Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to not want to get a dog

95 replies

SlightlyJaded · 28/09/2010 12:37

SO DH grew up with dogs and I didn't (we had a cat). I understand that he is a 'dog person' and I am not, but surely that doesn't make one of us 'wrong'.

DH has wanted to get a dog for years. To be honest, I have always avoided committing one way or the other but recently he has geared up the 'get a dog' campaign and now (unsurprisingly) has DC's (3&5) on board - to be honest, they could be roped into a 'let's get a half dead frog' campaign for the price of a packet of crisp - but anyway, I now have all of them banging on about getting a dog.

DH's perspective:
Dogs are loving and a calming influence in the home
Dogs teach DC's about the importance of caring for animals and making a commitment to look after something
Will force us to walk and exercise more
Will offer protection (even if it is only barking at the postman)
Dog will make the family feel complete
He will walk it (yeah right)

My perspective
I don't particularly like dogs - some of them scare me
They smell horrible
I don't want to have to deal with dog food / dog shit / walking dogs in rain
Dog will moult everywhere and I will end up doing some even more housework
Rows about where dog is allowed to sleep etc
I hate dogs begging for food and the thought of coming across half chewed bits of food in the house makes me want to vomit
Cost
Finding care for dog when we go away etc

See! My list is longer, so AIBU to not want a dog?

OP posts:

ManicMother7777 · 28/09/2010 16:17

YANBU. If you get a dog you'll have to change your name to TotallyJaded

FirstTimerMay · 28/09/2010 16:20

Fair enough BertieBotts :) I took on DH's cat and even felt quite sorry for him being on his own and got another one - so wish I hadn't now!!!! I find cats so much more annoying:
Cat hair seems to get everywhere and never come off - dog hair doesn't seem as bad.

Dogs do as they're told - cats do what they like and in my case what I don't like lol.

A meow is much more annoying than a bark.

Can't take cats to someone else house to be looked after (not easily anyway).

I get more vets bills from cats and stupid fights than with dogs.

I could go on and on......... :o

I guess I did have that convo with DH but like I said, I've always said I'll have one if I want one despite him not really wanting one, BUT feel I can say that as it is me that puts 'hard work' in.

It really is each to their own. It just shouldn't be a decision taken lightly - either to ask someone who doesn't really want one, to have one, OR to stop someone having one that does really want one. Each situation is different.

Squitten · 28/09/2010 16:27

I think my DH will be wanting a dog when our children are older. We currently have 2 cats but he thinks that dogs are better "family pets" for the kids.

My argument is as follows: we got these 2 cats as kittens and I spent time and energy getting them toliet trained outside so I don't have to clean up their poop anymore. I'm having these babies and will be spending even more time and energy getting them toilet trained so I no longer have to clean up their poop. I'll be damned if I'm going to take on a dog where I have to spend the rest of its life (and as the SAHM, it will inevitably be me!) cleaning up poop!!

If you don't want the dog, stick to your guns!

Original poster

SlightlyJaded · 28/09/2010 16:28

@ Manic

And am now even more sure that it isn't right for us to get a dog. This however is bound to cause a horrible argument as DH has his heart set on a dog. The thing is that I have suggested the dog walking/sponsoring route, but for DH it's all about having a dog in your family... Oh god, dreading the confrontation now. DH is occasionally broadly reasonable, but for some reason won't accept that it is not reasonable to have a dog when I don't want one.

OP posts:

flibbertigibbert · 28/09/2010 16:28

OP, YADNBU.

My DP grew up with dogs and comes out with 'all children need to grow up with a dog' - erm, I had a perfectly nice childhood without having a dog actually. He makes out that I'm evil because I don't really like them.

I don't get what's so great about something that begs for food, makes you scoop up its poo and stinks. I hate walking into someone's house and smelling wet dog - bleurgh. Stand your ground. You can't have a dog unless you're fully committed to the idea.

Miasma · 28/09/2010 16:28

Oh God don't do it.

I was harassed into getting a dog when my dd was 2. Dh and I both grew up with dogs so though we knew what we were getting ourselves in to. We got a black lab puppy and he was lovely but such incredibly hard work. He was well behaved and gentle but needed constant attention. imagine having a child attached to you all day and night saying mum mum mum mum mum muumuu loooook! mum what are you doing mum where are you mum? look what I've got watch me do this mumm mum muuuuuum!!! He was cool and despite being a 'good dog' and getting plenty of exercise etc he just never stopped, my garden was trashed, my house was filthy and stank and I had started to resent the dog being there all the time. Anyway I was in hospital for a while so the dog stayed with some family friends and then I had ds who was very early and poorly then I had PTSD and just could not cope so he dog stayed with the friends which was better for all of us.

People ask me now if I miss him and the honest answer is no, not one bit.

If you dont want a dog, don't get one.

Dogs deserve 100%

AbsofCroissant · 28/09/2010 16:39

Wow. I think this is the first dog-related thread I've ever seen on MN where everyone agrees (mostly)

cumfy · 28/09/2010 16:59

I'm sure the local "dog sanctuary" welcomes volunteers!

expatinscotland · 28/09/2010 17:14

Show him this thread. Show him this thread. Show him this thread.

