AIBU to consider a Catholic Baptism for my baby?

[mothermary]

Dh and I were brought up as Catholics.

We have not been to church for years, did not get married in the church. We both received what I would terms a good education.

I was wondering about baptising my baby as it would suit grandparents and because I understand that it could help with getting into a good school in the UK.

Would it mean that when it comes to school we would have to show some attendance record at church?

Are the Catholic Schools in the UK generally good ones?

My DH thinks we should not do this because of the fact they do not allow women priests, the extremely poor attitude towards women, the sex abuse scandal as well as the attitude towards homosexuality.

I was in your position a few years ago. I couldn't do it in the end, but I don't think it's necessarily a terrible idea. Everyone does it around here, where there is quite a stark difference between the RC and community schools. The voluntary aided Catholic schools do tend to get rather better results than their community school counterparts, particularly in areas of high social deprivation, largely because the most socially deprived and disconnected families whose children are likely to struggle with school are not the ones going to church every Sunday and making themselves known to the priest. It's a nasty divisive system, but it's the one we've got.

It is a difficult decision on several levels though. As an ex-Catholic, while you might have no doubts about your reasons for lapsing, when you have children you inevitably think about your own childhood and in some ways look to that for a template. If Catholicism was part of that, it can feel as though something important is missing if you don't include it in your children's lives, whatever you may think about it rationally. Couple that with the suspicion that by not returning to the church you may be damaging their educational prospects, and you have a fairly tricky dilemma. I hope you come to a decision you are happy with anyway. Good luck.

realistically,the aspirational middle classes fake or embelish god botheration to get into schools

ZZZenAgain my last post sounded precious - I should not be offended by words on a screen, not a post on an anonymous forum!

Thank you for trying to choose a faith for me - but you need not to.

lol ok

No doubt about that scottishmummy

Glad I make you laugh

you do

indignant feetie stamping about trolls makes me laugh

ZephirineDrouhin thank you for your post.

I certainly never want to take my baby for granted but I sometimes wonder whether I should get my baby christened to give my baby the benefit of the doubt? Maybe it is a bit of the old catholic conditioning.

I do something think What if something happens to my baby? But then I do shake myself and tell myself to live in the present and enjoy and cherish the blessing that is my healthy gorgeous cuddly baby.

Just noticed this question mothermary:

"If the church school gets state funding, then how are they allowed to ensure Catholics get priority?"

Yeah, it's quite something isn't it? I'm guessing you haven't come across any of the faith school threads on here then

No, I am not from the UK and have only recently started thinking in terms of schooling and so on. I did not know there was a faith thread section.

Well yes it is the Catholic conditioning, but everyone is conditioned one way or another aren't they? You just have to work out what you are comfortable with.

But I've no advice. However, I'm sure there are liberal Catholics about who somehow square their faith with the rather more troublesome aspects of the church's teaching, behaviour and hierarchy. They would be the ones to ask.

Sorry - I keep x-posting

Good advice again ZephirineDrouhin.

ScottishMummy thanks for your words on the screen, I particularly like the term "God Botheration".

It mystifies 'me how otherwise sane people allow their small child to be taught alot of superstition and nonsense (in my view) - which they do not believe themselves- just to get into a certain school.

You are supporting a political organisation which denies women control over their bodies.

Mothermary I couldn't support an organisation which encourages women to have huge families thus enslaving both sexes to providing for them. DP's granny had five children, was very poor, and the priest would come round asking why she hadn't had more. Other women had 8-14 children. It isn't right.

Sorry haven't read the thread, but I've been in the OPs situation.

I was brought up Catholic, and am now a non believer. However, my grandmother, 82 years old, is a devout Catholic, and her religion gives her a great source of comfort and hope. She is also a balanced and reasoned person who also disagrees with some tenants of the catholic church...it's the God/Jesus thing that works for her. My best friend is the same...the church was her main support during some awful times, and she, in turn did lots of work supporting women in prisons as a result. She is still active in her church and it works for her in some important ways.

