AIBU because I'm beginning to worry my wedding is!

[LittlePickleHead]

There have been quite a few AIBU and jokey threads about weddings recently, and it's starting to transpire that a lot of what I have planned for my wedding seems to piss people off.

I'm still in fairly early planning stages and want it to be a day that is enjoyed by everyone I care about.

So is what I have planned unreasonable for guests and if so why?

2pm short ceremony (outside if good weather but I have warned of this and recommended hats and suncream)

Ceremony and reception in same place

2.30-5pm canapes, champagne, nice soft drinks, various garden games (wanted to make sure there was fun things for children to do)

5pm wedding breakfast - for under 10s I have requested lunchbox type things as I thought this would be preferable for them but just seen this slagged off so perhaps I'm wrong? Is a proper main meal better?

7pm ceilidh but participation NOT compulsary

Free bar throughout day/evening (nothing posh, wine, beer, cider and nice pop e.g. belvoir elderflower, ginger beer)

We are doing more food in the evening 9pm ish(cheeses and sausage baps) and we are just inviting everyone to the day as the location is quite rural so seemed a bit unfair to make guests treck into the back of beyond just for the evening.

Children of relatives are all invited. we have spoken to most of our friends with children and the general consensus is that they would prefer to have a childfree day and stay later so we are not inviting children of friends. However if this caused anyone a problem or if they are BF at the time of course they will be mre than welcome.

So - come on - where am I going wrong? I had no idea what a minefield weddings were until MN but I am determined to have a non irritating day!

Oh forgot to say, we did a sweetie buffet. Got cheap vases and bowls from ikea, filled them all with sweets from bookers and put them all out on a table at the reception. Get some cheap pick and mix bags from ebay...sorted!

I think the adults enjoyed this more than the kids. Obviously warn parents of this one, you dont want 20 children high on sugar!

With the wedding starting at 2pm, a light meal served at 5 and the ceilidh starting at 7pm, and baps served at 9 pm, it sounds like a really long day to be stuck in a garden. Can you add some more entertainment?
Bouncy Castle? More substantial food? Is there a marquee to shelter from rain/sun, are there any garden chairs and tables?

it sounds great to me, too.
maybe you could put on the invitation that you wuld like the parents to choose a lunchbox type meal or a proper meal?
then you could provide both, maybe?

also, havea bouncy castle during your 2.5hours of milling around (and it probably will takeyou that long to have photos taken - I wish I'd realised that before I allowed DH to sort that out - didn't get to speak to anyone. :( )
but make sure it's one that adults are allowed on after dinner!

I love a ceilidh.

(ps, the problem was that if it had been milling around with no drinks or just alcoholic drinks, and no food - that's when people don't like it - you sound like you've got it spot on!)

sorry, QS, only read the first 50 posts! [vlush]

Oh, yes, second those who say the wedding breakfast and speeches ALWAYS takes longer than you think. I think at our wedding we sat down to eat at about 4, dinner went on till 6ish, then speeches, then evening guests from 7 or so.

This all sounds great to me, and very thoughtful to your guests.

I am a wedding photographer, so I have seen many weddings!

At the end of the day, it is your special day, and there is only so much that you can provide for guests, there is always going to be someone that is not happy.

You sound very kind and thoughtful towards your guests, so I hope that whatever you plan does go well and that your guests appreciate that you have considered them and their children, and you don't just get bad mannered guests moaning that things are not quite right.

What most guests don't realise is that if you provide the children with an 'adult' meal, that you will also have to pay the same price per head. When you are looking at approx £25 - £45 per child, that is very hard for most couples to manage in their budget, so a children's meal option or lunch box style meal seems a better option.

With regards to timing - those timings are totally fine, and to be honest most weddings are ceremony 1pm/2pm and then sit down meal at about 6pm, so you are actually running shorter time than most. You will need that time between to socialise, have photos, relax a bit etc. It will go so fast that you will end up wishing you had longer to mingle before sitting down to dinner.

With regards to the invite, I would just be honest and straightforward, say on it that children are more than welcome, but if you prefer to not bring them and have a day off etc, then that is ok too. Just ask guests to RSVP as soon as possible if they do want to bring children, so you can arrange children's entertainment and food etc.

Wowsers, thanks for all the suggestions! Lots of differing views.

I think I'd rather leave the ceremony and meal times as they are and push the celidh back to say, 8pm. Means less time for naff disco afterwards... (BIL sorting music out so been nervous as to what will turn up!)

My mother is currently sewing polka dot goody bags for the all the under 10s to keep them entertained. Was struggling to think of what to do for the 10+ and early teens as don't want them to be left out, or too babied with a goody bag. Any ideas?

Bouncy castle is a good idea actually, they have had them there before. I was worried it might look a bit tacky, but the consensus seems to be that it would be a good touch?

And with regards to the weather - I am sticking my head in the sound about it raining. The marquee is humongous and the ceremony would be held in a conservatory so it's not the end of the world, but TBH I would be a bit gutted as it wouldn't be the same. But then I'd be equally as gutted if I got married somewhere else that I didn't completely love so I just have to go on the faith that even if there is a bit of drizzle it won't ruin it, and it's highly unlikely to rain constantly all day long!

It sounds like you've put a lot of thought into everything. Sounds like a great day and the kids will love the ceilidh!

My one concern would be the lunch box style meals. Will they be cold? I'm sure it's meant to be fun but as a kid I would have hated a cold dinner, TBH. Instead could you have a smaller, more kid-friendly main?

Sounds very nice.
Idea for 10 and up, how about Croquet? Charades? A treasure hunt. Giant bubble wands.

Oh oh oh...twister! Everyone likes that!

