to not want to get a dog

[SlightlyJaded]

SO DH grew up with dogs and I didn't (we had a cat). I understand that he is a 'dog person' and I am not, but surely that doesn't make one of us 'wrong'.

DH has wanted to get a dog for years. To be honest, I have always avoided committing one way or the other but recently he has geared up the 'get a dog' campaign and now (unsurprisingly) has DC's (3&5) on board - to be honest, they could be roped into a 'let's get a half dead frog' campaign for the price of a packet of crisp - but anyway, I now have all of them banging on about getting a dog.

DH's perspective:
Dogs are loving and a calming influence in the home
Dogs teach DC's about the importance of caring for animals and making a commitment to look after something
Will force us to walk and exercise more
Will offer protection (even if it is only barking at the postman)
Dog will make the family feel complete
He will walk it (yeah right)

My perspective
I don't particularly like dogs - some of them scare me
They smell horrible
I don't want to have to deal with dog food / dog shit / walking dogs in rain
Dog will moult everywhere and I will end up doing some even more housework
Rows about where dog is allowed to sleep etc
I hate dogs begging for food and the thought of coming across half chewed bits of food in the house makes me want to vomit
Cost
Finding care for dog when we go away etc

See! My list is longer, so AIBU to not want a dog?

Difficult one. I didn't grow up with a dog. Nor did DH. But he always wanted one. We have one DS and he will remain an only. We got a lab puppy last summer (2009). I posted on here about how much I hated it. Hated the smell. Hated the poo in the garden (DH clears it - that is NOT my job!). Hated the smell of the food. Just hated everything about it. Tried very hard to get rid of the dog. Finally accepted she was staying. DH and DS both adore her. But I walk her. Have to nag DH to take his turn at weekends. DS NEVER wants to come on a walk with her.

Fast forward to now. We have 2 dogs!!!! Yes. I accepted Codie. Got used to her and can't really imagine her not being here. But I knew I wasn't interacting with her as much as I should and as much as people who REALLY love dogs do. So (my decision - DH is still in shock) we got another. Another lab pup from the same breeder. She is SO cute and is my baby! But. She is flippin hard work. Lab crossed with kangaroo. Doesn't take no for an answer. If we had gotten her first I would def have gotten rid! But I love her to bits! NEVER would have thought I would say that.

I still hate the pooey garden.
I like the walking.
I don't mind the food so much now.
Bought a roomba to deal with the hair.
Hate the wet dog smell when it rains.
Hate the mud everywhere when it rains.
Love the dogs. But don't tell DH!

But if I were you I wouldn't give in. Not with your children so young. Tell your DH no way for now but that you will revisit the subject in 2 years. With a 3 and 5 year old there is NO way i would contemplate it. And your DH will say he will do everything but the reality is that YOU are at home. So a lot of it will fall to you.

sorry, not had time to read all posts BUT

stay firm
do not be swayed
do not do it !!!!

if you do i can already see the AIBU thread in 6 months time ................

Scuttle's ideas are brilliant. I was going to suggest finding a neighbour with one who would let your DH and children take it for regular walks, but the Cinnamon Trust or a local old person, who would appreciate a hand, would be even better.

Vallhala's post has given me an idea. Can you stick your dh in a pound, that way he'll be surrounded by dogs and you may get some piece and quiet

YADNBU, do not get a dog. He's been childish, tell him to grow up.

My sister has always had dogs. She adores hers, but said to me recently, "do NOT get one, unless you all really, really want one, coz frankly they're an absolute pain in the arse."

YANBU. If you're not a dog person you're not a dog person. And if you're a SAHM your vote wins as you'd spend the most time with it (and inevitably end up being the one who does walks/poo runs).

Could you introduce DH to a Burmese cat somehow? They are cats that act a bit like dogs - very friendly and love attention from people - but without the walks and the poo duties.

Just an idea -- why not suggest to DH that he volunteers at his local dog rescue instead. It doesn't have to be kennel cleaning or walking, it could be fundraising, painting, gardening, DIY, socialisation and training or admin. All offers of help are welcome in a hard pressed independent rescue.

YANBU.I grew up with sheepdogs [so no walking and poo picking up],but have no desire to have a pet dog.DH has never had one and every now and then says how much he'd like to have one,and the dds are very keen.The thing is I KNOW that as I work part time and he is out for longer hours,it will become my job and I just don't want the responsibility.Plus going out for the day or away for a weekend on the spur of the moment will become difficult as I think it is unfair to leave dogs on their own for hours.

The last time they all started on about a dog,I suggested ringing the hunt kennels and offering to become a puppy walker.That way they get to have a puppy for a few months and see what hard work they are,but at the same time the puppy gets socialized and goes back to its pack afterwards.However,the subject hasn't come up again since.

Stick to your guns.

I googled for you dogs that don't shed (much)

How about, Quattro: a) dogs that don't poo much b) dogs that don't need walked much c) dogs that don't need much attention d) dogs who are already trained.

Get the picture?

Rod.for.own.back.

Don't go there, OP.

Slightly, if the other arguments put forward on this thread are not working, please ask him what part of HIS disposable income he will be giving up to pay for the dog's upkeep? Has he actually sat down and done the maths? Has he factored in the insurance, vets' bills, vaccination, worming, kennel cost when you go on holiday, collars and leads, possibly coats, possibly a special diet that is more expensive than feeding a small child, cost of extra cleaning, possible change of car (we now have an estate car after having a Ford Fiesta !!, possible extra cost of professional dog walker to act as backup if you or he are ill or unavailable, poo bags, professional grooming for many breeds, dog beds and toys and not forgetting if you do get a pup, the cost of replacing all the chewed shoes/toys/furniture. Even with an adult dog it is impossible to maintain the housekeeping standards of pre-dog days.

Will he be giving up his boy's beer night, or his other hobbies for this? Because if he isn't the money will be coming out of the FAMILY pot, and this is not fair on you or DC. The cost of a dog could easily add up to the equivalent of a nice family weekend away each year, or an awful lot of family treats each month. If you're well enough off for this not to be a problem, then great, but if you are on a more average income this really is something to look at very seriously.

Please remind him that even with pet insurance, vets bills will need to have an excess paid, and generally insurance won't cover things like worming and vaccinations and routine dentals, which believe me are NOT cheap. Covering the cost of the dog going into kennels is equivalent to the cost of another person going on your holiday with you, quite often, and all the best kennels get booked up months in advance, especially at times like August and Christmas.

Ask him to think ahead to when the dog is old. Will he be the one to take the dog for physiotherapy or hydrotherapy sessions? Or to ensure a special dog bed, ramp for the car? To make sure dog has its daily medication and to ensure pain levels are carefully monitored? To spend time fussing over a special diet when it is ill or can no longer tolerate certain foods? To be aware that bladder control can be weaker in older dogs so you can't leave them for so long, and quite often they'll wake you in the middle of the night? And by that time your DC will prob have left home and be having a ball at Uni, and you will be thinking "Why am I having broken nights when my kids have left home?" Will he be the one doing this? HONESTLY? Because if he is not even willing to walk a dog from the local dogs home occasionally at the moment to demonstrate his commitment, then I think I can guess teh answer. I may sound harsh but a dog is a long term commitment, and it is not fair on you or the dog to do this without 100% commitment.

I grew up with dogs, and I love dogs, but there's no way we'll be getting a dog! YANBU

Don't do it.

I love my dog, my dog is like my first (ever so hairy) child, but at 14 he is still VERY active and we have a 2 year old ds who has less energy.

I have had my dog since I was 13 and we have had various issues with him, despite him being so very well trained. He's so so good with other people, but is quite aggressive with some other dogs (despite good socialisation), we have had feeding issues, allergy issues, kennelling issues when we go away, we rent our house and had a HELL of a time finding a landlord who would even contemplate us plus dog.....

I love him, but by god he is hard work. When ds was born we had major issues which we had to work through, but I did it beause I love my dog so much. He is a family member.
As any dog should be. They must be inculded as part of your family, and if you can't see yourself doing this then don't do it!
You will resent the dog, your dh, anything the dog does 'wrong' will look more wrong to you than anyone else.

My ds and dog are best of friends now - finally finding an equal footing, which is so good to see. And the benefits of ds having a dog are truly awesome - e loves animals and has such a respect for them too, which is something I think is very important. But I really needed to put the time in! I am constantly vigilant when they are together and it's not very relaxing!!

YANBU. I love (well behaved, well controoled in public) dogs but we will not be getting one anytime soon. We are surrounded by irresponsible neighbours who keep yappy dogs closed up in the back gardens day and night and who periodically let them out to crap on MY drive I have a number of friends with small children who fall for the 'cute puppy' face, get the dog then spend months moaning about having to train it, moaning about the barking/chewing/needing exercise etc before condemning it to a life in the back garden OR at the local dogs shelter cos they can't cope with it AND teh kids AND the mess AND the cost.

How about a Siamese cat. More dog like in their behaviour.

amazing! thank you :) Some really good suggestions for giving DH a better perspective on the reality of getting a dog. Especially impounding DH

I think actually, this is just another example of DH doing that thing men do where they are trying to re-live their childhood by recreating similar scenario and installing same props IYKWIM.... DH's Mum was very happy being a SAHM, didn't ever have a job to give up and pretty much devoted herself to taking care of her twunt selfish husband and 2 x DS's. They had two dogs and she pretty much took care of them too - because the Dad usually walked them though, he got all the glory and was considered the 'dog owner'....

I, however, am nearly pulling my hair out and can't wait to get back to some form of work, and wouldn't care if I never saw and iron again, so the dog just represents work to me that I don't want.

I don't think the money argument will work as DH will say that he is 'happy to pay' so I am going to emphasize how unfair it will be on a dog to be stuck with me all day resenting it being there and how restricting it will be for us as a family.

Thanks again for the reality check!

Sounds like he inherited some of that selfish twunt gene.

yes expat he did. Although in the grand scheme of things, a forgiveable amount in most respects.

If you're desperate to get back to work, that's as good a reason as any not to have a dog. I don't think it's fair on dogs to be left alone at home for hours on end.

I didn't want a dog once...

Now we have four, soon to be fiv ehopefully and I am into everything doggy, my whole life revolves around them and I suspect that at times my DH wishes he'd never wanted a dog in the first place...

If you are the one at home all day though, you'd be responsible for the dog (that was the case in our household, hence I got so 'into' them) so you would have to do the majority of the training, walking, socialising, taking care of etc.

Some of yoru concerns are a little unreasonable, for example, no need to find half chewed food items all over, dry kibble is in no way a 'yucky' food for dogs. I agree with your DH that dogs are a wonderfula ddition to a family.

However, having a dog is a privaledge, not a right. Sadly, your DH's circumstances don't mean he is able to have a dog and as you are not happy about having one, it really isn't a good idea at all. You might find you like it, but you might not, and then where would the dog be?