All that said, I made the decision to baptise my DS and DD in the church, with said best friend as their godmother. I wanted my grandmother to see her great grandchildren baptised, and the priest who performed the ceremony baptised me, my cousins, married my parents and has been a friend to our family for years (he actually died 6 months after the baptism).

I didn't do it so they would get into a good school, and my DH and I are still trying to decide how we're going to bring them up, but I am glad I did it, anyway.

I think you have to be very careful about putting a child through a catholic education if you're not a practising catholic yourself.

Your DCs will be taught things that you don't agree with, you don't support or you think are quite ridiculous. In some cases they can be quite hard-line.

You have to be sure that's the sort of education you want for your DCs

I think the bottom line has to be whether or not you believe in the basic concepts of the Catholic faith. If you don't, then baptising a child into that faith purely for school/family purposes is unfair and hypocritical. We gave this option a fleeting consideration as we are both extremely lapsed Catholics and have two of the best primary schools in the country near us - both Catholic schools. We decided almost immediately that we could not, in all conscience, go down that route.
The schools near us have incredibly tight admissions policy - while they technically admit non-Catholic children, that criteria is so far down the list behind siblings in the school, regular member of congregation, regular member of other congregation, special pastoral needs etc, that according to the stats, no non-Catholic child has been admitted in the last couple of years. In fact I have been told by a member of the relevant church that not every child who attends the church regularly will get into the school. You have to attend pretty much every Sunday and on special occasions and be seen as active in the church - there is even a register to sign each week. If your school is anything like this one your child would have to be actively practicing as a Catholic, not just going through the motions.
And lets just say that you get through the selection process - however cynical people may be, there are a lot of people out there who actively believe in the Catholic church and who want their child raised in that faith for genuine reasons - your child could be taking a school place from one of those children.
I attended a convent primary school (private school hence being admitted as a baptised but non-practicing Catholic) and I felt very marginalised because I wasn't actively involved in the faith at the heart of the school.
If you sign your child up to the Catholic faith then you have to be sure why you are doing it and what your expectations are. If you want to go through the motions in the hope of a school place then you are likely to finish up resentful, and your child may also finish up resentful. If you are intending for your child to actively embrace the Catholic faith, then you need to be pretty sure about it yourself. If you just want to dabble and occasionally attend church, then you will obviously have to be prepared for not getting a school place, not being particularly welcomed by the priest etc.
I have to say that I don't get the impression from your posts that this is anything other than a school issue. I don't think that is the right thing to do, but if you are going to do it then be prepared for doing it properly or your efforts ultimately going to waste.

Sorry - I meant that I went to a Catholic junior school, not a primary school. I went to an ordinary state primary school.

This is a joke, isn't it?

If the OP was brought up as a Catholic, then they'd know they were BU.

Or they were thick. Sorry, culpably ignorant.

The OP doesnt stand much chance around here even if does baptise and go to church as the schools my dc went to only take if parents are married in a church or have their marriage convalidated.

is it poss you have a sort of subconscious desire to go back to the church in spite of your beliefs? sounds daft i know but many catholics dont 'go along with it all' either ,there's more to it than that : what is your gut feeling on this?
BORDERS: I AM DISGUSTED TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE HAD TO PUT UP WITH : just remember 'they're not everybody' but i know that's easy for me to say : hopefully as people in general become more aware of the condition you'll have less stupidity and insufferable behaviour to put up with

ps i also meant to speak to FAAAMILY there- both from page 1

OP - if you consider yourself a catholic and your dh too - then no issues in bringing up your kid as a catholic, no?

Do it for the religious aspect rather than the schools - being a church going catholic is no guarantee of entry into a catholic school (although it helps).

My ds's dad is a rc - ds not baptised yet as I had the rather rosy viewed idea that IF ds liked the idea of jesus he could decide to be baptised. However I've been told by a teacher that unless ds baptised as a baby he'll never get into a catholic school.

No idea if this is true - if so it's sad as isn't it proof of a child's commitment if they are baptised when they decide to be?

No idea as, of course, I don't care, but isn't it sad that potentially a convert child can be excluded from a catholic school.

catholic schools have a quota of non cahos iirc. so that teacher is wrong ( i think) although if they are catholic it improves the chances - but yes, no guarentee