AIBU because I'm beginning to worry my wedding is!

[LittlePickleHead]

There have been quite a few AIBU and jokey threads about weddings recently, and it's starting to transpire that a lot of what I have planned for my wedding seems to piss people off.

I'm still in fairly early planning stages and want it to be a day that is enjoyed by everyone I care about.

So is what I have planned unreasonable for guests and if so why?

2pm short ceremony (outside if good weather but I have warned of this and recommended hats and suncream)

Ceremony and reception in same place

2.30-5pm canapes, champagne, nice soft drinks, various garden games (wanted to make sure there was fun things for children to do)

5pm wedding breakfast - for under 10s I have requested lunchbox type things as I thought this would be preferable for them but just seen this slagged off so perhaps I'm wrong? Is a proper main meal better?

7pm ceilidh but participation NOT compulsary

Free bar throughout day/evening (nothing posh, wine, beer, cider and nice pop e.g. belvoir elderflower, ginger beer)

We are doing more food in the evening 9pm ish(cheeses and sausage baps) and we are just inviting everyone to the day as the location is quite rural so seemed a bit unfair to make guests treck into the back of beyond just for the evening.

Children of relatives are all invited. we have spoken to most of our friends with children and the general consensus is that they would prefer to have a childfree day and stay later so we are not inviting children of friends. However if this caused anyone a problem or if they are BF at the time of course they will be mre than welcome.

So - come on - where am I going wrong? I had no idea what a minefield weddings were until MN but I am determined to have a non irritating day!

Can I come please, it sounds great!!

It sounds lovely to me.

Hope the sun shines on you.

I see nothing wrong with your wedding. It sounds like you are being very accomodating. Don't worry about it

I can't see any problems with your plan at all - in fact it seems lovely and so thoughtful about your guests, more so than most weddings. Who is getting upset by your plans? Any of your guests? I think one has to be careful to distinguish between what is actually thoughtful for the majority of guests, what you want and when others are being unreasonable.

Phew! Thanks, I thought it was OK but was starting to doubt myself.

Lucy101 none of my RL friends have been upset, it's just I've read on various threads on here MNetters who have been annoyed/irritated by things at weddings and a few of the things I am doing have come up which suprised me (e.g. the kids lunchboxes and the ceilidh)

I suppose you can't please everyone but I'd really like to!

Sounds ok to me, but as a mum of 3 young children, if i was family and invited with them and knew of this plan i would have 3 questions. Is there any other more normal drinks ( fresh juice, coke etc), is the garden area secure as sounds like alot of time spent outside and would like to relax at some point, and could my children have the proper meal please?

Otherwise sounds like a lovely different sort of day and you sound very caring thinking of peoples needs. Good luck.

I think you will go mad if you try and please everyone... and in fact you won't and then you will be terribly upset when there will be inevitable remark from someone (which may well be motivated by something completely different)!

Thanks for that amyjo22 good point about the juice and coke, I think the caterer is supplying squash for children but I'll make sure I check.

The garden is secure but I guess there would need to be constant supervision as there is a small stream and steps etc - only relly a problem for the very young (who would need supervision anyway)

Perhaps I'll ask my f&f about the meal for children and see what they all think

Sounds lovely LittlePicklehead (and v similar to mine) - but bear in mind you cant please everyone, so what you and 99% of people love, someone else might not love. And the things about the threads you've been reading (am on one of them) is that people are deliberately playing up the things that annoyed them for the amusement factor...

I know you are right dinkystinky but they got me thinking - I hate to go on one of those threads next year and recognise my wedding being slated!

Sounds grand to me!

Just don't request cash-only gifts from guests. :o

Ceilidhs rule!

I think it sounds very nice, but be mindful that 2.30 - 5 for just milling around is really quite a long time, make sure PLENTY of canapes, seriously, and that the games will keep the kids going for that long. It's a super idea, don't get me wrong, but we were at a wedding that had about 1.5 hours between end of ceremony and the meal with drinks/canapes/games for kids and everyone was seriously ready to sit down by then.... the canapes had run out really quickly, there were hardly any and it is a long time for people to just stand around and chat etc.

Just a thought, and meant in the nicest possible way, but otherwise, I think it sounds cracking.

I don't think lunch boxes are a problem, whatever keeps them happy. They'll love it I suspect!

