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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think in this case that homeschooling is for the benefit of the mother and not the child?

84 replies

bobdog · 16/09/2010 19:09

Bil's partner has always read ahead and firmly made her mind up in advance, so whilst pregnant she decided that co sleeping was the ONLY way to do it and 'if I have to give my baby formula at all, I'll have failed as a mother'. So we generally hear a lot of very strong opinions and a far bit of criticism of any other way.

Her DD should have started school (foundation) this september but has n't.

At recent family party it was the massive elephant in the room. The parents did n't talk to any one at all about it, not the retired primary headmistress, the primary teacher, the various parents with kids of all ages and to be honest we were all a bit scared to bring it up.

Unlike sleeping arrangemnts, weaning, potty training, etc starting school is surely an experience shared by your peers at a fixed time. Should I be worried for the child, I understand removing your child from the system once they've tried it and found it oes n't suit but is it usual never to try at all.

I also suspect that the mum is not cut out for home ed, she is very impatient with little ones.
They live in a posh part of the country with lots of lovely little primary schools so flick knives are n't a problem.

So AIBU to view this as a selfish parental political act ignoring the benefits for your child and just another act of aggressive, look at me behaviour in pursuit of a story book 'alternative' lifestyle?

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 16/09/2010 19:12

Ultimately it is her choice. Home Ed does suit some children very well and so long as the child is having interaction with other children elsewhere, why should it be a problem?

Eglu · 16/09/2010 19:12

Well, playing devils advocate here, since nobody dared ask her why her child has not started school you don't really know the reasons why she hasn't sent her. I think you need to ask her first.

HRHPrincessReality · 16/09/2010 19:13

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MrsGravy · 16/09/2010 19:14

Yes yabu. Ther are many reasons why people home school, its by no means just a reaction to problems at school or no good available schools. It is a legitimate lifestyle choice! Why would it be an 'elephant in the room' as if it is a dirty secret? Why should the mum feel she has to discuss it with anybody?

Anenome · 16/09/2010 19:14

There is a lot of negative feeing in the UK towards home education...for no reason that I can see other than fear of the unknown and the fear that our own choice to send our kids to school is being judged nagatively.

My children go to school...but that doesn't mean ALL children "should" as you put it.

She may have read a lot about it...done the research...chatted to other home educating parents.

YABU....because it's nothing to do with you...not your place to judge her choices...so what if she never brought it up at the party...why should anyone discuss their kids education at family events? I don't.

StarlightMcKenzie · 16/09/2010 19:17

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alicet · 16/09/2010 19:17

What is foundation? My son has started reception this year - haven't heard of foundation. If it is the year before (nursery) then I didn't send mine either. He went to private nursery 3 days a week as it suited us better.

Agree with the poster who says that since you haven't asked her reasons you can't really criticise or judge. Even though with her attitude of judging everyone else i can see this is tempting Grin

SmallShips · 16/09/2010 19:19

YABU. You've not asked her why she wants to home educate so keep your beak out.

SmallShips · 16/09/2010 19:20

think foundation is another name for reception.

fedupofnamechanging · 16/09/2010 19:21

It's up to each parent to decide on what they feel is the best way to bring up their child. Home Ed is a valid choice and it is her right to choose this for her child. She knows what suits her family better than you do. It wouldn't be for me but I am lucky enough to have fab local schools. She should try it if she wants as she can always opt into the school system later if she wants

LadyintheRadiator · 16/09/2010 19:22

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StreathamHillary · 16/09/2010 19:24

Children don't need to start school until Yr 1, maybe she doesn't feel her child is ready? In many areas the younger Reception intake start in January - maybe she will start then?

You have no idea about the reasons, the intentions, the plan, but you are just looking for a reason to prove her wrong. So YABU.

bobdog · 16/09/2010 19:25

Sorry meant reception, so will be 5 soon.

I certainly think home ed is not an easy decision, DP & I talked about it but decided that we would find it very, very hard work and actually could n't be as good as trained teachers.

I suspect that SiL is n't cut out for HEding and won't last long so is that really far on the child. My DD learnt so much in that reception year how to read, how to manage friendships, line up, cope at lunch time, etc..

Do HE children catch up quickly?

OP posts:
CheeseandGherkins · 16/09/2010 19:27

YABU and even more so to assume that school children would learn more and faster than a HE child! You are clearly biased. I believe HE children learn faster because they have more one to one time and don't need to spend 7 hours a day learning 2 things as opposed to a class of 30 children and one teacher. My children go to school btw.

bobdog · 16/09/2010 19:27

Thankyou did n't realise don't need to start to Year 1. Anyone any experience with their children slotting in at that point?

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bobdog · 16/09/2010 19:29

Sorry, badly put I mean the social side of things as much as ticking 'learning objectives'. In reception it's a soft start round here, lots of play, teddies on laps, etc.

OP posts:
ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 16/09/2010 19:31

YAB so incredibly U that I am startled.

Absolutely nothing at all wrong with HE from the start. It's not just for children who don't settle in school; there are lots and lots of huge advantages to HE. If the parent has the time and energy to do it then choosing to HE is an incredibly positive choice.

And if it were aggressive look at me behaviour, wouldn't she have mentioned it at the party? Not talking to anyone about it is unusual "look at me" behaviour, to say the least.

(disclaimer: mine are at/are going to school, so it's not as if I'm a home edder with a chip on my shoulder)

piscesmoon · 16/09/2010 19:32

Just keep well out of it! Trying to tell anyone else how to bring up DCs will end in tears-propably yours! It isn't worth it. Just be a friend to the DC.

StarlightMcKenzie · 16/09/2010 19:32

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thisisyesterday · 16/09/2010 19:32

you're being ridiculous

tbh you sound like you're very jealous of her for knowing what she wants and for going ahead and doing it.

why on eartyh shouldn't she HE??????

EdgarAllInPink · 16/09/2010 19:33

probably, like most people making decisions for their child, she believes this is in the childs best interest.

and i canthink of lof lots of reasons why she could be right. (learning to read is easier one-on-one for one thing)

Marjoriew · 16/09/2010 19:33

Many children who are home educated have never been to school.
For most of those parents, it's a lifestyle choice.
Children are home educated for a number of reasons.
I home educate my grandson who is now 11. He has been with me since he was and has only spent a matter of weeks in a reception class when he was 5.
She has a right to home ed her children without consulting you or anyone else.
Mind your own business.

FanjolinaJolie · 16/09/2010 19:35

Bobdog you have to start school the term after your fifth birthday.

TheButterflyEffect · 16/09/2010 19:35

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FanjolinaJolie · 16/09/2010 19:36

That is if you are delaying entry. If your child is summer born they can delay until the following year but will go into Y1 not reception, that is if the school is happy to hold the place for them.