to do their job.

Anenome · 28/09/2010 21:36

I don't! Not that nice lol! There's a Surestart here! I just wouldn't go...there's none in my friends area..which is very "nice"...hem-hem.

southeastastra · 28/09/2010 21:37

blimey some nasty remarks on here, some obviously still think childcare and development is something 'thick' people go into.

surely there are lots of groups you have to pay for you could attend. Hmm

ravenAK · 28/09/2010 21:37

Oh they are a bit patronising.

I remember being solemnly lectured on the importance of reading to my children, as I made a pop-up book from old magazines & glitter. Quite fun actually!

The group of parents consisted of three teachers, a librarian & the manager of the local Waterstone's, on that occasion...

But it's a Govt. iniative, set up with taxpayers' money to support parents who might not have basic skills, so a bit of preaching comes with the territory. If it's not for you, there's no shortage of 'stay & play's in church halls etc. which are privately run & have no agenda beyond having a chat whilst the kids play.

Anenome · 28/09/2010 21:38

Intravenouscoffee

It would seem that some parents don't understand that though...maybe there needs to be better promotion to ensure people know what the groups are about.

usualsuspect · 28/09/2010 21:39

Well don't bloody well go to them Anenome,you wouldn't want to catch poor would you

Firawla · 28/09/2010 21:42

Did she just ignore her dc for the whole session though? otherwise i'm suprised they said something if she was only talking for a bit yet keeping an eye on her child @ the same time. Ours are lovely, but I think if the mum was not playing with her child at all, after seeing it a few times that they don't interact they probably might mention it (in a nice way).
Personally i hate some of the other playgroups where they do just sit the adults up on a chair out the way of the kids, and sit around ignoring the children. I would rather sit on the floor @ surestart and interact with children/chat with parents @ the same time.
FFS @ people thinking they are too good for surestart, if you dont want to go then fine - you leave more space for others so that is no problem, but quite insulting to say its not for people who are educated at all, as if you have to be proper thick to go and sit there. I find the people @ other groups a lot more stuck up really (and yes I am educated! but some people feel that having an education makes them so much better than others, obviously)
I have seen some people at one of our centres just talk on the phone and ignore their kids though, i think that is quite bad

happilyeverafter · 28/09/2010 21:42

It sounds like Surestart isn't for you. Maybe give them a wide berth in future.

Anenome · 28/09/2010 21:43

Southeastastra

It's not meant as nasty...it's honest. Surestart was set up to aid parental education because of the risk of neglect...that's why they are found in areas with lower incomes or high unemployment. Because those aras have more instances or child neglect and injury..which is why in the poorest areas Surestart give new parents a safety pack with stair gates, cupboard locks and a first aid box. They find many homes with a new baby are not equipped...it all goes with the territory..I don't need educating on how to play with my DC's. Some do...fine.

People should understand a little about the groups they attend.

Anenome · 28/09/2010 21:44

Usualsuspect

I don't go. I said that.

cupcakesandbunting · 28/09/2010 21:44

I agree Anenome. When I have been
moaning on here about having no friends with children locally, other MNers have advised me to try going to SS. I got the impression it was a toddler group with sone guidance (that's why I've stayed away) not a parenting class.

southeastastra · 28/09/2010 21:44

i was referring to the comment:
I'd also feel very shortchanged if my masters got me a job in a SureStart centre

usualsuspect · 28/09/2010 21:45

So poor people can't parent Hmm keep digging

arses · 28/09/2010 21:46

Most of us can learn some things about how to interact with our kids. I go to Baby Sensory and have come away with some great ideas for activities - even though I am qualified in the area of child development.

misdee · 28/09/2010 21:47

we have a brilliant childrens centre. one of the best in the area. i live in a poor area but better than most of the country iyswim. its poor for this area, but not overall.

anyway, i have done these stay and play sessions with dd3, and it was fun. i had dd4 on my lap, snoozing, and made playdoh with dd3. no mess for me to clear up.

however i dont get on in most of the ss groups as its not people i tend to socialise with. and i find some of the leaders a bit too much to handle, and feel like i get spoken to like a child. which i dont like.

arses · 28/09/2010 21:47

Why would anyone feel 'shortchanged' about their masters getting them a job in a specific venue or setting? Most speech therapists do sessions in Surestart Centres, HV's and MW's too. Some of these probably have MSc's. So?

grapeandlemon · 28/09/2010 21:48

OP I think there is more to the situation than you describe.

cupcakesandbunting · 28/09/2010 21:48

Oh god, why is there always someone with a poor complex on here?!

I understood what Anenome was saying and she happens to be right. The closest SS to us is in a vert deprived neighbouring town with high teenage pregnancy rates and high unemployment. It's no slur on the poor but the government obviously deemed it necessary to give parents in such areas a bit of a hand.

intravenouscoffee · 28/09/2010 21:49

Sure Start centres are pretty clear that they are there to support children and encourage good relationships between children and parents. Maybe the group leaders haven't explained the role of Stay and Play properly and that should be addressed but there seems to be an expectation on this thread that SS exists for the convenience of parents and it doesn't. It's there to nurture children.