Sounds lovely- would like my child to be invited though so I have the option of bringing them, especially if there will be some children there and we might have to travel and stay over.

Prefer children to have small portion of adult meal.

Think you should make it clear on invitation that children of friends are welcome.

Hey, if you're having a free bar you've got NOTHING to worry about.

It does sound lovely, but I would agree that waiting around between different bits of the wedding is a bugbear for a lot of people. It's a long day so it's better for things to be happening so people don't get bored IMHO. It's always my least favourite part of any wedding where the guests are just kind of waiting around, not knowing what's going on, where the bride and groom are, what's supposed to be happening. Is there something going on elsewhere? etc etc

Make sure there are plenty of refreshments and seats. I know from recent experience that many guests will be wearing beautiful but excruciating shoes!

Sounds fabulous.
If you had invited me and my kids to a wedding with games laid on for them and canapes (agree, make sure enough if nothing else to soak up alcohol and make sure noone passes out before the evening) and unlimited wine for me, I wouldn't sneer at lunchboxes and my DS's would love it.

Try and remember it is your day, you sound so bothered about what other people will think, don't let MN scare you

LPH - congratulations! On the whole it sounds lovely, but a couple of thoughts.

Will your guests be driving more than a hour to get to the venue? If so, then with a 2pm wedding the chances are that they will have missed lunch what with getting changed, setting off early etc etc. So unless you want guests to be hungry/grumpy, some substantial food immediately after the ceremony would be good (or lots and lots of canapes) or perhaps have the wedding breakfast a bit earlier?

Lunchbox Ok for children but make sure it is healthy - no one will thank you if you fill their kids up with chocolate and junk, especially if they missed lunch too.

What are guests supposed to do after the ceremony until 5? Are they on their feet or will seats be provided? It's a long time for older guests to be standing.

In terms of inviting children, I would tend to stick on the safe side and invite them all. Parents can always rsvp to say little jonny isn't coming but if you don't invite them, you can guarantee that someone will be offended (especially when they see family children there), whatever was previously discussed.

Basically, keep your guests fed, watered and comfortable and you and they will all have a wonderful time.

the timings were quite similar to my wedding.

We had the wedding cake together with the champagne in the afternoon, which worked very well.

We also made sure that there were loads of soft drinks available in the afternoon. I made the caterers double their budget for soft drinks and it nerly all got used up. On the other hand much less booze was drunk during the afternoon than they expected. I think most people drink booze in the afternoon if it is the main thing that is available, but would actually prefer something soft until later in the day.

have a lovely time.

I think how well the lunchbox concept goes down would strongly depend on what's in it and how much! If its a tiny sandwich, packet of crisps, bag of sweets and a fizzy drink then I wouldn't be too impressed and DD (3) would be left starving... For me, its success would very much depend on the execution.

Overall, though, it sounds like you've put in a lot of thought and I'm sure that will be appreciated by your guests :)

Thanks for all the feedback, it's really helpful. It's a good point about the length of time between the ceremony and the meal. BILTB's wedding had a similar gap and I don't remember it seeming too long, though I do remember it was hard work keeping control of DD running around at that point. I just used it as a chance to catch up with people I hadn't seen in a while. But perhaps a 4pm meal would be better? Would then a wait after the meal before the ceilidh be more annoying?

Hopefully the guests will know where we are and what's going on as you can kind of see all over the venue from wherever you are4 (hard to explain but it's gardens and a marquee all in one area set in a valley). We are not planning on doing a disappearing act for the photos!

I think we will invite all children to the wedding from what you have said - I was worried that friends would feel obliged to bring them when they may prefer a childless night.

nooo - don't birng the meal forward.
as long as there is plenty of grazing food, it will be lovely for the guests to have plenty of time to catch up with each other and for you to see them too. Once you're sat down it is much harder to be sociable.

our meal was even later and it really wasn't a problem.

Sorry x-posted with a few!

There are LOADS of chairs and also places to sit under cover.

Hadn't really thought about 2pm being too early as assumed guests would eat before, but you are right about the journey time so may need to rethink a little.

I was thinking of doing a little childrens corner in the marquee with colouring books, toys etc so during the meal they could go there and entertain themselves if they got bored.

Blimey, this will end up the perfect wedding with all this tweaking!