Just thought of a Twister flaw, girls in dresses, in awkward positions, possibly not a good game.

Oooh treasure hunt...that could be an excellent idea, the location is perfect for that!

We are having croquet, quoits (sp?), giant chess, giant jenga, perhaps even a coconut shy so a lot of different games. Love the bubble want idea as well, we can get the ushers to give them out to the children.

If I was a child I would love all that!

Is there any chance we know each other in rl?
Because I really want to come to your wedding you sound very thoughtful.

We gave bubbles out to the children at our wedding, you sound like you have loads for them to do.
My brother got married recently and the children were running around the hotel garden, they had these glow in the dark wands for when it went darker, the children loved them.

You can get party bag fillers from ebay really cheap .
I had 40 party bags for kids at my wedding ,done for about £1.50 each .

They, ballons , purses and jewlery for girls , airplanes and badges for boys, plastic slinkys , puzzles ,crayons,streachy men/animals, little colour books and bubbles, some sweets (just a couple , not masses , and stickers ! .
Kept the kids (AND MOST OF THE MEN)amused during the boring bits (speaches, room changes ect).

your wedding plan sound brilliant btw ! hope you enjoy the day !

I really hope you are trolling and aren't really considering changes to what, from the OP, sounds like the perfect wedding.

Let anyone with children know the timings. If the parents think they might need extra food or entertainment then they can stick some cars, a sticker book and some fruit in a bag. If they don't think their kids will survive the day then they will presumably leave them at home.

I am astounded at what people manage to find to complain about. Cold food! (My wedding food was entirely cold.) Unhealthy food in the lunch boxes - It's a wedding ffs, a celebration, a few (or, indeed a bucketful) of chocolates for one day aren't going to kill them! Too long standing around, chatting to fellow guests and being plied with free food and booze? What a nightmare. I'd boycott if I was made to put up with that kind of thing!

Your day sounds perfect. Enjoy it, and stuff the whingers. I've never met anyone in real life who has ever made the kind of complaints about a wedding that some mumsnetters do.

Ah thanks Lizzylou ! I'm not sure if we know each other but if I do and I like you Im sure you're already invited

There is so much you can do, I'm trying hard not to get carried away and keep it all under budget, it's amazing how all these little bits add up...

Definitely not trolling Gubbins

I don't think I'll make major changes but it's good to think about these things. Plus I've had some excellent suggestions, although I am a bit worried that it's going to turn into a Willy Wonka funfair now instead of the sophisticated Vintage Tea Party I'd planned as I'm getting a bit carried away with all the ideas for children!

We had a coconut shy at a big family marquee party recently, went down a complete storm with all the kids and the blokes too. A LOT of testosterone in the air.....
Your wedding sounds lovely. You can put me on the reserve list...........I hope you have a lovely day.

It all sounds lovely and that you've given a great deal of thought to other people's comfort on the day. Not at all Bridezillaish.

Seeing as you've asked, though, the only thing I'd prefer is that my children got a hot meal if that's what the adults are having. I appreciate the expense of a wedding and would not necessarily expect the children to have the same meal as the adults, fish fingers and chips or similar would be fine. In my experience venues will usually provide this for the children at a reasonable cost.

I think your wedding sounds gorgeous!

I was very much like you when planning our wedding last year, and wanted the guests to feel really thought of and looked after, not just an accessory to our enjoyment. But it is impossible to keep absolutely everyone happy. We got loads of compliments on how thoughtful we had been, which was lovely because I really did make so much effort, but there were still two guests that found reason to complain! But they were MIL's friends that we were emotionally blackmailed into inviting and we didn't really want them there anyway, so I got over it pretty quick!

Some things we did that guests loved

A little basket in the ladies room, with a sewing kit, plasters, nail file etc.

The sweetie bar - I know someone already said this, but it is worth saying again! It was basically just a table with jars from Ikea and Morrisons filled with various sweets. Retro ones went down very well with the adults, especially fizz wizz and sherbet dibdabs!

For the children we did little goodie bags. I'm sure you can think of loads of stuff for the ones your Mum is making, but another idea is to give them all a disposable camera each and a checklist of things they have to take pictures of. Like a little challange for them! The has to get a picture of a lady with a hat, someone dancing, someone holding a champagne glass, some ladies shoes etc. Only rule being that they have to take pictures of people they are not related to.

You sound like you have already thought of everything, but hope that helps!

Goodie bags for children costing £7 a head at a wedding? Has the world gone completely mad? A bloody nation of spoilt little emperors, that's what we are raising. I still say if children are whining when supplied with a huge garden, a stream, toys, and other children, then they need a good slap, not £7 worth of toys!

Agree with ColdComfortFarm & Gubbins. I've always taken extra food and entertainment with me to weddings. As for lunchboxes, I personally would feel better having that than my children picking at and leaving a lot of a proper meal as I'd feel awful about the amount of money you'd spent. Each to their own, maybe a little note asking what would be preferred would be an option? Honestly though, your OP sounded just wonderful but you can't please everyone. Get moaned at for not inviting kids and then get moaned at for X Y & Z not being done for said kids.

Hope you have a lovely day :)

curlymama I love the camera idea, that is a great one for the older kids and young teens! Sort of like a photo treasure hunt.

and coldcomfort I do get where you are coming from, however I think it is a nice touch to make children feel really welcome, but I also think it really helps the parents to have as many things to keep them happy and distracted as possible. I know I found the wedding I went to with DD earlier this year (then 14mo) really hard work, especially as DP was best man and couldn't really help out. it's no wonder I got so hammered merry once MIL took her home for the night...

Don't do the sweetie bar or bouncy castle - that sounds totally tacky.

I think your wedding sounds perfect, don't change a thing.