For thinking that the little shits who bullied a little boy so much he hung himself should not be getting fecking counselling ??

[OldCrusty]

I've namechanged because i'm a wimp...

On sunday night a 10yr old boy hung himself, he hung himself because he'd been bullied.

He'd tried to kill himself on numerous occasions, because he was being bullied.

Because of this, his poor mother was on constant 'suicide watch' and got her neighbour to put a ladder to the window when he locked his bedroom door.

He was found hanging from his bed.

So tell me AIBU in thinking that the nasty little bastards who caused that poor boy so much pain and upset should be told YOU my child are a nasty little shit, because of you and others like you a boy suffering became so much he decided he didnt want to live anymore ??

Not given a pat on the back and 'helped' to feel 'better' ??

That is so sad.

As for counselling and therapy, IMHO its only ever effective if the person receiving it wants it and wants to change.

Bullying should be punished, no excuses.

need your son was not lucky, he was fortunate to have a parent who gave a shit, and you should be as proud of yourself as you are with him to 1) acknowledge something hard such as having a child who is capable of being a bull (ALL children are capable) and 2) having the awareness to address it in a way that meant the bullying stopped. If he can continued to bully, it is that which could have resulted in something more drastic happening.

need i still maintain that all those things were not luck, your skills - not luck, humility - not luck, your ds responding - not luck.

I agree with you btw in your views on how to manage bullies

I'd be horrified if DD (5) turned into a bully. I doubt it will happen as she is a very caring and kind person but it is something I will always keep an eye out for as I was bullied and it has affected my whole life.

I personally think that the way schools are set up is the main problem. Nasty children have so many opportunities to bully weaker children and one to the main things that children are taught in schools is to be part of the herd, which doesn't help the vulnerable speak out or seek help. I think in general that the bigger the school the worse the problem with bullying.

I don't know how one would set a school up that would automatically prevent bullying - DD experienced low-level bullying in her very small school when she was in reception. However, she told me immediately what happened and the teacher took it very seriously and dealt with it. DD also knows that if she is unhappy at school I will pull her out and home ed her.

I don't know, personally I think some people are born bastards and will be bastards to others from the moment they can exert power over someone weaker than them. They can have the perfect upbringing but still be horrible people. I think humans are unique in this way - there isn't another mammal that is born bad ime.

Maybe they did, but again why in the name of arse should I feel even a tiny bit sorry for them?

I'm not going to start up a contest of "well MY life is crapper than their life" but it feels like the whole "they might have a shit home life" is a bit of a cop out, a get out of jail free card.

I refuse to believe that every single person in my class who picked on me- lets say 30- were victims of acrap home life. Utter bollocks imo.

As the parent of a child who wanted to kill himself because he was being bullied my heart breaks for this families loss
Unless you have been there you have no idea how it feels to watch your beautiful, smart, funny child become withdrawn, cry them-self to sleep, come home covered in bruises, with clothes and school things damaged or stolen.

In the end I had the piece of shit child arrested along with his father and his fathers half brother, thankfully my son went to a very good high school and the shit went to the local sink school where he had seven shades of shit beat out of him by some older boys Broken nose, black eye, busted jaw.... and yes I smiled, in fact I laughed myself silly for a week,

So I agree with the OP and God forbid if my child had killed himself I would be doing time for murder right now,

'The satisfying thing, a lot of the time, is that karma wreaks revenge on these twats eventually anyway'
Really...my experience is the opposite , they go through life as cocky selfish twats who force their own way al through life.

TBH i blame the parents a bit too.What responsible parent would continue to send a bullied child who is suicidal to school for more of the same ???

Seems to me most people think that only poor people have shit homelives?!!

What about the middle class kids getting sexually abused or beaten, or sadistically ridiculed?

And if these children don't have counselling what happens to them?

Brass.....harsh but true.

Having a shit home life is no excuse, in fact its bollocks. My mum and her two sisters were abused physically and sexually from the ages of 4 to 16, and they didn't become bullies. They didn't become abusers.

As some one who was bullied so much as a child, and survived a suicide attempt at 8 I can say I have no fucking sympathy for any bullies heart ache anyway.

Through out my fucking childhood I spent lots of effort trying to some how reach these bullies, through being friendly or talking, nothing worked. These bullies are just assholes that like to hurt.

Brassband I took my child out of school, I had the school the LEA the governors, the police and the local paper involved (as to start with the school did nothing) the head ended up taking early retirement (wonder why) I went to hell and back to keep my son safe.
The "parents" of the other boy refused to admit he could ever do wrong, they were not fit to raise phlegm let alone kids, the refused mediation, and basically lived up to the scum stereotype of their type.

One think I think was learned by the school was Do not pick on my child because I will rain holy hell upon you

Brassband i dont live in the uk and home educating is not an option here.
I do agree with you that the bullies seem to sail through their lives while children like my ds struggle .

It´s not about having a shit home life or being bullied yourself. It´s about not having proper boundaries and parents who are willing to accept the possibility that their kids are bullies, and then are willing to DO something about it.

Sorry, but it is not the kid´s fault if their parents take the ´my little darling would never...´ line!

One of my friends accused my son of bullying her son, and also said that other parents were complaining about him too. At first I was shocked and really upset and hurt. I was bullied at primary school myself.

So I went and asked these other parents, and they all said it was fine, that it was just kids being kids and my son is no better or worse than the others. I sat my boy down and had words with him, and now we don´t often see this friend of mine to prevent my son teasing her son to the point of tears. My son was very upset and still gets tearful about losing a friend, but I will not tolerate my son being a bully.

My son is lucky. I accept his foibles, and I try my best to bring out the best in him and to help him to control his bad side. Some parents don´t accept that their darlings HAVE a bad side. They defend their behaviour unconditionally. This is NOT the child´s fault. This is why they need councelling; to teach them right from wrong and to prevent them developing into yobs and criminals, which sending them to young offenders institutes would do.

