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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my sister is being a little bit selfish?

118 replies

MsSparkle · 20/09/2010 12:24

My mum and my sister both share the same birthday in December. This year my mum is going to 60 and my sister will be 29.

Every year, my mum has taken a back seat on her birthday so my sister got all the fuss etc and my mum never ever complained about this, she was always happy for my sister to take center stage on their birthday.

This year we have decided to take mum out for a nice meal as it is her 60th, so as it's in December (Chistmas parties etc) we have had to book the table now.

So yesterday, my sister phoned my mum to say she and her partner weren't going to be coming because she has decided to go for a meal with just her and him to celebrate HER birthday.

I think she is being selfish. She can celebrate her birthday with mum at the meal with all of us, i think it's just because she won't be center stage as it's my mums 60th.

Next year she gets the big birthday being 30! She has annoyed me alot. I haven't heard from her yet to tell me she isn't coming and i am unsure what to say to her when she does?

OP posts:

Original poster

MsSparkle · 20/09/2010 20:45

proudnglad, i haven't text anything back to her. My mum did get a phone call earlier though from my sister saying "well you wouldn't miss me and my dp anyway..." My mum just said it would have been nice to have her there.

My dad isn't around, he left my mum on her own when we were very little, so she has brought me and my sister up on her own. The meal would consist of my mum, my half-brother, myself and my dp, plus my sister and her dp if she came. So only a small, intimate dinner at a very nice restaurant.

What annoyed me most was last Saturday she said she was coming so last week i booked the table, then yesterday she told my mum she wasn't coming because her dp is taking her to Claridges. We don't live in London, we live about 100 miles south of it so her dp would either have to drive or train it, 2 days before Christmas!

OP posts:

FakePlasticTrees · 20/09/2010 21:17

I think you need to say something. How about telling her that although your mum didn't want to make a fuss, you know she's upset that DSis will be missing her birthday, and as it's a big birthday, you think DSis should make an effort, so does she want to ask her DH to move the day they are going to Claridges, or should you move the date your all going to celebrate your Mum's big birthday?

susitwoshoes · 20/09/2010 21:47

MsSparkle, that's even worse, that she's bailing out of a small family gathering AFTER having said she would go, basically because a better offer (in her view) came up. Appalling. She can shift her Claridges tea - the fact that your mum can move her meal too is irrelevant, it was on the table first - and it's her MUM'S. 60th. Birthday.

Honestly, I am (practically) lost for words. FFS.

rantyknickers · 20/09/2010 21:58

Is there any way you can make it into a bigger event? If she won't come then invite lots of more fun people to replace her, some of your Mum's friends, neighbours, even some of your friends would do!

Your sister will have a hideous time at Claridges that close to Christmas, trains will be packed, everywhere crowded. She would be far better off going between Christmas and New Year.

A1980 · 21/09/2010 00:16

She sounds like my sister. No one must upset the darling little princess.

I'd not say anything and let her be a prima donna. Then next year, I'd ignore her 30th and see how she likes it. But that's just me

MaMoTTaT · 21/09/2010 00:28

thumbwitch · 21/09/2010 00:40

MaMo - were you having tea in Claridges instead? Having said you would go to your mum's? No? then I very much doubt that the convo would have been quite the same...

prozacfairy - that is dreadful but what was your friend thinking to have cancelled her own date in favour of her brat of a sister?? She had first take on it, first priority, her sister was being a complete brat - how is it that the brats of this world keep getting their own way??

MaMoTTaT · 21/09/2010 00:44

ermm - no I think on the day in question we were living it up in Liverpool having lunch at the Tate

mjinhiding · 21/09/2010 00:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BitOfFun · 21/09/2010 00:59

She is probably so used to her mum deferring birthdays to her that she thinks her mum just isn't a birthday person.

Is there any way you could speak to her DP and ask him to move the Claridges lunch so she "won't miss out" on this important family occasion?

CheerfulYank · 21/09/2010 01:00

What mjinhiding said.

YANBU. What a brat.

silverten · 21/09/2010 07:49

I think the warning word in the text she sent is the 'probably'. This suggests to me that she's expecting more fuss to be made to try and persuade her to do something different, which would tally with the whole attention-seeking theory. Whether you indulge this is up to you I guess.

