Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my sister is being a little bit selfish?

118 replies

MsSparkle · 20/09/2010 12:24

My mum and my sister both share the same birthday in December. This year my mum is going to 60 and my sister will be 29.

Every year, my mum has taken a back seat on her birthday so my sister got all the fuss etc and my mum never ever complained about this, she was always happy for my sister to take center stage on their birthday.

This year we have decided to take mum out for a nice meal as it is her 60th, so as it's in December (Chistmas parties etc) we have had to book the table now.

So yesterday, my sister phoned my mum to say she and her partner weren't going to be coming because she has decided to go for a meal with just her and him to celebrate HER birthday.

I think she is being selfish. She can celebrate her birthday with mum at the meal with all of us, i think it's just because she won't be center stage as it's my mums 60th.

Next year she gets the big birthday being 30! She has annoyed me alot. I haven't heard from her yet to tell me she isn't coming and i am unsure what to say to her when she does?

OP posts:
FakePlasticTrees · 20/09/2010 13:18

I'd send her a message back saying "OK, real pity the whole family won't be there to celebrate mum's significant birthday, but I guess it's ok that not everyone makes it to significant birthday parties."

Of course, I'd make sure you (and your DM if you can take her away to a spa or something) are not available next year for your DSis's 30th.

ChristianaTheSeventh · 20/09/2010 13:21

Why don't you say to Dsis - 'Claridges for tea! What a fab idea. DM would LOVE that, let's do it there and make a big fuss of her! You don't mind do you?'

OrmRenewed · 20/09/2010 13:21

"So you don't think 60 is a significant birthday then? Oh well, I guess you'll feel the same about 30".

JaneS · 20/09/2010 13:23

I think ranty has a point - who else will come to your mum's celebration? Maybe you could make sure the whole family/her friends are invited, so everyone will be talking about it and it will a) cheer your mum up and b) maybe shame your sister into coming when everyone keeps talking to her about party plans!

Btw, QS, that is just unbelievable! A 75-year-old being so childish. Sad

FakePlasticTrees · 20/09/2010 13:24

oh, please, please, please relocate your Mum's 60th to Claridges. On a separate table to your DSis & DP. Waving distance, preferably. Grin

CakeandRoses · 20/09/2010 13:25

YANBU but you can't change her so just do your best to give your mother a great birthday without your selfish brat of a sister.

Think I would have to tell her how self-centred she's being tho.

QS · 20/09/2010 13:25

oh please dont. your sis will think you do this to accommodate her rather than give your mum a great time. You dont want her to upstage your mum, do you?

StewieGriffinsMom · 20/09/2010 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CakeandRoses · 20/09/2010 13:33

oooh yy stewvie! Get even and be away for her 30th next year Grin

cerealqueen · 20/09/2010 13:37

YA definitely NBU. 60th is a landmark birthday. How would she feel if she had a bash on her 30th next year and your mum decided to do her own thing. She can go for a meal on another day.

I think what Lonnie suggests is perfect.

My sister too is like a heat seeking missile when it comes to attention - I just ignore it all now so sassybeast's suggestion is good too. The more you pander, the worse she will get.

susitwoshoes · 20/09/2010 13:39

I actually think you need to address this with your sister, and as she is such an egotistical, self-absorbed little brat, you need to do it in capitals, 10 feet high. Tell her that she is taking advantage of your mother's kind nature, she is selfish and childish, and if she expects anyone to give a toss about any celebration of hers in years to come then she'll be there with a big smile on her face, making a fuss of your mum along with you. And that a big present won't make up for her non-appearance. And (cos I'm a cow Grin) I'd be having words with her DP too, who's hardly coming out of this smelling of roses.

getabloodygrip · 20/09/2010 13:44

Tell her to get stuffed?

Have major sister issues myself and this would be my dream scenario, telling sister to go fuck herself and get a bloody grip! And then NOT having her spoil my evening by her self-enforced absence. I am willing such a situation to present itself to me....

Yeeeee-haaa. Can I act it out on your behalf? If you need a stand in to knock your sister into shape, I will gladly put myself forward at no cost to your good self.

My Sister shared her 30th birthday with my DD being born, guess what got talked about more!?!?!?!?!? FUCK HER!!!!! Of all the sodding days, I was just willing that baby to stay put for another 12 hours. It was not to be. And she never bloody shuts up about it now.

proudnglad · 20/09/2010 13:48

What's the point of confronting her and telling her she's 'a self absorbed little brat, selfish...childish' etc.

It will end in tears, probably for OP's poor mum who will dragged into it.

Moreover, someone this selfish won't get it anyway and will no doubt go into 'poor innocent little me' meltdown.

