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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to literally want to KILL people who stare at you if your DC are crying / playing up ....

97 replies

superv1xen · 22/09/2010 15:47

.....and even worse are the ones that SAY SOMETHING.

ie. today. i was on a packed bus with screaming, teething, 16 month old DD. nb, she was fed, watered, clean bum, so i knew it was her teeth.
nothing was calming her down and i honestly think she was picking up on the fact it was stressing me out big time that she was crying, which was making her worse. i could feel all the eyes burning into me, and then this woman said to me, "awwww, is she thirsty?" I wanted to reply, NO SHE IS NOT FUCKING THIRSTY YOU NOSEY BASTARD WIND YA FUCKING NECK IN, DONT YOU THINK IF SHE WAS THIRSTY A DRINK WOULD CALM HER DOWN!!

in reality, i snapped, "no, she is TEETHING actually!" loud enough for the whole bus to hear, whilst fixing said lady with a withering superv1xen glare.

felt quite sorry for her actually but i would just NEVER comment on a screaming baby or child, and if i see one while i am out i certainly dont stare and/or judge.

OP posts:

scurryfunge · 22/09/2010 15:51

Goodness, I stare and judge all the time

highonahill · 22/09/2010 15:53

Maybe she was trying to empathise and make conversation. She's probably on Grannysnet (or whatever the nosy old lady equivalent of this site is) complaining about snappy mums.

booyhoo · 22/09/2010 15:53

yeah but how would ya do it though?

my sympathies. it is not nice!!

nickelbabe · 22/09/2010 15:53

i do judge, but i generally assume that it the parent hasn't stopped it, it'll be because it's unstoppable.
:(

Chil1234 · 22/09/2010 15:54

YABU. In nice societies, people make conversation and try to help. Suggest you stop using public transport if you're that touchy.

Bloodymary · 22/09/2010 15:57

Um, maybe she does not drive, or, DH had the car.

Original poster

superv1xen · 22/09/2010 15:59

...but i generally assume that it the parent hasn't stopped it, it'll be because it's unstoppable

yeah same here nickelbabe

OP posts:

pagwatch · 22/09/2010 15:59

When my DCs were tantruming I felt very visbible and embraessed/mortified/frustrated and often assumed that everyone who looked in my direction was being judgemental or hostile

Actually a fair percentage of people (women/mothers in particular)were lookingacross with considerable empathy.
Sometimes people feel that if they make a friendly conversational gambit then the parent ( of screaming child) will feel less hassled.

YABU. She was probably trying to break the ice and empathise

Original poster

superv1xen · 22/09/2010 16:01

chil1234 i havent got use of a car in the week :( i WISH i had the choice to not use public transport! coz believe me i would stay well clear :o

OP posts:

TheMightyToosh · 22/09/2010 16:01

Oooh yes I hate it when people say 'Hungry?' with that half grimace when your baby is crying, like you failed to feed them before you selfishly took them to the supermarket. How dare you!?

Underneath, I know they are probably actually trying to diffuse your stress by putting the crying in perspective, but it really annoys me! Apart from anything else, I don';t want to engage in conversation at that point, I just want to pay and get out of there urgghgh

RunningOutOfIdeas · 22/09/2010 16:01

I almost never make a comment to a complete stranger with a crying child. If I did it would be to agree that they can be hard work.

DD had reflux as a baby and used to scream so much. When she was about 6 weeks old I was in the doctors waiting room with her and nothing I was doing would calm her. I felt terrible. Afterwards this lovely old man came up to me in the car park and said "you looked embarassed when your baby was crying. You should never ever be embarassed about it. It is just what babies do".

DD is now 2.5 and has huge tantrums. I too feel the judgey stares of everyone around when I end up carrying her kicking and screaming.

Hope your DDs teeth stop hurting her soon.

Chil1234 · 22/09/2010 16:02

She could have been in any public place - sat on a bench in the park or stood in a shop - and had exactly the same experience. Just because you're stressed out about your child screaming its head off, it's no reason to get nasty and fire off withering glares at people just because they've tried their best to sympathise. We're quick to complain when strangers don't take any notice of women trying to manage babies, buggies etc. Can't have it both ways....

TheMightyToosh · 22/09/2010 16:03

But I do know that they are trying to empathise with you - I do it myself! I probably p!ss other people off by looking at them when their child is having a meltdown but actually I mean to let them know that I feel their pain and empathise.

It's a hard one to convey in one look!

chitchat09 · 22/09/2010 16:04

Reminds me of one time when this poor lady's DS was throwing a tantrum on a bus and she was disciplining him. This older gentleman was making snide remarks so I turned and said to DH - quite loudly - "isn't it great that she's being so firm with him and not giving into his tantrum, even though it's so difficult out in public?" Said gentleman's remarks stopped at that point.

duncandisorderly · 22/09/2010 16:04

Chil, I think I am in love with you.

JaneS · 22/09/2010 16:05

It is difficult though - I gave someone with a screaming baby what I thought was a sympathetic smile the other day. She obviously thought I was laughing at her and looked really pissed off.

Be honest: is there anything a passerby could do if your child is screaming, that you wouldn't interpret as judgey?

Onetoomanycornettos · 22/09/2010 16:07

YABU, of course people are going to look at something that is making a loud and quite distressing noise! Then making a comment is one way of coping with that socially, and they were probably saying that in a 'oh, we've all been there' type of a way. I cannot see how saying 'oh, he's probably thirsty' can in any way be construed as judgemental, but hey, dont' let me stop you. I hate the 'people looked at me/commented on my large bump/asked if the baby was teething/smiled at my baby in the street' moans on MN, really, if you can't cope with social interaction, I agree with the person who said stay indoors.

petisa · 22/09/2010 16:07

Poor lady, sounds like she was just trying to be nice! And if I look at someone with a tantruming child, it's with sympathy, as I have been there and done that. People aren't all horrible and judgy.

twilight3 · 22/09/2010 16:11

Duuuuude... you said "kill people"on an MN thread title!!!!! Be ware these things are taken literally here...

pagwatch · 22/09/2010 16:12

Actually twilight I think they may be taken literally when you say
" to literally want to kill people"

nickelbabe · 22/09/2010 16:14

lol pag!

BalloonSlayer · 22/09/2010 16:14

So you literally wanted to kill someone who made a sympathetic comment to you about your crying baby?

Christ.

twilight3 · 22/09/2010 16:16

let's not get confused here people, OP never said "literally kill" right pag?

nickelbabe · 22/09/2010 16:16

want people! the key word is *want!

nickelbabe · 22/09/2010 16:16

want even

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