IMHO, there are very few people who are just ´born evil´. I admit they exist, but none of us know enough about the individuals in this case to make a judgement.

YANBU, Ds was bullied a couple of years ago and used to sit on his bed with silent tears running down his cheeks, saying "I wish I was dead", and the school did FUCK ALL about it, they would spout bollocks like "they're nice boys, from nice homes, they wouldn't do anything like that". In the end, I taught Ds to fight back. One day when he was out playing, he came running in and said that (enter little shits name here) dad was chasing him, so I asked him what happened and he said that the gang and some other kids (about 8 or 9 altogether) were hitting, kicking, spitting on him, and trying to pull his pants down. He managed to get away, but they could run faster, so he picked up a branch that was lying in the grass, and was waving it towards them when they got closer, and it seemed to do the trick cause they all fucked off. However the dad was walking their dog and saw it, and started chasing Ds.
A couple of minutes later the door bell went, and that prick started to have a go at me saying that Ds was using that branch as an offensive weapon, I told him what that little shits had been doing to Ds, and he didn't deny it, but said that what Ds did was worse!!! I stood and argued with the stuck up pompous git, and pointed out that Ds had no choice but to pick up that branch to defend himself against NINE other boys- who were slightly older than him, and he excused their actions as "boys playing" and said that if he See's Ds using an 'offensive weapon' again, he will call the police!!! In the end I told him to fuck off and slammed the door in his face.
I'm still waiting for the police to come knocking!!!

"kids don't threaten to call childline because they don't get the toy they want"

That´s awful IveStillGotIt. But again, the onus is on the adults, be it the parents or the school to do something about it. The kids are being allowed to behave like animals. This isn´t totally their fault if no one is stopping them and teaching them right from wrong. I know this doesn´t help you in your situation. I don´t know what I would do. Keep on at the school. Can you write to the local rag about it?

I'vestillgotit

Honestly, the brass neck of some of these "parents" A slapper delightful young lady in my year at school used to bully every fucker, she thought she was untouchable because she had a sister two years above. Thick cunt obviously didn't think ahead to who would protect her when her sister left Anyway, she tried to push me from behind outside school for no fucking reason other than to look big, but I was with my best mate who isn't afraid of a ruck and she paled her one.

That night, her dad is knocking on my parent's door demanding to know why his Vicki had come home in tears. My friend and I were sat on my stairs trying not to laugh as he circled my mum's dining table, punctuating his ranting with banging his fist on the table, calling us vile little bullies. My mum told him that his daughter was a typical bully who didn't like her own shit handed back to her.

However, she NEVER did it again. I'm so proud of my friend for twatting her one.

Thank you salizchap, it's all over now, this happened a couple of years ago. He gets on ok with them now. They're not best of friends, but if there's a football game in the park e.t.c they let Ds join in and they all play nicely. There's still a couple of 'moments' but not as serious as what used to happen, just 'normal' kids squabbles

cupcakesandbunting- I was bullied at school as well.
I went to a primary school in a "posh" area, we lived in the neighbouring council estate, and my parents could choose what school I could go to and the local one was quite rough, so I went to the nice one, along with several others from the estate, however we got picked on for being "(enter name of estate) minks" and because I wore 'Nicks' instead of 'Nike'. It didn't bother me so much, I just ignored it.
However, secondary school was 100 times worse, it was a 'rough' school, and I was bullied for being 'posh'!!! I'm anything but!!!
The 'hard' girls there made my life hell, I was beating up in school and after school, and the school wouldn't to anything, it was the bitches words against mine, and there was more of them, so I wasn't believed.
I started skiving off cause I was too scared to go in, and the school still wouldn't do anything. When they did eventually believe me, the violins came out about these girls, and the sob stories about "they don't have dads" "their mums are on benefits" "they have 6 brothers and sisters, and live in cramped conditions" and again, nothing was done, they weren't punished. I was so desperate to leave, I tried to get pregnant, cause pregnant pupils got to go to another school! All that did was lead to me having fertility problems now in later life, as I caught chlamydia, which wasn't diagnosed until I was pregnant with Ds, 4 years later, I've been told it's a miracle he wasn't ectopic, like the last two were.
I ended up refusing to back on the morning of my 16th birthday, even though I was only half way through 4th year and hadn't sat my exams, in those days, they couldn't legally make you stay on until the end of 4th year.
I do believe in karma though, I went to college after I had Ds and got better qualifications than I would have got at school, although I'm only working in a shop, when he's abit older, I can move onto better.
As for the bitches that bullied me, well a few of them have been found in derelict buildings with needles hanging out their arms, those that are still here have shit lives i.e lots of kids to different dads, living in shit hole areas, always in the court reports of the local paper, have 'boyfriends' that knock them about, nothing to look forward to.
As for the kids that bullied me at primary school, well their pompous and up themselves all have good jobs and would probably still look down on me!!!

possibly these kids have been called little shits since the day they were born!

clearly what they have done is abhorrant, however we can't just dispose of them, flush them away. whatever happens they will at some point (if not now) be in our society. It has to be a duty of our society to at least try to treat them, address their behaviour, and ensure if at all possible that they are aware of the impact of their actions and how completely untolerable they are.

Some people will change, some won't. Surely we don't have any choice but to try?

You don't have to home ed to move schools and send your child the message that their happiness is worth fighting for.
I have withdrawn every penny of our savings to put my DD's into private school and regularly get it thrown back in my face by my family that we could be on holiday or fixing the roof if only we hadn't wasted all that money My girls are worth safe guarding and for us moving was the only alternative and tbh what they went through wasn't a patch on what some people are describing.