AIBU to consider a Catholic Baptism for my baby?

[mothermary]

Dh and I were brought up as Catholics.

We have not been to church for years, did not get married in the church. We both received what I would terms a good education.

I was wondering about baptising my baby as it would suit grandparents and because I understand that it could help with getting into a good school in the UK.

Would it mean that when it comes to school we would have to show some attendance record at church?

Are the Catholic Schools in the UK generally good ones?

My DH thinks we should not do this because of the fact they do not allow women priests, the extremely poor attitude towards women, the sex abuse scandal as well as the attitude towards homosexuality.

My ds did go a Catholic school, we are not Catholic.

I thought the education there would be better, i was wrong.

Custardo - this was given to me by a teacher who is in the know and who knows me well.

But regardless, this has been my experience to date. I'm not a christian but my dh is a rc and we were married in rc (not in england and I had a dispensation).

My view at the outset was that I was not into the rituals - but if ds loved christ it would make sense for him to be baptised as rc (I have a protestant father). So, to help this along I thought it good to give ds a catholic experience given his rc father did nothing - so I tried to get ds into a rc playgroup. I tried three and they were incredulous that I had a child of rc background but not baptised and so couldn't he attend a rc playgroup as a BABY as a non baptised rc. This is inspite of my arguing that he should try before he buys etc.

In the end the only christian group I oculd get him into was a protestant church group who said basically 'so what - if you want your dc to attend a christian group that's fine - you take it as far as you want and if you want him eventually to be baptised as as an rc that's fine as he's a christian'.

So I went there and it was welcoming and great.

Well, just last night I was explaining to ds about the guy he saw in white robes in the pope mobile and all the madonnas we have on each wall (for dh and his mum's benefit) - ds said - fine - I don't believe.

I've bent over backwards to get ds into something I don't believe. I did it with optimism and love. Last night ds told me that ds doesn't believe and I firmly believe it's because he wasn't welcome because the rc love for children is highly conditional.

I've done my best - the church has failed.

Oddly - my ds is now interested in all the non christian gods my mum has in her home- possibly as her love and religion appear, to ds, unconditional.

I personally don't care but I think it's telling that we've been told by churches that ds is not welcome unless baptised and the same by schools - so, as it stands, my understanding is that a child with a rc background but unbaptised has the least chance of getting into an rc school.

Maybe that's for the best (I don't know for sure obviously) but unless some educational experts from schools can tell me otherwise I will continue to think that my son is discriminated against solely as he a rc background non baptised kid.

But, again, I don't care really as he's a great and moral kid.

It's nothing to do with not welcome. It's because of the high competition caused by people doing what the op is considering doing. They have to have those rules in place to ensure that the places go to practising Catholics and not just those who fancy a different education for their children but have no interest in the school's ethos.

It bugs the hell out of me that despite being a member of the church community for years, being baptised, brought up and married in the Catholic church, being involved in the church, doing teas and coffees, helping with events, parish council etc, all because, as a Catholic, that's what I do, DD doesn't have a snowball's chance of getting into the required school unless I fill out a poxy little form every week to say we've been there. I spent half an hour chatting to the school liaison nun this morning. But if I'd forgotten to fill the form in, this week would have been marked as missing. And that's all because of people trying to work the system. So forgive me if I'm not sympathetic to those seeking advice on how to sneak their way in.

But, having said all that, there is a world of difference between the sneaks and non Catholics who go to the school, tell them how it is and see what their chances are of being accepted into the school as a non Catholic. I have no problem with non Catholics attending Catholic school, not at all. But I have an issue with lying and cheating.

Rockbird - I disagree re the welcome. I've seen it throughout my time with a catholic partner/dh.

These people at the end of the phone at churches where INCREDULOUS at the fact that I was asking for my son because he had a catholic background but was not yet baptised. They didn't seem to think that the fact that I was not a christian but yet so respectful and married to a rc in his religion a consideration.

They couldn't understand us, particularly in the most multicultural city on the planet.

I found this during my marriage also. I bent over backwards for the 10 week marriage course. I even survived the priest who announced that women only married for money and liked sex with animals and who reckoned that all men are abusive to women. Not nice.

Given my experience I'm so happy that my ds isn't baptised and when he now says he doesn't believe, I'm not searching for reasons why he should be part of this faith. But I do my best.

My aunt from Mumbai was asking me if I wanted ds to go to a temple. I said no, leave it. She just said that any religion was good and it was a global voice.

Can you honestly say that a catholic would make great efforts to get my ds to understand and love a non catholic religion. I'd be surprised if they did in my experience.

Very surprised.

So negative side from my experience is that ds won't get a 'great' catholic education. But the upshot is that he'll be properly educated in the global society and he'll do well.

Sorry for the rant but I'm really shocked at the attitude of a religion both here and in Italy that promised me the world but has been nothing but bigoted and exlusive.

Having said thaat, I'm happy that the Pope has been in the UK to satisfy his UK subjects etc. It doesn't bother me. Just happy my son is now going to be bought up in love and proper education and he'll do well - I know it.

But those of you that can get into a catholic school - good on you. Sure your kids will do well. As will my ds.

That's fair enough, obviously I don't know your experience. All I know is my experience and the welcome that my non Catholic DH has had. But your nutter of a priest isn't representative of the priesthood at large any more than the abusive tossers are.

Can you honestly say that a catholic would make great efforts to get my ds to understand and love a non catholic religion. I'd be surprised if they did in my experience.

Not sure what you mean by that tbh?

Rockbird - for me that includes about 4 nutty priests. But they aren't nutty - they are representing their religion in my view.

I've bent over backwarkds to get married in the catholic faith and get my ds a catholic education (by education, I mean preschool experience with no thoughts of catholic school - we're talking love of Jesus). We've been rejected at every turn - I'm talking many priests in two countries.

I've never met a catholic who has tried to understand or respect my religious background. What bit of that do you not understand.

So I've given up trying with catholics to be honest. I've been trying for 8 years.

But I'm still outwardly respectful of what catholics believe in even if it's not reciprocated.

Rockbird I'm afraid I fail utterly to see why baptised Catholic children (or those of any other particular religion) should have priority over non-Catholic children in any state funded school. You are having to sign the register every week at church because of an unjust admissions system, not for any other reason.

And Custardo, no there is no legal requirement for non-Catholic quotas. All the RC schools around here contain 100% baptised Catholic children.

I feel sorry for the parents who are catholics who didn't get their kids into catholic school just because they weren't visible enough at church. And those who were lapsed catholics who got their kids in because their priest was from their country of origin.

In terms of schools it tells me all I need to know. We'd have failed even if ds was baptised.

The way things are going my kid will never be baptised because he wants to be. He'll never want to be as he'll never be welcomed,because of me.

giveitago, I didn't know what you meant by that sentence, no need to get arsey, I was just asking you to clarify not picking a fight .

Zephirine, guess what? As a Catholic I pay taxes as well. In addition the school is part funded by the church and the church owns the land and the building. So you might be paying, but I'm paying twice. So when non Catholics start paying into the collection plate as well, then come whinging about it.

No rockbird - I'm not picking a fight.

And just on the point of my 10 week marriage class - every non christian was highly offended by being told to state their religion and being told it was a 'nil'.

That was almost of half of us.Based on that it's a religion that welcomes people getting married but at the same time it calls us 'nil'. To me it's not a religion that marries well in the Uk. Scuse the pun.

I'm not picking a fight - I don't care about catholicism that much except for the fact my ds has been rejected to date. Not such a bad thing maybe unless ds decides it's for him.

Rockbird, the state provides 100% of the running costs and 90% of the capital costs. The contribution of the church is tiny and in no way justifies allowing VA schools to systematically discriminate in their admissions policies.

Zephir - but I think the properties are owned by the religious institutions. Not quite sure but I think their initial investment it large.

My personal view is that great if you can't get in if that's your wish, but there are more and religious schools which means the rest of us has less choice.

I went to a Catholic all girls school which was quite liberal. The emphasis was on doing good work in the community and while there was a mass every month or so, and for religious holidays, it wasn't a huge part of every day school life.

So, was a bit surprised that our local Catholic primary has virtually every lesson prefaced with, 'god' and how the children are learning through God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

This is fine, but if one is thinking of trying to get one's children into a Catholic school, don't be too surprised if they are, um, very Catholic from the start.

Also, it should be kept in mind that Catholic schools stem from the Catholic community. In other words, the school is an extension of the Church and community with its purpose to educate the children of that parish, rather than a school for the non religious community.