in laws and 'proprietary' behaviour - talk to me

[LetThemEatCake]

I wonder just how unreasonable I am to dislike what I perceive to be proprietary/ possessive behaviour from my in-laws towards my dc

so tell me your tales of in-law woe and I will be better able to gauge not just how bad/ not bad they are but also how out of order I am for getting annoyed!!

OMG... Some of these MILs are pretty shocking! Mine is more insidiously annoying.. Too many little things that, added up, make me want to explode, but on their own (if I complain to anyone about them) make me sound like an ungrateful nutjob!

At the moment it's saying that my 18-month-old DD "hates" anything I buy for her and "loves" anything she does... She ALWAYS contradicts my decisions, which, after a year-and-a-half makes me react in the most ridiculously childish and stubborn way! :( This is just the tip of the iceberg. To make matters worse, she only lives 2 minutes away and wants to spend lots of time with DD...

My ex-MIL was always buying DS 'jars' of baby food insisting a certain one was his favourite and stocking up. She never looked after him (always too busy) and never fed him so how she knew I don't even care to wonder !!!

Once she had him for 2 hours when he was 16months and he wouldn't eat his 'jar' of favourite baby food. I told her (again) he prefers proper food and would eat solids now he was a toddler

Her DS (my ex-p) doesn't pay any maintenece and she asked if me and DS were going to her PFB (my ex-p) wedding. I said no, and we couldn't afford it (flights, accomodation etc) - her answer. 'I, understand, its hard being a single parent isn't it?'

Thumbwitch - going "tatas" is going for a walk. I remember it from being a child, a northern dialect word.

I love my MiL. She is great. Not intrusive but willing to help when I need her to, never undermines me or DH, loves DS a normal grandparentish amount. She's a doll.

My mother, on the other hand...

How about proprietary great-aunts? Whenever we take DS to see (lovely and never inappropriate) MIL's older sister, she insists on referring to herself not as DS's Auntie Weirdo, but as his Grandma Weirdo. This makes my hand itch, as MIL had to wait a lot of years to be a Grandma, whereas Aunt Weirdo has loads of grandkids and even a couple of great grandkids and can't just let her younger sister enjoy the grandma limelight. So we don't go very often.

When I was 7 months pregnant with ds my MIL sat next to me on the sofa, moved my boob out of the way and laid her head on my bump so she could 'get to know her baby'. She then told bump how she would love him more than anyone else.

She told me how maternal she was by regaling a story of how when she held her first grandson she started lactating and wouldn't it be funny if it happened with ds - she could help, hee bloody hee.

When I was bfing dd she lifted my top up and stroked my boob and 'helped' me feed.

She told me that she had a closer bond with my dcs than I do (she's met them no more than 10 times). Whe I showed some photos to ds (4) he pointed to her and said, "who's that old lady mummy?" I love that boy

Puddlepus OMG!!!

Don't get me started.

MIL drives me mad and makes me feel possessive of the dd's which I never am.

I am grateful to them for baby-sitting on occasion, but when I am around, she acts as if I am not iyswim. It is only things like taking dd2 to the loo, but it makes me mad! I know she is trying to be helpful but she over-steps the mark imo.

We were at a pub the other day that had a play area, and she was constantly fussing and checking on dd2. I was like ffs just give her some space; she is 3.6.

She also says to her friends in front of me, oh dd2 never eats the first meal she has in a new place. Erm, yes she does!!!

And the constant, "oh she looks just like me as a child" RARRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHH!!!!

Come ooooonnn LTEC.... spill.

You do realise that these stories will be told about us in a few years time ...

puddlepuss

Lol at your DS's comment :)

My MIL (I'll call her my ex-MIL because I have officially cut her off) - brought to my attention a cosmetic problem my DS has & told me I needed to take him to the doc for surgery. She then proceeded to say to HIM "Don't worry, we'll make you beautiful" . Thankfully he is too young to understand what the miserable witch was saying.

MIL would come around after DS was born & sneakily take photos of him while I was out of the room - to send to her own ex-MIL (divorced twice as she is) to curry favour with her to stay in her will. Don't ask - weird family.

DH thinks my MIL may have thought the cosmetic problem would make our baby photos less profitable IYSWIM - which is why she was so keen to correct it. Freaking weird family. Hey presto, no more MIL.

My MIL offered to hold my 2 day old DD to let me get on with the housework.

She said the exact same when DS was 3 days old!

Difference was, with DS I let her hold him just so I could leave the room and scream into a pillow, otherwise I may have said a lot of naughty words in a short space of time!

Not a MIL one, but my mother pulled the cord stump of my two day old daughters tummy, saying 'it fell off' did it bollocks!!

My niece has had a bad case of cradle cap, my lovely SIL was treating it and it was slowly going, last week my mother decided to pick it all off, poor little mite! Apparently she didn't cry, not sure about that though!

She also pulled a face when we told her our daughters name, saying she preferred her middle name!!

Exactly what cupcakes said!

Puddlepuss Nuking Futs!!

MTW, eeeeeeeew!!!!

Shit, these are really MAD BAD and DANGEROUS MIL's.

My MIL is pretty super actually, mostly, though is REALLY CRAP about bedtimes. Did it just the other day, the DC stayed up way too late, about 2 hours later than their normal bedtime. "Oh I didn't think you'd mind" she said for the umpteenth time, when I have been drilling it into her that during term time, weekend or not, bedtime is bedtime. Grrrr.

Pisses me off mildly, but in the grand scheme? It's small fry compared to you lot!!!!!

Am at some of these.

Keep them coming!

Yes, my MIL is a bit batty and infuriating at times but no real harm in her. Some of these MILs sound really hostile and toxic.

Euughhh Puddlepuss. Hoping she can join in BFing. Gross!

I am pretty thankful for my MIL after reading these. She doesn't show much interest but when she does finally see us, she says "oh we don't get to see much of DS" Well offer more then!!! (Its a case of having to be invited around a handful of times a year etc, not popping over, me and DH did that once to show our wedding photos and she made it clear it was a pain).

The thing that really grates is when I was pregnant with DS, she would immediately run over and jiggle my belly quite forcefully or say "oh is he kicking" and when I said "no" and put a hand in the way, she would come and have a feel anyway. She is being the same this time too. Leave my body alone!!

Not as bad as moving a boob out of the way though!

"Maybe she followed you when you went to bf because she thought you might want a bit of company?"

erk! Tough I say. If a mum says she wants to breastfeed in privacy a guest should back right off!

Am enjoying this thread in preparation for my own birth etc

Duelling, yes you are right if she had asked to be left alone and MIL ignored her.

Personally, never understood the need to take yourself off alone to breastfeed. It is so boring! I always wanted to sit with friends/ family and have a chat. So I have tended to go along with friends for a chat if they took themselves into another room to breastfeed. No-one told me to back off but would not have been offended if they did!

In the first days, when I have my baby, I really won't feel comfortable breastfeeding infront of anyone but my DH! I don't really care if other people feel comfortable with it - I'll be breastfeeding elsewhere while feeling resentful that I have been banished to the bedroom

OK, Dueling, as long as you tell everyone that is how you feel then I am sure everyone will respect that - no need to be combative about it! Save the confrontations for when/if they ignore your wishes. Don't alienate family unnecessarily, you never know, you may be grateful for their help.

Though you may feel very differently about lots of things after the birth. I know I did - getting my baps out in front of close family and friends held no terrors after flashing my bits at all and sundry at the birth!