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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU because I'm beginning to worry my wedding is!

89 replies

LittlePickleHead · 21/09/2010 08:54

There have been quite a few AIBU and jokey threads about weddings recently, and it's starting to transpire that a lot of what I have planned for my wedding seems to piss people off.

I'm still in fairly early planning stages and want it to be a day that is enjoyed by everyone I care about.

So is what I have planned unreasonable for guests and if so why?

2pm short ceremony (outside if good weather but I have warned of this and recommended hats and suncream)

Ceremony and reception in same place

2.30-5pm canapes, champagne, nice soft drinks, various garden games (wanted to make sure there was fun things for children to do)

5pm wedding breakfast - for under 10s I have requested lunchbox type things as I thought this would be preferable for them but just seen this slagged off so perhaps I'm wrong? Is a proper main meal better?

7pm ceilidh but participation NOT compulsary

Free bar throughout day/evening (nothing posh, wine, beer, cider and nice pop e.g. belvoir elderflower, ginger beer)

We are doing more food in the evening 9pm ish(cheeses and sausage baps) and we are just inviting everyone to the day as the location is quite rural so seemed a bit unfair to make guests treck into the back of beyond just for the evening.

Children of relatives are all invited. we have spoken to most of our friends with children and the general consensus is that they would prefer to have a childfree day and stay later so we are not inviting children of friends. However if this caused anyone a problem or if they are BF at the time of course they will be mre than welcome.

So - come on - where am I going wrong? I had no idea what a minefield weddings were until MN but I am determined to have a non irritating day!

OP posts:
Original poster
LittlePickleHead · 21/09/2010 10:11

muddleduck that's what I thought initially, but I would hate for guests to be starving with only canapes (I went to one recently, 1pm wedding with 5pm sit down, I must have eaten about 50 canapes as I was so hungry)

Hmm getting a bit muddled myself now...

OP posts:
JaneS · 21/09/2010 10:11

It sounds lovely!

I think the wedding threads really boil down to one thing (MILs in white excepted) - it's all about thinking what your guests might like and making it a nice day for them as well as for you. And you're doing that, so it'll be fine! I think your guests will be pleased you've bothered to ask their opinions about things like do they want their children there.

I do like the idea of a children's corner, but make sure it's good for the ages of children there are.

Original poster
LittlePickleHead · 21/09/2010 10:12

Right must go off to playgroup with DD, but thanks for all your input, food for thought!

(and SGM I love the sundae idea!)

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 21/09/2010 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

muddleduck · 21/09/2010 10:14

we had a 2.30 wedding and gave guests a list of places nearby where they could get lunch. Ours was a city wedding so that was easy.

I agree that the key to getting your timings to work is to ensure that they have all had a proper lunch.

Basically what we did was to try and have meals at their normal times!

minibmw2010 · 21/09/2010 10:15

It all sounds like a lovely day, only thing I would say is don't make all your plans weather dependant. We went to a friends wedding where it was all planned for outside and it rained constantly the day before and on the day and of course then everything had to be rearranged at last minute for indoors.

Notquitegrownup · 21/09/2010 10:19

It sounds lovely!

If I was going to a 2pm wedding, as a guest, I would expect to provide my own lunch. A 12 noon or 1pm wedding would be tricky but if I was travelling a long way in the morning, I would be picnicking en route, or if not going far, I would be eating locally before the wedding.

Can't believe that any guests would be expecting you to give them a lunch after the service as well as a free bar, an evening meal and a ceilidh! However, my dss at 6 and 9 would certainly prefer a small meal rather than a lunchbox, if that is any help. Maybe under 5s might the lunchbox option?

titchy · 21/09/2010 10:19

All I'd change is the wedding time - make it 3pm. Then anyone with a journey shoudl have time for lunch before they set off. Meal at 5pm is fine - but yes give children the choice of picnic box OR small portion of main meal.

Ceilidh sounds FAB! (Am trying to persuade SIL she wants one for her wedding!)

Casserole · 21/09/2010 10:19

I think it sounds lovely, but personally I would bring the meal forward either an hour or half an hour - 2.5 hours is a long time to hang around and not everyone will know lots of people to catch up with. Those who do, can catch up with them during the evening part, too, or during the sit down meal, it's not like the afternoon is their only opportunity.

I don't really have a preference re kids meals actually. Possibly it would be nice for them to have the same hot meal as everyone else, as they will probably have only have a snacky sandwich type lunch on the way.

But otherwise I think it sounds lovely and I shall await my invitiation with baited breath Grin

bigchris · 21/09/2010 10:19

I think my six year old would rather eat the hot meal everyone was eating than a sandwich tbh

anonymousbird · 21/09/2010 10:21

Your 2.5 hours will be ok, as long as you have LOADS of canapes, seriously, think what you need and double it. Hungry guests, who are drinking on empty stomachs.. no thanks!

You will have a cracking wedding, you are thinking of everything!!!

Habbibu · 21/09/2010 10:23

Sounds great, and will be, because you're actively thinking about this. You can't please everyone with all the details, but that doesn't matter - it'll be obvious that you've made the effort, parents will feel relaxed about their children being there, so won't be tense, children will therefore will also be less tense, and peace and harmony will reign.

Have a lovely, lovely day.

flowerybeanbag · 21/09/2010 10:24

I'd bring the meal forward a bit. Wedding breakfasts always overrun with speeches and all that, so you'll be struggling to fit that in and be ready to start ceilidh-ing at 7 I reckon if you don't sit down until 5.

Every time I've been to an evening do of a wedding, arrived at the specified time, the wedding party have always been still sat down and having speeches. Build more time in for the wedding breakfast, not for between ceremony and meal.

Habbibu · 21/09/2010 10:25

And ceilidhs are fantastic, and de rigeur up here.

MamaVoo · 21/09/2010 10:26

I'd change the ceremony to 3pm if possible to make the time in between the ceremony and the meal shorter. Even if guests know plenty of people there, 2 1/2 hours is a long time. If there are guests who don't know many people it could really drag for them.

I wouldn't mind what food was served for my DC, but it would be nice to have some small toys/colouring things on the table to keep him amused during the meal (although I suspect most parents have their bags stuffed with toys and snacks anyway so it doesn't matter too much).

Can I suggest a bubble machine for outside? My one can happily run around after bubbles for hours.

ColdComfortFarm · 21/09/2010 10:26

Blimey, I always thought that the 'no kids, not even breastfeeding babies' bridezillas were unreasonable, but I have to say, all this 'don't feed my children X or Y, and provide lots of fun and entertainers and indoor activities for my children' lot seem just as insanely demanding to me. This is a wedding, not a children's party, and if your children are going to kick off because all they have to play with are games, a huge garden and a stream, then frankly, you should either leave them at home or provide your own entertainment. And if adults cannot enjoy a couple of hours in the afternoon with old friends in beautiful countryside while eating canapes and drinking your free booze, then they should just say no, as they are miserable so-and-sos! Your (the operative word, surely?) wedding sounds lovely, and anyone who moaned about it would be horribly ungrateful. I wouldn't tell adults to wear sunscreen though - you aren't their mother. You seem actually slightly too thoughtful for your own good. Have a lovely, lovely day.

ScroobiousPip · 21/09/2010 10:27

Good suggestion titchy, second vote for a 3pm ceremony, followed by a 5pm meal. Solves all the timing issues.

Are you beginning to regret this thread LPH? Death by committee... Wink

anonymousbird · 21/09/2010 10:32

If you have an outside space (sounds like you have) how about bubble wands for the kids?? We had these at a wedding recently and all the kids ran around like loonies with them, loved every minute (of course, you need some space for them to run around and not knock over great aunt tess or whoever!)

Also, the bubbles made for some wonderful relaxed photos......

Just an idea.....!

And I second the fact that the meal and speeches always take longer than you think.

SummerRain · 21/09/2010 10:35

All three of my kids would want the same meal as everyone else... my boys would steal all my food if they only got a lunchbox and then i'd be hungry and cranky!

All the rest of it sounds lovely though.... as long as the weather is nice, can't imagine what it'll be like if it's windy and cold or worse still pouring from the heavens. Are there plenty of alternative arrangements or will everyone be herded into one small function room if the outdoor stuff is washed away?

JaxTellersOldLady · 21/09/2010 10:42

I think your ideas sound really good, but main meal for kiddies too, not a lunch box - they may or may not eat it all, but it will be their 'proper dinner'

Bubble wands are cheap and cheerful, and lots of colouring in books, little toys to play with would be fantastic. My friend did this at her wedding - where each child sat there was a big gift bag with colouring book, pencils, bubbles and some sparkly things for girls and top trump type cards for the boys. It really made them feel included and went down a treat.

Can I come? It sounds like a fantastic day.

Good luck.

FreeButtonBee · 21/09/2010 10:45

very similar to mine; 2pm service, 20 mins drive to reception venue (we are in the sticks so as near as we could get), reception from about 3.30-4pm with champagne, wee guinesses, still and sparkly water, OJ, tea, coffee, wedding cake (chocolate fudge cake), canapes and shortbread (should mean that the guests don't starve!)

Few photos (mostly relaxed ones); lots of chat, some trad Irish music then call to dinner at 6.30. Dinner at 7 (v few kids - they were invited, everyone said no apart from a few aged 8 plus)

Band thereafter.

What's not to like? So long as the oldies can have a seat and a cup of tea and you have it covered if it rains, then I can't think why some grown-ups can't talk to each other for 2 hours.

It's getting my lot to shut that is normally the problem...

NotAnotherNewNappy · 21/09/2010 10:56

Whatever you do, you'll end up upsetting someone (bitter bride emoticon - think of the angry red one wearing a veil!).

Your day sounds lovely, stick to your instincts. Don't bring the meal forward, it won't give you enough time to mix and enjoy the high just after the ceremony. Any sensible person going to a wedding knows to have a big brunch and bring snacks for kids. I went to a wedding with a Caeligh recently - it was fab.

Parents will thank you for children's corner - and perhaps goodie bags and filled with stuff from pound shop (balloons, colouring, stickers, etc).

Katisha · 21/09/2010 10:59

All sounds great but you did ask..
So my twopennorth is that the two and a half hours is OK if you can guarantee fine weather. But if it rains it wil be hard work.

I second the idea to bring meal forward to 4pm as it will take longer than 2 hours to happen. People won't mind waiting for the ceilidh to start up as much as waiting for something to eat in the first place IMO.

2blessed2bstressed · 21/09/2010 11:11

Exactly what ColdComfortFarm said Smile It's your wedding, hope you have a lovely time

loveulotslikejellytots · 21/09/2010 11:30

Just a thought and tell me to naff of if it's either been done or suggested. But I did all our guests under 12 a bag (just a sturdy gift bag) and filled it with colouring books, pencils/crayons, a slinky, a soft toy for younger ones, a disposable camera, balloons to blow up (again depending on age), toy cars, puzzle books, sticker books, yo-yo's, skipping rope - got all of these from the pound shop!

Each bag cost me about £6-£7 and the kids seemed to enjoy it.

Book clubs are good as well, you can get some cheap books and things from there.

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