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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my sister is being a little bit selfish?

118 replies

MsSparkle · 20/09/2010 12:24

My mum and my sister both share the same birthday in December. This year my mum is going to 60 and my sister will be 29.

Every year, my mum has taken a back seat on her birthday so my sister got all the fuss etc and my mum never ever complained about this, she was always happy for my sister to take center stage on their birthday.

This year we have decided to take mum out for a nice meal as it is her 60th, so as it's in December (Chistmas parties etc) we have had to book the table now.

So yesterday, my sister phoned my mum to say she and her partner weren't going to be coming because she has decided to go for a meal with just her and him to celebrate HER birthday.

I think she is being selfish. She can celebrate her birthday with mum at the meal with all of us, i think it's just because she won't be center stage as it's my mums 60th.

Next year she gets the big birthday being 30! She has annoyed me alot. I haven't heard from her yet to tell me she isn't coming and i am unsure what to say to her when she does?

OP posts:

LittleMissHissyFit · 22/09/2010 13:16

Oh FFS, it'll be her 30th next year, can she really not insist on taking her own limelight for one little year?

Sheesh! poor you OP, I would be mortally ashamed to have a sister like that. Your poor mother!

griffaloschild · 22/09/2010 13:24

I had a situation like this for my mums 70th. I've got a number of siblings and two of them made it very difficult to arrange something for all of us to attend, without any legitimate reasons.

After bowing down to their demands we ended up going to a really rubbish restaurant, and me apologising to her in private. I still feel bad about it now I wish I had stuck to my guns and told them they were being selfish. So do what you think is right.

Later two of us took her to a hotel for a weekend to make up for it! Not the same though

MrsChemist · 22/09/2010 13:26

Sneakily invite your half brother to her 30th [evil emoticon]

rey · 22/09/2010 13:27

Totally agree with QS.

Let everyone see how your sister. If she changes her mind and joins in it will only spoil it wont it? Let your mum be the focus for once.

booyhoo · 22/09/2010 13:30

erm, how is it selfish to want to celebrate your birthday with your DH? your sister has no obligation to celebrate with your mum just because they share a birthday. it was your mums choice to take a back seat in the past and you are taking your mum out for dinner. you sister is free to do as she pleases.

Summerbird73 · 22/09/2010 14:21

booyhoo

basically, her mum has taken backseat for the last 29 years and let sis have the limelight for their birthdays. this year is a very special birthday for mum and we all think that for one year the sister could perhaps take a backseat so that her mum can celebrate in style. her mum naturally wants the whole family with her as she loves them all and wants to celebrate with them - it is a small family so even more so.

it is the sisters 29th birthday, we might have felt slightly differently if it was her 30th but it isnt. 29 is not a significant birthday and sis wants to go up to london to claridges, which to me is a more apt 30th thing.

ergo she is selfish - have i missed anything anyone?

booyhoo · 22/09/2010 15:35

still dont see how that is selfish. the mum chose to take a backseat for 29 years. yes the sister could join her family for the celebration but she wants to celebrate with her DH she jsut isn't as family oriented as some reckon she should be. she has no duty to be at the meal for her mum. it isn't selfish. selfish would be insisteing that her mother celebrated with her. she isn't doing that she is just doing her own thing. not selfish.

DirtyMartini · 22/09/2010 16:21

But it's selfish of her to ignore her mum's wish to have all her children there on her special day. I think there are broader emotional resonances to this than you are acknowledging, booyhoo.

booyhoo · 22/09/2010 16:27

well, you could say it is selfish of the mum to expect her to attend a celebration for her 60th when the daughter would like to celebrate with her husband alone. the mother is ignoring her daughter's wishes.

DirtyMartini · 22/09/2010 20:23

But social norms suggest that we can reasonably expect special milestone birthdays, especially toward the later part of our lives, to be treated as extra-special by the ones we love and to take priority over someone's 29th birthday.

Not acknowledging this is a bit disingenuous; you must know it to be the case, even if you don't personally wish to abide by it.

withorwithoutyou · 22/09/2010 20:26

Not read all thread but I think she's being a big meany.

My first mother's day was also my Mum's 60th birthday. We spent the day with my Mum, celebrating her birthday, which is how it should be, IMO.

sickoftheholidays · 22/09/2010 20:38

I think it depends how its been put to sister - if its a case of "we are going to go somewhere really special this year to celebrate mums 60th" then I would be a bit put out if I were her, and prone to doing my own thing as it sort of negates the fact that it is also her birthday and celebration, allbeit a minor one.
if it was put "how about we go somewhere really special to celebrate yours and mums birthday this year, as its her 60th and we want to really make a fuss" then I think she is being bloody selfish.
Cant really blame the mum for giving her daughter centre stage on her birthday, I would do the same for DD or DS (even into adult hood).

IMoveTheStars · 23/09/2010 00:36

booyhoo - are you the sister?

getabloodygrip · 23/09/2010 09:54

No, Jareth, booyhoo is MY sister, finding solace and sympathising with someone as ignorant and as selfish a cow as her. She's relieved that there is another one of her out there. It will give her fuel for my next show down with her, when she can say "well on MN, there were all these awful horrid people saying that a completely selfish twunk's wishes should be given serious consideration, so consider mine"

FUCK OFF SIS!

booyhoo · 23/09/2010 10:13

ha!! getabloody you only wish i was your sister.

no i am not the sister, i am a sister but not the sister.

Summerbird73 · 23/09/2010 10:23

boo you are winding us up i reckon you cant seriously think the mum is being selfish for wanting to celebrate her 60th bday? and that it is her fault for taking back seat - thats what mums do - till their 60th bday that is

booyhoo · 23/09/2010 10:26

no you're right, i don't think the mum is being selfish, the same way i don't think the sister is being selfish. they are both celebrating their birthdays how they want, separately. i don't think the mum is UR for wnating her whole family there, but i also don't think that it is UR for an adult to chose how she spends her birthday. it is not selfish.

Plumm · 23/09/2010 12:26

OP, surely you can arrange your wedding to coincide with your sister's 30th birthday

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