to not want to get a dog

[SlightlyJaded]

SO DH grew up with dogs and I didn't (we had a cat). I understand that he is a 'dog person' and I am not, but surely that doesn't make one of us 'wrong'.

DH has wanted to get a dog for years. To be honest, I have always avoided committing one way or the other but recently he has geared up the 'get a dog' campaign and now (unsurprisingly) has DC's (3&5) on board - to be honest, they could be roped into a 'let's get a half dead frog' campaign for the price of a packet of crisp - but anyway, I now have all of them banging on about getting a dog.

DH's perspective:
Dogs are loving and a calming influence in the home
Dogs teach DC's about the importance of caring for animals and making a commitment to look after something
Will force us to walk and exercise more
Will offer protection (even if it is only barking at the postman)
Dog will make the family feel complete
He will walk it (yeah right)

My perspective
I don't particularly like dogs - some of them scare me
They smell horrible
I don't want to have to deal with dog food / dog shit / walking dogs in rain
Dog will moult everywhere and I will end up doing some even more housework
Rows about where dog is allowed to sleep etc
I hate dogs begging for food and the thought of coming across half chewed bits of food in the house makes me want to vomit
Cost
Finding care for dog when we go away etc

See! My list is longer, so AIBU to not want a dog?

yanbu, you'll be the one at home with it all day!

When i fell pregnant with DD2 DH said it was the 'perfect' time to get a dog as i would be at home all day! He also claimed he would walk it before and after work. Obviously i told him where to go and now i sometimes like to remind him of it as proof that his ideas are usually, well, really quite stupid .

I say either wait til your kids are a good bit older or if you just don't want one full stop then get a cat. Or a hamster.

Goddamn, if only I had been an MNer 2.5 years ago, you lot would have talked sense into me

SJ - keep those heels FIRMLY dug in.

Oooh hard one!! You really don't want one but don't underestimate how much you DH will be feeling he's missing out. If you love dogs and are used to them being around it's very hard to not have them.

I am the dog person in our house and I have to say if I felt we were in a position to have a dog I would get one even though DH doesn't really want one (but we're not) BUT that is purely because I know it would be me that does everything and it would be my family that would help me out with hols etc and would be happy to. I've always told DH that would be the case too, he's just lucky I wouldn't work for us at the moment. PLUS is still have my dogs at my parents house so I get my 'fix' there :o

Guess it really does depend how much realistically it would come down to you and only you and your DH will know that. :)

FirstTimer DH does say he is 'missing out'.

He came back from taking DCs to park on Saturday morning quite miserable because 'everyone else had a dog'. This is the only thing that is swaying me ever so slightly - the fact that he wants one so very much. But that's one of the reasons I posted today, I could feel myself cracking and I know that deep down, I absolutely don't want a dog.

Absolutely don't do it. My friend and ai both weakened to family demands a year ago shortly after we saw our DD's friend walk out of church behind her Dad's coffin. We both went into life is too short mode.

The difference is I did want one, she didn't, it was her DH who did. So now shd is stuck walking it, clearing up the huge amounts of poo it produces a day, dealing with the mud, the feeding and the grooming as he isn't around to do it as is working more hours.

She would rehome it but her younger DD is really attached and would be devestated. Things are going more smoothly in our household as DH and I were both on board with it.

Don't be swayed. I was, DH said it would be really good for our younger daughter who was having a difficult time. Five years later, off DD goes to Uni and guess who is left with said dog.

Thats not to say she is not a nice dog - she is. She is very good with children and is very pleasant but in my heart I really don't want her and knew I would be left with her.

I've just got back from the beach with her where I have had to pick up to horrid, runny poos and she has now bounded round the house putting sand everywhere.

This will be you.

DO NOT GIVE IN.
Your DH is doing/saying exactly what mine did, so I felt bad for what he would miss out on. DON'T GET EMOTIONAL.

The fact that he has said he wants the dog so that the silly thing can just run up to him as he comes home etc... Oh give me strength.

Honestly, he is totally failing to see your POV.

I gave in, 2.5 years later, guess who does the daily walk. Not to mention all the other crap. She walked in the kitchen yesterday, spewed all over the floor, another lovely clearing up job.

He wants all the fun and none of the work, though. That's not on and it's not fair.

Scuttle pointed out it's entirely possible for him to walk dogs in his time off to his heart content volunteering for a shelter.

And tbh, from your 13:30:05 he sounds a bit selfish and immature.

Dig your heels in.

He will not be doing the work with it. You will.

On days when he wants to 'de-stress' with footie or beers who gets lumped with the dog?

Hmm, I think I know already.

He can volunteer and that way he can enjoy taking a dog to the park and not have all the work that goes with it.

I understand exactly where you are coming from.

We got 2 dogs (black labs) on the understanding we both walked them etc, this was before we had kids.

DS1 and 2 came along. I had 2 kids and 2 dogs to look after.
DS3 came along - 3 babies, 2 dogs...
DD1 was iminent and I put my foot down and said the dogs have to go - I can't do 4 kids and 2 dogs.

Not just looking after them and the kids, but the amount of extra work they produced in the home - cleaning, washing etc. They stank and were just bored. I couldn't give them the time they needed. Money wise, they slipped behind with their boosters etc and got fleas and it wasn't fair.

We had them rehomed recently and they have gone to a home in the country with 5 acres and a stream to play in. They are spoilt rotten and are the 'babies' again. We get regular emails and photos. :)

That's my personal experience.

Okay looking at your lists and reasons I'd say no.

His list for example:

Dogs are claming influence. HAHAHAHA. Mine spent a very enjoyable 2 hours chasing dd2 around the park yesterday. Complete with howling (dd2) and barking (dd2) and whining (the dog). This would have happened at home if I didn't take them to the park. We were then a bit late with his evening walk, so he spent 30 mins chasing the cat and throwing his tennis ball about the dining room rather noisily. So, not very calming.

Will offer protection -not neccessarily, but they will be something else to steal. Particularly if you get a pedigree. Dog theft is on rise. Plus my mum and dad have broken into twice, each time they had a dog, the first was a lab, the second a doberman x.

It's hard bloody work. There is training, vet fees and insurance to think about. I think both parties need to really want a dog for it to work.

don't get a dog if you don't want one. Definitely not fair on the dog.

though i think this illustrates why dog people shouldn't marry cat people - if my DH hadn't loved the dog and warmed to her, i wouldn't have accepted a dogless life just to please him...

Funnily enough I just sponsored a dog with the Dogs Trust at lunch time! I sometimes long for a dog but I have decided this is the nearest we are going to get to having one

And this one doesn't need me to pick up it's poo!

I love dogs. Please don't get one.

Dogs come with positives and negatives, and no dog owner enjoys getting up early to stand in the rain whilst their dog sniffs at a bush. We do that because when they wag their tails at us and grin it makes the cold mornings worthwhile. The fact that even dog food seems to repulse you ?!? suggests that you should not be anywhere near a dog.

If you get a dog it will not be loved it will be resented. You will probably be the one who does the most- as you're at home- and it will cause more arguments between you and your DH.

It would be likely to need rehoming within a couple of years or at worst be put down as unwanted.

Dogs deserve to be with families who want them.

Bertie that cracked me up.

SJ I do really really understand where you're coming from but I have also seen the other side of things.

My mum NEVER wanted dogs but finally gave in and she LOVES ours. She couldn't care less about anyone elses and really isn't a dog person but we ended up with 3 (sadly only 2 left now). Since I moved out she's let them get naughty (the Beagle is seriously naughty) and she just thinks it's funny and cute where it seriously angers me. The point I'm trying to get across it the complete turn around to. My gran was exactly the same too, never wanted dogs (has a granny flat next door), did a complete turn around and her blood pressure actually massively improved once we had the dogs because of the calming effect the collies had (we don't count the Beagle she really is cute but not a breed I wld recommend.

As for walking without a dog, I don't see the point and could never be bothered on my own. With a dog it's a very different story and very enjoyable........even in the rain.

It just can't be that bad as so many people do it, even when some of the family aren't naturally doggy people.

This isn't me telling you I think you should give in (although it does sound like that I'm sure). I'm just trying to say it's not as straight forward as some might think.

It's really only something you and your DH know. If you did 'give in' getting the right breed of dog is sooooo important. How you bring them up is what makes your dog too, I.e. I'm not a fan of hard and fast routines for dogs. Mine go out when it suits me, they know they'll go out they just do t know when or where so they don't look and ask for it. You mould them to fit in your life IMO and mine are definitely happy healthy dogs

Probably no help at all to you though, sorry!!! :o

As for the kids best friend comment, call me sad but the dog I lost was my best friend just in a different way and I miss her massively (she died 2years ago and I'm 27 and can still cry)

the problem is, dogs aren't an experiment.

for every 'she didn't like dogs but she got one and changed!' story there's another or more who resents it, dumps it on the side of the road, sticks it in a shelter, etc.

don't get one!

you don't want it.

Just wanted to add YANBU. We have a dog and she is a lot of work and a lot of commitment. My DH and I were talking about the dog this weekend and I said I liked having her but she is a lot of work. DH said "oh she's not that much work really". He has NO IDEA of how much work the silly thing is- walking, poo picking, gets poorly now and again, is needy and wants love and affection (can be hard when you're 'spent' after a day with the DCs). Also agree with previous posters- going out is a problem I don't like to leave her at home alone for too long.
DON'T GET ONE if you are in any doubt you will resent it.

I have dogs, I am pregnant, and it is hard bloody work, even though I love them to pieces (and yes, I am a dog person ). It will be even harder work when the baby is born. In January. By which stage my hands are normally dropping off from walking them in the freezing cold. And it is very difficult to maintain a clean cashmere glove when you are picking up poo!

So basically, don't get the dog unless you really want it, because you will probably end up resenting it and all the work it causes for you, and in turn resenting your DH, then chances are the poor dog will end up in rescue, where there are already too many dogs who have come out of a similar situation.

Honestly, I love them so much, but it is HARD!

I'll bottle the horrendous stench that is my dog today after her walk in woods. One waft of that and your DH will never mention getting a dog again.

I'm in two minds about one myself (about to buy house so it's finally an option). I kind of want one, because I've never really grown up around them so I'd like to get over my ever so slight unease at them, and I'd like us to take it for walks and stuff (I was always more of a Garfield fan than Odie).

Being honest - the big thing putting me off - picking up still-warm poo. Cold poo I can deal with, puke I can deal with, wee I can deal with - but still-warm poo is not a barrier I'm sure I can overcome.

If you are not 100% sure you want a dog, then don't get one. I really, really wanted one having never had one (OH had always had dogs). We got one - a rescue - who, although we love him dearly - has proved to have all sorts of issues and be a huge amount of work. Even now, 6 years on, we run our lives around him to some extent. Dogs are a huge commitment even if they're "normal", but you never quite know what you'll get...

So stand firm - and I say this as a life-long dog person!

emptyshell - you get used to the poo, honestly

I'm being serious! I am definitely a cat person, I love cats and I couldn't imagine not having one or two around the place. It's a horrible thought to me to imagine life without cats. So I understand where dog lovers are coming from, and if I was with someone who loved dogs I wouldn't want to deprive them of that. But I don't really like dogs and wouldn't want to share my house with one. I guess it's not quite as much of a dealbreaker as both partners having a different attitude to wanting children but it's still a subject I'd definitely bring up early on in a relationship.

Maybe your DH could find someone locally who has a dog which needs walking? (we use to do this with an elderly neighbour's dog)

We got a dog just before DD (now 3) was born. We were both really on board (esp me) and it's worked out really well and we totally love him - but it's been much harder work than I'd imagined, even though I grew up with the same kind of dog (labrador). It is a lot of work! Walking the dog 'for exercise' is a great idea on a sunny afternoon when you've nothing else to do, but when it's pouring with rain, you've a million things to do and you've got to take the double pushchair out with you? Not such fun.

For us it really works because DH works from home and has flexible hours, so he can walk the dog at least twice during weekdays. Also, we have a great dog walker who takes him twice a week and can take him at v short notice when things get complicated. So the burden on me is not that great. If you are a SAHM and your partner works away from the house he will not do all the walking - this is not feasible! Plus the more a dog is walked (esp a large one) the better behaved it is, so cutting walks short doesn't make things easier.

A good friend of mine, also a dog person, got a labrador which they loved and was a good pet, but had to get it rehomed after a year as it was just too much for her with two children and a husband who worked very long hours away from home - this caused a lot of sorrow to all, especially the dog.