He doesn't think of dogs as part of the family, he thinks of them as he gets all the fun and none of the work that goes with it becaue the reality is that he works outside the home and still wants to 'de-stress' after work for beers and footie.

Stick to your guns.

NellyTheElephant · 28/09/2010 17:31

Oh dear..... this thread is really worrying me. We are getting a puppy next week. If I'm honest I DO NOT want it, but DH does and claims he will look after it etc etc. I'm worried I'm making a terrible mistake. Have 3 children (5, 3 and 1) and I just want a bit of a break from babies rather than introducing another (furry) one into the equation just when I'm getting back on my feet re the children.... Oh help. I do love dogs, it's just now isn't really the right time for me. DH thinks it's a good time as we're moving into new house in 6 months and current place is utterly trashed and needs total redecorating etc so all new carpets etc when we move out, and better to be house training the dog and having bouncy chewing puppy now rather than in our newly decorated house in 6 months.... he has a point.... A bit late now to change my mind as I agreed and helped choose the puppy when it was born.

Miasma · 28/09/2010 17:36

Ime puppies are about 400x harder work than babies

I'd rather have triplets than another Labrador puppy.

expatinscotland · 28/09/2010 17:37

Why on Earth do people agree to this?

FirstTimerMay · 28/09/2010 17:42

Nelly what breed of dog are you getting???

pluperfect · 28/09/2010 17:46

paisleyleaf got there before me on the someone-to-spend-time-with argument. I scarcely see my DH some weeks and would be bloody annoyed to lose more of him to someone I resented.

However, there is agreement here between dog lovers and dog haters, so no point arguing further. Some of these ideas about dog walking are really moving, and are morally better than your DH's dog arguments!

clam · 28/09/2010 17:48

"He came back from taking DCs to park on Saturday morning quite miserable because 'everyone else had a dog'."

How old is your DH? 6?

pluperfect · 28/09/2010 18:27

clam, that gave me a good laugh. How true it is!

round2 · 28/09/2010 18:43

I did not want a dog for selfish reasons, even though i grew up with them. Dp wanted a dog and never had one growing up. I eventually came round to the idea if dp took full responsibility for the dog.Nine months down the line, dp has walked the dog morning & night and cleans after him. The dog is part of the family and i could not imagine him not being here. Yes i have to hoover more, but i have been very lucky the dog has kept the little chewing he has done to the back garden.

Quattrocento · 28/09/2010 18:47

Get a dog that doesn't moult

Seriously though, dogs are far more rewarding than children, and you've had two of those so a dog would be a cinch in comparison

Dogs are always so appreciative you see. They don't turn up their noses at the meal you've spent hours cooking for them, they never groan when you tell them it's time for a long country walk, they like being stroked... the list goes on

In fact I think you should trade your children in for a dog.

FirstTimerMay · 28/09/2010 18:57

Phew, I thought I was all on my own lol :o

Original poster

SlightlyJaded · 28/09/2010 19:04

clam I kid you not. He was all petulant because he felt 'cheated'. It's extraordinary really, in most areas of life, he can eventually be persuaded by a reasonable and rational argument but he is being childish over the dog thing, although I honestly think it's because he wants one so much and is trying to guilt 'persuade' me.

Hence the post, I really am not sure if I ABU if he wants it sooooo much

OP posts:

Laska · 28/09/2010 19:19

YADNBU!!

As much as my heart goes out to your OH because I adore dogs, this simply will not work, and well done you for recognising that.

One day, if your DH is working from home or if he is retired, and thus can do the bulk of the care, then would be the right time to get a dog. But with the best will in the world, most dogs will need lots of care and interaction, and as you're a SAHM, that's inevitably going to be your job.

Ask him how he'd feel if you got a dog, and it didn't work out and the poor dog ended up in rescue - or worse, put to sleep because there are too few homes out there. And having to explain that to the kids.

At the moment, I'm afraid he's thinking of HIS needs first, and yours and the dog's needs as a very poor second.

fuschiagroan · 28/09/2010 19:21

YANBU dogs are lovely but I don't know how anyone lives with one. Puppies are gorgeous but absolutely batshit mental for the first 2 years, and you WILL be doing most of the looking after it as you are a SAHM, even if your DH does walk it (which he probably won't, because you are at home all day to do it). It was very unfair of him to tell the children you might be getting a dog when you had already said no. I would be furious.

fuschiagroan · 28/09/2010 19:23

'He has his heart set on a dog.' Oh grow the fuck up. (him not you!)

Vallhala · 28/09/2010 19:25

EXACTLY what Laska said.

I'm a dog owner too and would have 100 if I could but clearly a dog is not for you. I fear that if you were railroaded into owning one he would soon end up in the pound where he may well be put to sleep.

silentcatastrophe · 28/09/2010 19:31

I adore our dogs, but have been told again and again, DO NOT GET A DOG IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO THE TIME. Don't do it. Don't add to the burden of rescue animals. No no no. It's not heartless, it's sensible to be dog-free if you are not 100% committed.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread