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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to consider a Catholic Baptism for my baby?

113 replies

mothermary · 18/09/2010 21:28

Dh and I were brought up as Catholics.

We have not been to church for years, did not get married in the church. We both received what I would terms a good education.

I was wondering about baptising my baby as it would suit grandparents and because I understand that it could help with getting into a good school in the UK.

Would it mean that when it comes to school we would have to show some attendance record at church?

Are the Catholic Schools in the UK generally good ones?

My DH thinks we should not do this because of the fact they do not allow women priests, the extremely poor attitude towards women, the sex abuse scandal as well as the attitude towards homosexuality.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 18/09/2010 21:30

If you don't agree with it and you're not going to bring your baby up Catholic then yes YABU.

TheSistersGrim · 18/09/2010 21:31

May I present you with my first Biscuit

Habbibu · 18/09/2010 21:31

Do you want your child to grow up Catholic? If not, then don't. Let the child decide when it's old enough.

Faaamily · 18/09/2010 21:32

Yes you will have to attend church.

In some areas RC schools are very good, but not everywhere.

Personally, I think you should think very carefully before committing to any religion, but especially one as conservative and strict as Catholicism, just to get your child into a good school. It is a big commitment.

Original poster
mothermary · 18/09/2010 21:32

Has anyone out there done such a thing for the education of their child?

OP posts:
borderslass · 18/09/2010 21:32

we bowed to pressure and had ours baptised brought them up catholic BUT have been to church twice since dd2 [14] made her communion after I had a huge bust up with the priest.

FellatioNelson · 18/09/2010 21:33

The faith you were both given as children is clearly not that important to either of you, so don't bother. Far better to let your child decide for themselves when they are old enough to comprehend what it means.

ZZZenAgain · 18/09/2010 21:34

your dh isn't happy about it, what do you personally feel about it?

Original poster
mothermary · 18/09/2010 21:34

What was the bust up about?

I suppose part of me knows I can not do it - I can not really bring up my baby to be a catholic when they are so shocking in their treatment of women can I? As a mum I can't really do that - let my baby be a member of an organisation that no women could be head of?

OP posts:
borderslass · 18/09/2010 21:35

Bringing my son who has special needs to church he didn't agree with it.

MrsMoosickle · 18/09/2010 21:36

YABU and you are being ridiculous. Why oh why would opinion here even factor in your choices for your child?

Faaamily · 18/09/2010 21:37

We baptised our first child to placate DH's family. I went to catechism classes for 6 months and considered becoming RC myself (DH is a fairly lapsed Catholic).

It didn't work out. We didn't baptise our second child ans our oldest didn't take his First Communion. We haven't sent them to RC school, either. I realised eventually that I just don't believe in some of the central tenets of the religion, and I despise much of the way the church is run, particularly how male dominated it is.

It was stupid of us to baptise our first child for the reasons we did. regret it now. I am also really glad we didn't educate our child in a RC church. My personal opinions are so contrary to the religion it would have been quite confusing for our children, I think.

plonker · 18/09/2010 21:37

You sound like you've answered your own question mothermary

ZZZenAgain · 18/09/2010 21:37

you have to know your own mind mm. I don't think anyone can tell you what to do wrt religion

If you feel pretty much the same as your dh, it makes little sense to me tbh to go down that route

Original poster
mothermary · 18/09/2010 21:38

I am sorry to hear that Borderslass. Shock

OP posts:
PaulineCampbellJones · 18/09/2010 21:38

The church are very wise to the school issue. Simply being baptised doesn't automatically get you a place any more. If you don't attend then you would probably also need to have some sort of baptism preparation class too.
Cannot see why you would want to do it - remember the issues that your DH disagrees with will be imposed upon your child throughout their school life if you send them to an RC school.

solo · 18/09/2010 21:38

So basically, you only want the Catholic baptism to get the child into a Catholic school? Well, you will need to get used to attending mass and being more involved with the Catholic church :)

Faaamily · 18/09/2010 21:39

How interesting. I also found the attitude of all three of our local RC churches (priests, lay people, much of the snotty congregation) towards my Asperger's son totally intolerant and horrible. He wasn't physically or otherwise profoundly disabled, so he didn't garner their pity/sympathy/a trip to Lourdes. He was just seen as badly behaved, despite me explaining over and over what the 'problem' was.

Such Christians, those Priests Hmm

gremlins · 18/09/2010 21:41

It's that age old catholicism thing of being cathloic even when you're not (Dara from MOTW anyone?)

I baptised DS as Catholic as it was the right thing to do for both sides, but I followed through (got a bible, took him to church etc) and he loves the religion now.

How do you intend to raise the baby? Within the confines of the religion or not? If not then YABU imo.

Original poster
mothermary · 18/09/2010 21:41

I think I probably have - I think the risks of being a catholic outlay the benefits. I think some of the teachings of the church would be just too far out for my liking.

I would be interested in hearing from anyone who did allow their children to be brought up as Catholics just for the purposes of securing a good school.

OP posts:
Original poster
mothermary · 18/09/2010 21:54

FAaamily - sounds horrid.

Gremlins - I am unsure about what to do from a spiritual / religious perspective.

Solo - I felt that often the church did use many volunteers, especially the devout ones. I got to know my Parish Priest well and I thought he was incredibly lonely.

Having been to church every week for about 20 or more years of my life - I suppose I just came to the conclusion that a great deal of it was rubbish (I remember a priest talking about menstruation during one mass) and anti-women. I know there is a thread on cognitive dissonance and I suppose I would have Cognitive DIssonance big-time to be female and be a Catholic.

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 18/09/2010 22:00

investigate the school you have in mind a bit more closely, check out the parish church, think it through, is it for you or not

AMumInScotland · 18/09/2010 22:01

I think you need to realise that you wouldn't be able to just "allow your child to be brought up as Catholic" - you would have to actively bring them up as a Catholic yourself. Which is tricky when you don't believe in it or go to church!

borderslass · 18/09/2010 22:01

Most catholic schools have to take a percentage of none catholics anyway now, as they are funded by the state not the church.

Original poster
mothermary · 18/09/2010 22:04

See AMumInScotland - when I was brought up a Catholic I knew plenty of other children whose parents allowed them to be brought up Catholic?? So I do not see what you are saying?

Also it is going back a bit but at my very good Catholic School - it was definately a minority of the class that went to church regularly (apart from school masses). I figured their parents had just got them into the Catholic School.

OP posts: