Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to not want to get a dog

95 replies

SlightlyJaded · 28/09/2010 12:37

SO DH grew up with dogs and I didn't (we had a cat). I understand that he is a 'dog person' and I am not, but surely that doesn't make one of us 'wrong'.

DH has wanted to get a dog for years. To be honest, I have always avoided committing one way or the other but recently he has geared up the 'get a dog' campaign and now (unsurprisingly) has DC's (3&5) on board - to be honest, they could be roped into a 'let's get a half dead frog' campaign for the price of a packet of crisp - but anyway, I now have all of them banging on about getting a dog.

DH's perspective:
Dogs are loving and a calming influence in the home
Dogs teach DC's about the importance of caring for animals and making a commitment to look after something
Will force us to walk and exercise more
Will offer protection (even if it is only barking at the postman)
Dog will make the family feel complete
He will walk it (yeah right)

My perspective
I don't particularly like dogs - some of them scare me
They smell horrible
I don't want to have to deal with dog food / dog shit / walking dogs in rain
Dog will moult everywhere and I will end up doing some even more housework
Rows about where dog is allowed to sleep etc
I hate dogs begging for food and the thought of coming across half chewed bits of food in the house makes me want to vomit
Cost
Finding care for dog when we go away etc

See! My list is longer, so AIBU to not want a dog?

OP posts:

Original poster

SlightlyJaded · 28/09/2010 12:39

oh and can I just add,

I am SAHM so will have to listen to it yapping all day
and
I'm already knackered and it just sounds like more work to me...

OP posts:

KathyImLost · 28/09/2010 12:43

No, YANBU, but...

Think of the brownie points you'd get by agreeing to a dog when you really don't want one.

You might come to like the dog.
You could lay ground rules now about walking it etc. & make him stick to them.

We didn't have a dog for aaaaages when I was growing up but I was so happy when we finally got one.

Holymoly321 · 28/09/2010 12:43

I agree with you and I grew up with dogs. DH wants one, as doDS's 3 &5. I have said no way until the boys are at an age where they can take care of and walk dog themselves - even in the rain. Why should I deal with an animalthat they want? Hold your ground, I'm with you all the way!

HecateQueenOfWitches · 28/09/2010 12:43

"fine. get a dog. But you walk it, feed it, clean up after it, take it to the vet, play with it, train it, do any house work that is needed because of it, do everything it needs. And if you stop doing it and leave any of it to me, even once, I will take it to the pound while you are at work. If you are prepared to agree to that, by all means get your dog."

alexsdad · 28/09/2010 12:44

Get a cat(s).
They tick off items 1,2 and 5 on your DH's list.

I am with you on this one (for exactly the same reasons), and have also fought campaigns by DW and kids on dogs. With cats in the house, the campaign has subsided (though it does still come up from time to time).

Rosebud05 · 28/09/2010 12:45

YADNBU IMHO, though I hate the ruddy things.

I'm sure that this isn't a majority opinion, though .

pommedeterre · 28/09/2010 12:45

I could have written your post SlightlyJaded except dd is only 6 months old so just me vs DH at the moment. My (winning so far) argument is that I would do all the work around the sodding thing and I am already covering off baby and part time work from home. This is enough. Oh, and also, I don't want to.
I have already thought about how much harder it will be when dd is a bit older. I already have the 'It would be like her best friend' argument.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 28/09/2010 12:46

Dont get a dog if you all arent totally into the idea - not because it would be more work for you but because it wouldnt be fair on the dog! The dog is a deffenceless animal that would be relient on you as a new born baby would be. If you cannot all commit to those needs then you shouldnt get one.

Tell your DH to read a few of the stories about dogs being put to sleep, living most of their lives in cages waiting for someone to take them home. Not to make him want to rescue one, but because if you get a dog when you dont really want to that is more than likely where the poor thing will end up.

CMOTdibbler · 28/09/2010 12:46

yanbu - a family should not take on an animal unless all adults are fully on board.

OrmRenewed · 28/09/2010 12:48

You hate dogs. End of. Tell that to your DH - that'll shut him up. Why would he want to get some poor animal that will spend most of its hours with a person who hates it.

I'd love a dog but we aren't getting one because we can't.

B52s · 28/09/2010 12:59

We got a 6 week old puppy in May. Already have DS1 (3.9), DS2 (1.5) and DH (38). having a puppy is like having another baby in the house who doesn't wear a nappy. It's really hard work. Now said puppy is 5 months old and nearly toilet trained, it's better, but now it chews everything. DS2 loves it though, DS1 generally wants me to put him 'outside'. If you have the time and energy, great, if not, don't.

Saying all that though, we did have an old dog who carked it in February, who was great with the kids and wasn't a problem whatsoever.

I think what I'm trying to say is, if you do get a dog, make sure you get the right dog. Puppies are really hard work. Look into the breed and breeder carefully.

fedupofnamechanging · 28/09/2010 12:59

Don't be swayed by the idea that your DC will take it for walks. They will for about a week and a half, then the novely will have worn off and you will be freezing your arse off in the rain taking it for a walk.

If you are home all day and your DH is at work, the care will almost certainly fall to you. When it is sick on the carpet and DH is at work, you won't be able to save it for him. I wouldn't take a dog on under those circumstances unless I really wanted one.

I think your reasons are more compelling than your DH.

I also think both adults have to be in agreement and it is unfair of him to rope the kids in to get his own way

Scuttlebutter · 28/09/2010 13:00

I adore dogs, and do volunteer work for a greyhound charity. Thank goodness for your honesty. Please don't be budged. I would be horrified at the idea of a dog going to a home where one of the responsible adults was not signed up fully. A dog is a huge commitment for up to fifteen years, your eldest could have left home by the time the dog is dead. A dog is also an expensive commitment - are you happy about family resources being spent on special food for it, vets bills (can be huge), insurance, kennels when you are on holiday, worming, de flea-ing, possible new or adapted car, the list goes on.

If your husband and children really do love dogs then there is a huge amount they can do to be involved with them without owning one. Most dog rescues/dogs homes are desperate for people to come and walk the dogs - this is also a good idea for your kids to get an idea of the commitment needed when it is a cold wet day and they would rather be at a friend's party or watching a DVD in the warm. There is also a wonderful charity called the Cinnamon Trust, where you walk the dog for someone who is elderly or in poor health - it is a brilliant idea and again will be good for your DC to understand they are helping an elderly or sick person as well as their pet. I can highly recommend them.

There is also plenty of other voluntary work with animals that your DH or the kids can get involved with - just check out your local animal charities or do a bit of Googling. I'd recommend doing all the above anyway, even if you wanted a dog, as they are firstly good to do, but secondly will give you a better picture of the commitment and will allow you to assess the true level of enthusiasm of all concerned.

Good luck and PLEASE stick to your guns.

anonymousbird · 28/09/2010 13:01

DO NOT GET THE DOG.

Unless you really want the dog.

I was persuaded bullied into it in a moment of weakness. The first year was utter hell. I hated her and hated everything to do with her. She was a complete pain, and I cursed myself for agreeing giving in without a fight.

Ok, now, 2 years on, she is very sweet, under control, DH trained her, mostly walks her or whatever.

But I still resent her from time to time. It's not her fault, so I don't take it out on the dog (god forbid, no no no, I treat her with respect). She now means I cannot find somewhere to live, as no one will let me a house with a dog.

I want to go back to work next year, but how can I, with the dog?

Every time I want to go out for more than a few hours, or an overnight with the family, what about the dog?