I can understand why you are exasperated with your sister's behaviour. However this is surely about your mum, not about how you feel? I do think it is worth considering that your mum actually doesn't mind- particularly if she knows full well that your sister is an attention-seeking type who is prone to sulking if she doesn't get her own way- she may even be quietly thinking "Excellent. I get to be centre of attention for once!".

Not quite the same thing but when my gran was 90 we tried to sort out a party that she'd like. She's a very quiet, happy-in-her-own-company type and by the time the actual birthday rolled around she was getting really fed up with all the fussing about it!

Summerbird73 · 21/09/2010 08:59

i also wonder that if she does end up coming along then she will try and take the limelight away from your mum in a 'look at me it is my birthday tooooooo happy birthday meeeee!'

i feel for you, my sister isnt quite as selfish but she comes close, she asked me months ago what i was getting her for her 30th in October - when i asked her if she wanted XXX she said 'well that is only about £20 - think of something else' then when i said to her 'well what did you get me for my 30th? (8 years ago) she shrugged and said 'cant remember' (i remember that I got a £15 Oasis voucher and was actually v happy with it!)

Original poster

MsSparkle · 21/09/2010 09:45

I spoke to my sister last night and now she is saying she doesn't want to go because our half-brother is going. They don't speak, never really got on growing up, he is 12 years older then her.

I told her mum had invited him because she wants all her children together. My sister responded that she doesn't want to sit having a meal on HER birthday with someone she doesn't like. I said can't she just be civil for the sake of mum for one evening, apprently she can't.

She then went on to say i obviosly have too much time on my hands because i am thinking about things that aren't until December (i reminded her i had to book now because it is near Christmas) and how she has a job so doesn't have time to think about these things etc.

She has really annoyed me saying that! I am a SAHM with 2 small children at the moment. She thinks mums just sit and drink coffee all day.

OP posts:

rantyknickers · 21/09/2010 09:53

Ignore ignore ignore.

She is a cow. She clearly has enough time to worry about festering feuds and has put quite a lot of effort into worrying about how her birthday will be spoilt.

Fwiw, my brother and sister never got on. Now both my parents have died my sister doesn't speak to any of us (she sounds a lot like your sister). However, they would NEVER have behaved like this around my mother and always put on a sterling show on family occasions.

All crumbled into festering hatred over the will but that is another thread entirely .

gtamom · 21/09/2010 13:07

Wow! Your poor mother. This is a milestone birthday! You should print this thread out and send to your sister.

zipzap · 21/09/2010 13:34

If she can't do the decent thing and go to your mum's birthday party, and does go to Claridges for tea then I think that it is only fair that you all (excluding sis obviously!) go to Claridges for tea next year, to celebrate your mum's 61st birthday

MaudOHara · 21/09/2010 13:45

Good idea zipzap - she is being amazingly selfish - iiwy I would be tempted to cancel her claridges booking [mean]

rantyknickers · 21/09/2010 13:47

Did you see the thread about the woman who moved her daughter's friend's tennis lesson?

Find this woman, get her to move your sister's booking to a different day

forehead · 21/09/2010 23:57

Ignore her spoilt cow.

DirtyMartini · 22/09/2010 00:22

You're better off without her there.

IMoveTheStars · 22/09/2010 00:27

She is being unreasonable.

If she goes through with this make sure you are otherwise engaged for her 20th next year.

Selfish stupid cow.

IMoveTheStars · 22/09/2010 00:30

OP, text your sister, tell her to stop being such a selfish fucking child and to get her arse to her own Mother's 60th birthday...

jesus.. what a wench.

pigletmania · 22/09/2010 00:35

God what a spoilt brat Sparkle, how old is she 6? I am gobsmacked at her audacity and complete selfishness. To not go to her mothers special 60th birthday celebrations that is ust .I would understand if it were any other birthday as she might want to do her own things on her birthday and not a joint one, but her mums 60th. It amazes me from reading some of the posts here of how adults can be completely childike over their birthdays. I myself try and forget that its my birthday and do as little as possible to highlight the fact. I only expect dh to remember and buy me something nice.

Summerbird73 · 22/09/2010 12:51

just occurred to me - she had already said she was going. both she and her DP knew it was also your mums 60th - yet her DP went ahead and booked Claridges??

Not only is your DSis selfish but then so is her DP. He must have known you would all be doing something special.

MsSparkle you sound lovely - your Dsis and her DP sound horrid.

You spoil your mum rotten - sounds like she deserves it

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