I guess you've replied to her text now MsSparke? I would have advised you not to reply to it at all. That would have spoken volumes. Then when she text 'did you receive my last text' you text back 'yes'.

You sound lovely and caring anyway, so I'm sure your ma will have a great birthday.

susitwoshoes · 20/09/2010 13:55

Because she is?!! And someone like that isn't going to pick up on a more subtle approach, are they? I dunno, I just think that their mum will be sad on the day that one of her daughters isn't there. And as she sounds like a gentle, self-effacing lady who isn't going to push it, I just feel if it was me that I'd damn well push it. I would say to the sister that either she rings her mum saying she's changed her mind and is looking forward to being there, or she can accept that whilst her mum will never say anything to her deep down she'll be distressed, and that her sister will certainly never put her before their mum again. And that includes her 30th, 40th and whatever other major birthday they will celebrate together. Because this will just happen again otherwise, on her 70th.

I'm probably being very naive, thank god there's no-one like this in my family, but I couldn't just leave it at that.

trainsandplanes · 20/09/2010 14:04

Here's what I would do...before you think of it as rolling over, consider that it is passive agressively killing her with kindness.

I would phone your mum, ask if she would mind having her 60th dinner the previous/next day to her birthday so that your sister can come. Then her brattish behaviour will be totally exposed.

Anyway, if I was the 60yo, I'd want both my DCs there and would rearrange the day so that it could happen. I wouldn't care if it wasn't the "right" day.

It's sad really though. My DS shares a birthday with my DB. My DB is really happy about it and we have been out for family meals all together.

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/09/2010 14:13

Yes, is 60th's aren't significant enough then a 30th has got no chance ...

sue52 · 20/09/2010 14:23

Of course your Mums 60th takes priority. Your sister is being selfish and rude. If I was in your situation, I would have to let my sister know what I thought of her attitude.

newwave · 20/09/2010 14:23

She needs a verbal slap, I would call her and say "Pity you cannot for once put mum ahead of yourself, still I am not suprised you never have".

As for HER wedding I would be booking a holiday on that date.

nickelbabe · 20/09/2010 15:45

Has anyone pointed out to your sis that your mum having to go through labour and birth on her own birthday is enough of a reason that she should be making a fuss of her mother who looked after her, cared for her and helped her grow up?

i wouldn't be able to contain myself if a sister of mine tried that, i swear!

gtamom · 20/09/2010 16:48

YANBU, your sister is being VU! What a self centered brat! She should be ashamed of herself, to let her mother down like this. How low can a person get.

I agree to ask her if the fact that she doesn't think a 60th birthday is important, nobody will bother with her 30th next year.
Which she wouldn't be having by the way, if your mother had not given birth to her.

mumeeee · 20/09/2010 16:51

YANBU. She is being selfish and should come to your Mums 60th celebration. But I would say oh sorry you can't come and then just get on with organising things for your Mum.

prozacfairy · 20/09/2010 17:02

YANBU that is very selfish of her, especially as your mum has let her bask in the limelight for every other birthday.

You should tell her that she is being a thoughtless madam and as it's your mum's 60th it would be a huge shame that all her family wont be around her for that one day.

As an aside to MsSparkle I know someone a few years back who scrimped and saved for her wedding to her longtime partner (they had 3 DC by this time) and grandly announced their wedding date and where it was all booked for... only for her own sister to announce a week later she too was getting married the same day, the other side of town to a guy she had known 4 months. Shock Poor sister number one didn't get her deposit back on the wedding she then had to cancel and her sister's marriage lasted a total of 3 months. Shock

lazycow007 · 20/09/2010 17:16

My DMom and DBro share a birthday and it was DM's 70th last year. My DB didn't bat an eyelid and let DM take centre stage (DM has always taken a backseat so my DB could have his day) which was how he should have been so i am aghast at your sis and her total selfishness on this special day. Did this happen on your DM's 50th and 40th too?

You def need to speak up on this accasion as your DM obviously panders to her and won't say anything, and have a word with your DDad too.

So so shocked by this BTW!Shock

Rockbird · 20/09/2010 17:21

I have the same birthday as my mother (and her mother!) and we have always juggled birthdays. When I was a kid I took precedence, then when I hit about 18 my mum did. Now it's fairly equal unless one of us has a big birthday. I love sharing a birthday with her, would never ever argue over the limelight, it's pathetic.

I would let your sister do her own thing but make bloody sure that you were booked up doing something for your mum's 61st next year and oh dear, can't make your 30th, sorry!

piratecat · 20/09/2010 17:28

honestly, just ignore her now, don't even bother with the 'why are you doing this or being like this' even if you want to have again.

silence is golden !!

let her rot in her selfish decision. what a madam.