It is a major commitment. I am having to live with it, and I honour that commitment. But I wish I didn't have to.

paisleyleaf · 28/09/2010 13:02

yanbu. I went through a few years when I wanted a dog (I grew up with dogs too), but DH really didn't fancy one - didn't want dog hairs on his suit, chewed furniture, smell in the house etc etc There was no point me trying to convince him as his concerns were valid - he probably would end up with dog hairs on his work suits.
Now a few years on, I'm pretty glad to not have a dog and have to pick up steaming poo daily. I think there are only certain times in your life when it's appropriate to get a dog; like when you're at home with young children/only working part-time/retired etc
And I really think you should be a family who walks a lot anyway - not waiting for a dog to get you out more and change your routine. You do miss out on a lot of wildlife when you're doing country walks with a dog.
Also, they can be inconvenient for taking DCs to the park - you feel you should take the dog - but the DCs want to go in the play bit.
I'm sure you don't need any more reasons really - just saying yanbu

Can you talk someone you know into getting a dog. We've got dogs in our extended family - best of all worlds. I'm happy to dog sit, walk the dogs etc on occasion.

HerbWoman · 28/09/2010 13:09

A couple of friends got dogs a 3 years ago. Both have said that the dogs ended up far more work than they anticipated. One family had a puppy (friend said if she had realised what it would be like they wouldn't have had it) and the other got a rescue dog who was very insecure to begin with and has taken a lot of work to settle in. In both cases the bulk of the work fell to the mums as they were at home during the day. Our kids would love a dog and I have said they can have as many as they want. When they have their own house.

HerbWoman · 28/09/2010 13:10

So what I meant was, no YADNBU. Hang in there.

IMoveTheStars · 28/09/2010 13:18

Don't underestimate the walking/picking up dog shit aspect. It's one of the many reasons that I don't want a dog.

Can I add another negative? Dogs really tie you to your house. Going out for more than a few hours is problematic and you can come home to a kitchen full of dog shit. Holiday's with dogs are a total nightmare. Would your DH be happy to put the dog in kennels if you were going away for a break?

don't underestimate the cost either - my parents have just reinsured their two old dogs at a cost of £45 a month for both of them!

kreecherlivesupstairs · 28/09/2010 13:22

Me and DD would love a dog. DH would hate a dog (but tolerate one if we went and got one). We are not settled enough to get one so currently we don't have any pets.
OP, YADNBU, it is a huge and expensive commitment.

Myleetlepony · 28/09/2010 13:27

I like dogs and wouldn't get one to be honest. They are a lot of work, there is the picking up poo in nappy sacks, and clearing it up in your garden... Not to mention how tied you are when you want to go out for the day, or on holiday. I think your DH needs to rethink. It would be different if you were keen as well, but you are the one who would be stuck with the care all day, and as you are so against that, it would be a really bad idea.

Original poster

SlightlyJaded · 28/09/2010 13:30

Gosh thanks for all your responses, I was starting to feel like an evil, heartless cow - DH's arguments being mostly emotional whilst mine are mostly practical.

I would never mistreat or take out resentment on a dog, but thank you for pointing out that it's also not fair on the dog to have to spend day after day with someone who would frankly, rather not...

One of DH's main arguments is that it would be relaxing and therapeutic for him to come in from his stressful job and be able to walk the dog and play with it. To be honest that makes me want to punch him. As far as I'm concerned, the 'de-stressing card' has already been played with the five-a-side football and the beers with the boys. Oh and yes pommedeterre, we've also had the 'it will be the children's best friend' argument. No, it won't, they're best friend will be a human and won't shit on the floor.

OP posts:

Original poster

SlightlyJaded · 28/09/2010 13:31

ooops 'their best friend' (heaven forbid that I should get pulled up by the pedant police):)

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 28/09/2010 13:32

What Scuttle said. YANBU. Be very very very firm.

Show him this thread if need be and especially what Hecate wrote, which is bang on.

paisleyleaf · 28/09/2010 13:35

Maybe it would therapeutic for him to take the DCs out and play with them when he gets in from work...

CMOTdibbler · 28/09/2010 13:35

Well, now is a good time to tell him that you will reconsider if, for a month he goes out for 45 minutes walk before and after work everyday, and at the weekends, plus noting what the dog would do when you go out/do things. Obv, he'd still need to do this on the evenings he would go out from work

If he has enough stamina to do that in the dark/cold/rain, then maybe he is committed...

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread