I am so glad that your friend didn't have anything to do with me when I was struggling to feed the dses - I was depressed enough as it was, I dread to think what would have happened if I'd come up against such judgementalism!
Ds1 had neonatal jaundice, and was in an incubator, under UV lights for days - and because his jaundice got worse not better after the first day or so, I was told he needed more fluids and I should supplement with a bottle. In hindsight, there might have been something else I could have done, but ther was no-one to suggest any other strategies. I couldn't have him on the breast all the time, because he needed the UV light treatment.
By the time we left hospital, my milk supply was almost non-existant, so I hired an NCT breast pump and pumped after every feed, for at least half an hour. On the first day of this, I expressed 4.5ml of milk. A week later, my entire day's output on day 7 was (drum roll) 4.5ml! At that point, I gave up and put ds1 fully on the bottle.
When ds2 was born, I was so determined to make breast feeding work, and he fed constantly - but despite this, at 6 weeks old, he had still not regained the 10oz he had lost from his birthweight, and during this time, the HV had been getting worried.
She was visiting almost daily, and telling me she wanted the baby to have put on at least an ounce by her next visit (which we never managed). When she raised the possibility of formula, I told her how committed I was to making breastfeeding work, and she told me that she had to think of the best interests of the child!! I told her how furious I was at the implication that I didn't care for my child's best interests, and threw her out of the house.
Then one day, ds2 developed some breathing difficulties, and I called the GP who sent us straight up to the hospital, where ds2 was admitted on IV antibiotics for a chest infection - but their real concern was his weight, not his chest infection - in fact, I heard them describing him as 'Failing To Thrive', which was a horrible thing to hear.
In the end, I started to supplement with formula, and he started to gain weight, and at that point he was allowed home, but I never got breastfeeding re-established, and he ended up fully formula fed. I tried cutting down the number and amount of formula feeds, but when I did, his weightgain slowed or stopped.
With ds3, I mixed fed from a very early stage - I fed him myself all day, and he had a formula feed at bedtime and one in the middle of the night, which gave me a chance for my supply to build up a bit. Again, though, if I tried to cut down on the formula feeds, he stopped gaining weight.
At least I managed to go on feeding him for nthree months, which was better than I managed with either of the others.
Each time, though, I felt like a total failure because I couldn't breastfeed - friends with babies of similar ages seemed to have no problems, and their babies thrived, so why couldn't I?
I had postnatal depression after each ds was born. I did have a tendency to depression already, but I am sure that my feelings of failure contributed to my having PND three times. I am pretty sure that I would have been even worse if I had had someone with views like your friend counselling me.
In fact, I hope that you will show this thread to your friend, so that she can see how much damage she can do by careless words. I would love to have a chance to tell her directly how careful she should be when dealing with women at an emotional and sometimes stressful time of their lives.