AIBU because I'm beginning to worry my wedding is!

[LittlePickleHead]

There have been quite a few AIBU and jokey threads about weddings recently, and it's starting to transpire that a lot of what I have planned for my wedding seems to piss people off.

I'm still in fairly early planning stages and want it to be a day that is enjoyed by everyone I care about.

So is what I have planned unreasonable for guests and if so why?

2pm short ceremony (outside if good weather but I have warned of this and recommended hats and suncream)

Ceremony and reception in same place

2.30-5pm canapes, champagne, nice soft drinks, various garden games (wanted to make sure there was fun things for children to do)

5pm wedding breakfast - for under 10s I have requested lunchbox type things as I thought this would be preferable for them but just seen this slagged off so perhaps I'm wrong? Is a proper main meal better?

7pm ceilidh but participation NOT compulsary

Free bar throughout day/evening (nothing posh, wine, beer, cider and nice pop e.g. belvoir elderflower, ginger beer)

We are doing more food in the evening 9pm ish(cheeses and sausage baps) and we are just inviting everyone to the day as the location is quite rural so seemed a bit unfair to make guests treck into the back of beyond just for the evening.

Children of relatives are all invited. we have spoken to most of our friends with children and the general consensus is that they would prefer to have a childfree day and stay later so we are not inviting children of friends. However if this caused anyone a problem or if they are BF at the time of course they will be mre than welcome.

So - come on - where am I going wrong? I had no idea what a minefield weddings were until MN but I am determined to have a non irritating day!

OP your wedding plans sound fine and very considerate. Stick with your sophisticated vintage tea party idea. the wedding is about you and NOT getting yourself worked up about entertaining guests children. You have laid on enough for them. It's the parents responsibility to provide snacks, games, etc. I always go out with a big bag of food, crayons, sticker book, story books, little toy animals etc.

FGS given a decent outside space and other children they could and should be able to entertain themselves without a s**tload of added extras. What's with this elevation to such exalted esteem of children in todays society?? Honestly the mumzilla attitudes on here on some of the wedding threads has really surprised me.

Talk about sense of entitlement

DrunkenDaisy would, of course, be the first one in the queue for the bouncy castle!

We had goodie bags for the children - i put them all in white plastic carrier bags (freebies from a supplier of mine!), with a chocolate Gruffalo coin (oh, yes, please be jealous! ), under 3s got board book and soft toy, 3-6 got colouring book, felt-tips and a snake, and 7-10s got wordsearch book, felt tips and snake.
And i also put out a huge tub in the ceremony with dried fruit boxes and mini bags of popcorn. (they all got eaten!)

that's all i did for the kids - our buffet was a cold buffet because we did it ourselves (well, whole immediate family did it!). I didn't get to see most of it though, because a swarm of locusts happened upon the church while we were stuck in the graveyard having photos taken!

noone got bored, as far as i can tell. and they all loved the disco afterwards - balloons on the dancefloor are the best thing to get kids up and dancing!

I would not listen to the advice on here as you can see everyone has different ideas !
Leave your arrangements as already planned they sound brilliant. You were right about kids I went to a cousins wedding recently no kids invited.I was a bit dissapointed at first as my son is part of the family but everybody had a nice enough time not having to worry about them for once !

Your timings sound great. My wedding had similar times as did my friend's wedding a few months ago.

You need that time to mingle with your guests, especially as you won't get to mingle that much when the celiah starts.

Besides, it's YOUR day and people will be respectful of that...most people expect a little down time during a wedding.

Have a great day!

Sounds lovely.

However, it may seem strange to friends that you have not chatted too why some children are invited and some not, esp when you are laying on suitable games and food.

If a friend invite says child free, but then I showed up when there were cildren around I would be a tad . But then I like taking DD to weddings and she enjoys them. But I wouldn't feel comfortable to comment or nanything, would just be a bit put out I guess (possibly inreasonable so I don't know).

I know some people prefer not to take their children with them for the day, but IME not all do, but may be happy to have baby sitters if just for an evening. less so for a full day.

My DD would be happy with a main meal or a lunchbox meal.

Just a thought on kids bit re drinks - I would go for cartons of juicerather than glasses of squash if possible as less likely to get spilt everywhere. You can get juice cartons really well priced in places like Costco. I wouldn't do coke for children pesonally.

One thing I would say, is with a largish gap like yours, plenty of canapes will be fine, but make sure your caterer does ones that mean guests who are veggie/vegan/gluten free can have a reasonable number too. I've ended up with a plate of peanuts before just trying to not get totally wasted as I don't usually start drinking at lunchtime, esp with no food

I think it looks great - with timings very similar to my wedding. I hope that all your friends and family appreciate the time and trouble you have gone to. Enjoy your day!

It sounds great!

I like being invited to weddings (it's nice to feel wanted :) ) but tbh (don't tell anyone!) I normally find them a bit boring/drawn out/tiring (lots of standing in 'fancy' footwear!) - I do enjoy them from the point of the 'occasion' and seeing the B&G so happy etc - but yours sounds lovely and a day I would look forward to!

You should see if the venue will put out lots of jugs of iced water as well - people will drink more of it then (cost you less and be less drunk!!).

We tried to please everyone at our wedding - everyone had a fab time (or so they told us ) and so we had a fab time.

You are going to have a wonderful day!

Wow it sounds like a great wedding you'll have a wonderful day!

My own preference for kids food would be a meal rather than lunchbox but thats just me because thats what mine would eat, they always leave party food but will get stuck in to a "proper" meal so a lunchbox for them would be a waste of money. However certainly nothing to quibble over I'd be delighted and amazed that so much thought had gone into keeping the kids happy/entertained. Blimey at my wedding 11 years ago there was none of this, the parents just brought suitable toys/snacks and kept them entertained themselves!

Sounds like a brilliant day though, wish I was coming!

I run creches at weddings and one of the best ones we did was when the children had a seperate meal prepared for them shortly after the ceremony, they had fish nuggets, chunky chips and veg with ice cream.
It was fab, prepared by the caterers and the children came and sat with us to eat, we then did arts and crafts with them and had a dvd for later.
The older children could come and go as they wanted while we amused the younger ones.
A childrens corner would work really well, you could always hire a couple of nannies to help out with feeding and nappy changes.
It does sound really good though,well done.

We invited all the children that our guests had (well, all children living at home/classed by law as children), and we named them on the invitations.
I think we had 30 children (of which about half? were over 10yo). we did make it clear that the children were all welcome - we even put an area aside right at the nave of the church, so they could be right in the action if they wanted to be. In reality, only my friends-in-the-choir, my sisters and my friend-operating-the-video-camera's children used it, but I didn't hear a single peep from any children elsewhere, and the ones at the front seemed to be enjoying joining in.
So i assume it must have worked!

One tip our vicar gave us (she has 2 under-fives) was that as long you give them non-loud snacks during the service, they'll be okay!