to literally want to KILL people who stare at you if your DC are crying / playing up ....

[superv1xen]

.....and even worse are the ones that SAY SOMETHING.

ie. today. i was on a packed bus with screaming, teething, 16 month old DD. nb, she was fed, watered, clean bum, so i knew it was her teeth.
nothing was calming her down and i honestly think she was picking up on the fact it was stressing me out big time that she was crying, which was making her worse. i could feel all the eyes burning into me, and then this woman said to me, "awwww, is she thirsty?" I wanted to reply, NO SHE IS NOT FUCKING THIRSTY YOU NOSEY BASTARD WIND YA FUCKING NECK IN, DONT YOU THINK IF SHE WAS THIRSTY A DRINK WOULD CALM HER DOWN!!

:o

in reality, i snapped, "no, she is TEETHING actually!" loud enough for the whole bus to hear, whilst fixing said lady with a withering superv1xen glare.

felt quite sorry for her actually but i would just NEVER comment on a screaming baby or child, and if i see one while i am out i certainly dont stare and/or judge.

I do get that people stare, and not always in a nice way. Like I say, I found when I went out with my daughter in a helmet, we got stared at constantly, it was like being a walking side show. But I also realised that if you constantly look for stares, then you see them more and get upset more. You then start looking for the stares, if that makes sense, people catch your eye and then look away, and it's all just a vicious circle of who's staring at who. If you kind of look in the middle distance, focus on the child, and assume most people mean well when they comment, it makes life a lot easier for you even if it's not actually true!

great advice onetoomany

sorry to hear you were on the receiving end of so many stares re your daughter, sometimes i honestly just put it down to low intelligence (on the part of the people staring lol :o )

frikonastik omg just seen your post - LOL at mad plane lady :o

yanbu
but then after 15 yrs of people staring at dd, I would agree

Try having an 18 year old son with Autism who will sit down in the middle of the street if he doesnt want to do something or run in to shops and pull everything off the shelves, punching anyone that gets in his way - then you will know what people staring and judging really feels like.

I wouldn't comment stare or judge.

But if you were that mum at the Boden clearance sale today, your baby needed some attention. You may have thought sorting through a pile of clothes you'd bagsied for yourself, but were only going to buy 1/5 of, was more important than his piercing screams, but I disagree. No baby should ever cry that much.

DH caried DD1 out of the playpark screaming today. it was nice the two mums there said that theirs always do it when it was most embarrassing too!

she then yelled halfway up the road (including shrieking 'Bertie come back' When the bus went past without her waving at it). I wonder sometimes.

Worse when they tell you your crying, barely 1 year old baby could do with a good slap when she "carries on like that".

Or how about "that's a funny noise!" to your tantruming 2 year old and gets all offended when said 2 year old shouts back "it's not a funny noise! I am crying stupid!"

My personal approach to other people's tantruming children is ignore it and hope they pipe down soon. Mind you I used to judge loads before I had my own stroppy little madam to contend with.

I try not to look or comment but only because I KNOW what the parent is going through - it's horrible.

I would love to say something comforting to the parent but I know from experience that it would be taken the wrong way or sound patronising.

Now I just ignore it and hope that the child calms down for the parent before it gets too much for them.

That was to OP btw. Can not begin to imagine what it must be like to struggle with a teenager the same size or bigger than yourself when they are upset in public while everyone around you stares and keeps up a running commentary.

I cant imagine what thats like for you Prozacfairy...

You must be physically and mentally shattered by lunchtime on the bad days.

What did she say?

Not me Ipom but my mum has a friend who's daughter who is both physically and mentally handicapped. She can not talk so if she's upset about anything simply screams until it sorted out for her.

Can not believe some of the awful things her mum has told me some people say and do when they witness it and there is no excuse for it at all.

thesecondcoming

what did the sure start worker say??

i am not surprised. every sure start worker i have ever met is a patronising twat.

you would've loved the lady who actually stomped up to DS when he was in full on tantrum mode and shouted

'stop that horrible noise' an inch from his face

she then smiled at me and said 'ooo i was just trying to shock him out of it'

Yes. YABU. Chillax.

Like others have said, YAB a little U because the lady involved seemed well-meaning, but I get where you're coming from.

I used to commute with my dd into central London on the tube from when she was 18 months to nearly 3. I'd sometimes have mega-tantrums on the tube on the way home when it was hot and crowded and she was tired. I always welcomed sympathetic engagement, however clumsy, because at least it acknowledged our presence as fellow human-beings equally entitled to share the space of others!

But I totally share your feelings for all those who rolled their eyes, muttered snide comments under their breath, tutted and snorted, gave dirty looks, slammed their papers down and moved seats and anything else that made me feel like dirt for having a screaming child.

Someone trying to emphasise is a baaaddd thing? Your stress made you lash out, own it, move on. Peace.

I can see how thats annoying. Why was she telling you how to handle your dd?

I think alot of people are just trying ot make you feel less bad - a kind of empathy thing - like 'been there, done that...'

It's really embarassing though. Often it would be better to not have to comment on your child's shrieky behaviour, instead to be able to quietly wait for the ground to open up and swallow you both. But I think people think they are helping....!

There is something missing altogether from this thread... and it is a bit of empathy for other passengers that come back from work, they may be tired, stressed out, have a headache, and may be coming home to their own children with their own tantrums, or to an abusive alcoholic partner. When you have to share a bus ride with a tantruming 2-year-old, whose screams could make glass shatter, who sometimes runs among the seats and scream profanity at their mother and others... sometimes the only thing these people are allowed is a look, or a tut-tut, or a slamming of their paper. Yes, a mother is right to ask for sympathy, but she should acknowledge that she does not know the personal circumstances of the rest of the people in the bus. Yes, she is a mum, and it's hard work... but the person sitting by you may have cancer, and the one in front of you may have lost a dear one the day before, and the one on the other row may have a thumping migraine. Not allowing them even the chance to wear their own annoyed look, or give a glance to the screaming child, is unreasonable.

Signed, the Devil's advocate ;)