to literally want to KILL people who stare at you if your DC are crying / playing up ....

[superv1xen]

.....and even worse are the ones that SAY SOMETHING.

ie. today. i was on a packed bus with screaming, teething, 16 month old DD. nb, she was fed, watered, clean bum, so i knew it was her teeth.
nothing was calming her down and i honestly think she was picking up on the fact it was stressing me out big time that she was crying, which was making her worse. i could feel all the eyes burning into me, and then this woman said to me, "awwww, is she thirsty?" I wanted to reply, NO SHE IS NOT FUCKING THIRSTY YOU NOSEY BASTARD WIND YA FUCKING NECK IN, DONT YOU THINK IF SHE WAS THIRSTY A DRINK WOULD CALM HER DOWN!!

:o

in reality, i snapped, "no, she is TEETHING actually!" loud enough for the whole bus to hear, whilst fixing said lady with a withering superv1xen glare.

felt quite sorry for her actually but i would just NEVER comment on a screaming baby or child, and if i see one while i am out i certainly dont stare and/or judge.

omg theshriekingharpy thats awful what that lady said to you, well done you for not reacting.

thesecondcoming i think that sure start worker was definitely being out of order and sticking her beak in, i would have told her to fuck off tbh.

My own mother is the worst culprit of this. DS cries because he can't have cake/toy/can of beer/whatever and mother is all "awwww, are we tired darling?"

No he's just being fucking NAUGHTY! Don't pander to his desire for attention by trying to shush him to sleep on your lap you mad woman! Grrrrrr!

Gosh, here I have been accepting sympathetic comments in the spirit they were given and offering them myself in an attempt to let the Mum know it was OK.

I thought that wry grimacing smile thing was a Mummy code for 'PITA isn't it, but what can you do?'!

Just to completely change the tone of this thread...
I have remembered to lovely incidents where a stranger has intervened in a child's tantrum - both in my local supermarket.

1. A girl of about 2 was sitting in the trolley at the checkout, crying loudly. I was behind her Mum and made no comment. An old man walked up to the girl, bent down to her and said very calmly "my dear with a voice like that you should be on the stage". The girl stopped crying immediately. The man smiled at the Mum, suggested she have a large glass of wine and then left.

1. A friend of mine was shopping with his DD. She did the full lying on the floor, screaming tantrum. A police officer (in uniform) walked up to her and said "young lady get off the floor and behave for your Dad, NOW". The child did as she was told. The police officer whispered to my friend "its the uniform, it always works".

cupcakes lolol i feel your pain!! my MIL is exactly like this :o

thesecondcoming, I am sympathetic, having been on the receiving end of (not) well-meaning advice from a play worker on how to play with my own child 'because you probably don't get a chance to spend much time together, do you?' (I am a working mum, so apparently the hours spent looking after the children between 6-9am and 5-8pm don't count then...) I wouldn't report it, but be really assertive and next time just say 'I think I'm fine dealing with this thanks'.

I empathise when you have screaming toddlers, mine was no saint

I was in M&S cafe once when DD was having a melt down, I was carrying a tray, she was in a pushchair, she didn't know what she wanted, I didn't know what she wanted (there is no manual with these babies, is there????), and I just wanted to pay and give her something to eat to quieten her down. Two people ahead of me in the queue was a really horrible guy who said "stupid brat" or words to that effect (she was about 16 mths). The lady in front of me told him off, and said how dare he speak like that.

I did tell him off too.

Then, when I'd paid and sat down, I burst into tears. I was mortified, embarrassed, thought I'd failed as a parent, wasn't doing the right thing, when a lady came up to me and said "don't worry, they all do that at times, you mustn't get upset". It was the nicest thing anyone could have said to me.

If I see someone with a screaming toddler, you have my utmost sympathies. It's not always easy to control another human being who doesn't understand reasonableness

Morloth - i think you should say "PITA isn't it? but what can you can do"

then at least the recevier of the comment doesn't think you'retaking the piss/mocking her/judging her parenting skills.

it might not help, but at least she knows you're not being judgy.

My eldest was a champion for throwing tantrums; he had a scream that could shatter glass! He threw one in our local Tesco when he was 2, and my lovely mum was doing her best to calm him down. An elderly lady walked past, staring daggers at my screaming son. Good on my mum, she just returned the glare and said; "So I take it your little darlings never threw a tantrum, huh?".

God, I miss my mum.

Cupcakes my mum and MIL are exactly the same too.

DD will be having a tantrum and they will pander to her every desire for attention. As much as I say ignore the bad behaviour, they continue. I think it's a grandparent thing.

WRT the OP, I find it terribly humiliating when somebody tries to offer their sympathies to me when DD is in meltdown. I feel like everyone is staring and tutting at me eventhough with hindsight I knew they were just trying to help.

On the other hand, if I was in the vicinity(sp?) of a screaming toddler I would absolutely make no comment, positive or negative. I've found that, if they are like me, it's best to just carry on as normal. It is difficult to try and help someone in an awkward situation and the comments I make, however positive, may be construed to be poking my nose in where it certainly isn't wanted.

I was eating out the other day, whilst on holiday and two ladies came in who clearly had SN. (off topic from tantruming toddlers, I know)
They were accompanied by who I presumed to be their carers. They ordered their food and proceeded to shout loudly and agressively. My initial reaction was to just carry on eating my dinner. It had nothing to do with me and it didn't bother me in the slightest. It was clear that this was a symptom of their SN. However, every single other person tutted and sighed. A bloke nearby even said loudly "I'm trying to eat my effing dinner here!"

After about 5 minutes, extra security was called and they were being stared at, so rudely. I was really at this. they were only trying to eat like the rest of us. it really was no big deal. I honestly got the impression the place we were eating in wasn't far from asking them to leave.

I think the point I'm trying to make is that people are not tolerant of anybody making noise and disturbing them, whatever the scenario, baby or not.

Rant over, please continue

Coconuts, that's really sad.
Why is society at large so judgemental?

I know. It is sad. It's the same everywhere we go. Babies, SN, even old people. It makes me sad to think we live in a society where absolutely nobodies life should disturb anyone elses selfish life.

Babies cry, that's what they do. People should accept that. Everyone parents differently. What works for me, may not work for the next person but that doesn't make them wrong, just different.

Nothing wrong with being different.

Wish I was remotely different :)

good for you TSC let us know what happens.x

'Oooh yes I hate it when people say 'Hungry?' with that half grimace when your baby is crying, like you failed to feed them before you selfishly took them to the supermarket. How dare you!?

Oh gosh yes, ds4 hated any kind of trolley seat (or buggy, or cot, or.... not being held) so screamed through a shopping trip. Note it was DS4, I have manged to raise 3 others and haven't killed any yet (touch wood, or veneer anyway!).

In Tesco he was screaming and I had a full trolley about to pay; some elderly aldy starts yelling at me how I need to abandon trolley and feed him and how first time mums know nothing. I suggested that unless she was going to pay whilst I drank coffee and fed, she'd better let me finsish ASAp so i could move on and calm him.

Mind, i'm experienced as I have 2 with SN: that can attract a crowd!

MIL's kids never threw a tantrum ever - seems to be consistently the case amongst friends!

I live in an urban area I always reassure myself that it is unlikely that I will ever meet the people being disturbed by my DC again. I just don't care as long as they don't touch my kids they can think/say what they like.

Children are noisy it doesn't seem that most people in this country realise it.

' am now wondering if she has to report on people she is 'helping' after a drop in

used to be a Homestart ? surestart support worker TSC (you do know me, namechanger)- no I never did have to report.

And FWIW mine are often shoeless when safe esp. in August and can make a hell bigger fuss than yours I would bet!

report them; theya re supposed tow elcome and support not patronise.

YANBU. I remember waiting in the queue at the 7/11(it was evening because I had taken baby out for a walk because crying all day) and an old busybody loooked in the pram and said - "there's something wrong with that baby". Still feel proud that I managed to calmly say "oh no the baby's lovely I'm just a completely incompetent mother" and smiled very sweetly. I can still see her face and the corners of the mouth twitching on the rest of the people in the queue. Children can be so so wearing but not quite so wearing as pig ignorant know it all busy bodies!!!

Keep calm and play them at their own game.

Sounds like the woman was trying to be friendly. I'm sure it's no fun to be the mother in charge at the time, but I'd suggest you were far ruder than she was.