to think in this case that homeschooling is for the benefit of the mother and not the child?

[bobdog]

Bil's partner has always read ahead and firmly made her mind up in advance, so whilst pregnant she decided that co sleeping was the ONLY way to do it and 'if I have to give my baby formula at all, I'll have failed as a mother'. So we generally hear a lot of very strong opinions and a far bit of criticism of any other way.

Her DD should have started school (foundation) this september but has n't.

At recent family party it was the massive elephant in the room. The parents did n't talk to any one at all about it, not the retired primary headmistress, the primary teacher, the various parents with kids of all ages and to be honest we were all a bit scared to bring it up.

Unlike sleeping arrangemnts, weaning, potty training, etc starting school is surely an experience shared by your peers at a fixed time. Should I be worried for the child, I understand removing your child from the system once they've tried it and found it oes n't suit but is it usual never to try at all.

I also suspect that the mum is not cut out for home ed, she is very impatient with little ones.
They live in a posh part of the country with lots of lovely little primary schools so flick knives are n't a problem.

So AIBU to view this as a selfish parental political act ignoring the benefits for your child and just another act of aggressive, look at me behaviour in pursuit of a story book 'alternative' lifestyle?

YABU. When is she 5. Children don't have to start school until the term after they are 5. Also differnt counties have different arrangements for children sarting school . Some have one intake during the year others have 2 or 3 intakes during the school year.

Very true Valhalla

The school my son went to (and which I took him out of) has one of the best Ofsted reports in our county. Means nothing.

I so have ishoooos with my SIL, but I keep my polite face on in company and only talk about health and the weather here its a different matter

I don't like being told that my children watching tv has obviously crushed their imagination or that NHS immunisations are wrong and that measles is mild (my uncle is deaf because of mild disease) hence our reluctance to bring the subject up it all gets a bit aggressive rather quickly.

So to ease my guilt, I post on here..

So how common is HE never having been to school?

If you change your mind/circumstances change do the kids slot into mainstream schools easily?
Do all HE's eat fruit shoots and fastfood?
Should the extended family ever say anything, personnaly I like it when people praise my kids and if my kids have problems I generally like to talk it through with family & friends is that weird?

But then complain about her judging you! Don't come on and judge her choices yourself!

HE is not common at all, of course, but that doesn't make it a wrong decision.

It's not weird to not want to discuss your choices with your family when they clearly have issues with your choices!

I only disuss HE problems with peopel I know understand it, otherwise I know they'll just say 'well send them to school then'.

So glad you aren't MY sil. It's very odd that you are so sure that your way is the only way. In fact, there is more than one way to bring up a child well.
My children were born in the uk, but when ds was school age we moved back to the US. In the UK my ds started nursery at the age of 3. They desperately tried to teach him to read and line up straight and his teachers couldn't understand why such a clever child was not succeeding at "school." In contrast, most people here in the USA don't start their children in Kindergarten (Reception) until they are 6. Because ds had already started in the UK, and because I was unaware before getting here that everyone else held their kids back, I put him into Kindergarten when he was 4 (turning 5 in November). He eventually did very well, but it was a long hard struggle with maturity (both mentally and physically) being the main problem.

I suspect your sil is being very wise by not starting her 4 year old in school.

NotAnotherBrick I am here to discuss HE problems ith people who understand it, unfortunately I did n't just ask the questions ,I posted about the individual thinking that would make it easier to explain.

I think most people set off with a plan but change it according to what happens so you say eg. I would like a home birth rather my SIL who says I WILL have a HB and anything else is a failure.

I think I need to work on clarifying my OP, many of you have rightly passionatly defended HE and I did not need to be convinced of that.

The UK are the only country in europe to start teaching (or trying) to teach literacy and numeracy at age 4. In other countries it is begun at 7. These are all countries with far higher literacy rates and exam results than the UK. Coincidence? I think not.

In my sons case being forced to try and learn things he was not ready/capable of learning has badly damaged his self esteem and sense of self as he did not read and write when he was "supposed" to He was also made fun of by the other children for recieving extra "help".

He is a very clever, sweet natured and affectionate child. When we are out/on holiday strangers often come up to me to compliment me on my childrens good behaviour....I actually think its normal for children to say "please" and "thank you" and behave well in restaurants etc but obvioulsy not!

HE is much more common in the US than here but then again the US is a much bigger country!

Figures for the UK are difficult to obtain as there is no legal requirement to inform the LA that you are HE. I did, by choice, as ds1 had already been in the education system.

I am pretty evangelical about HE I have seen
such huge benefits to my chidren and to me, however, school is great for some children...not for others. This "one size fits all" mentality really depresses me, especially when applied to education.

Get on with your life, OP, and let your SIl get on with hers.

bobdog - from your last post, can I assume that you don't have children? Because I know a lot of the choices we make as parents seem absolutely bonkers to people who aren't or who were parents of young children a very long time ago.

And if you're not a parent, you really are in no position to judge her for how snappy or otherwise she is. Sorry, I know that sounds horribly patronising but I am snappy with my DC in company where I am the only parent of a small child because I am horribly aware of how badly behaved it's possible for a 2/3/4 year old to appear to someone who isn't used to being around them all the time.

Apologies if I have totally got the wrong end of the stick here.

It can be hard when you are an experienced parent and a new parent (or parent to be) starts evangelising about what they are going to do/have done. Perhaps her criticism of you/your parenting decisions is due to her feeling (rightly as it turns out) you do not approve of her or her parenting?????

The thing to rememeber is that is really doesnt matter unless you have concerns that the child/ren in question are being mistreated/there is a child protection issue.

From your post, I dont feel that is the case here, so as I said, smile politely, nod at the right moments and get on with your life.