to think in this case that homeschooling is for the benefit of the mother and not the child?

[bobdog]

Bil's partner has always read ahead and firmly made her mind up in advance, so whilst pregnant she decided that co sleeping was the ONLY way to do it and 'if I have to give my baby formula at all, I'll have failed as a mother'. So we generally hear a lot of very strong opinions and a far bit of criticism of any other way.

Her DD should have started school (foundation) this september but has n't.

At recent family party it was the massive elephant in the room. The parents did n't talk to any one at all about it, not the retired primary headmistress, the primary teacher, the various parents with kids of all ages and to be honest we were all a bit scared to bring it up.

Unlike sleeping arrangemnts, weaning, potty training, etc starting school is surely an experience shared by your peers at a fixed time. Should I be worried for the child, I understand removing your child from the system once they've tried it and found it oes n't suit but is it usual never to try at all.

I also suspect that the mum is not cut out for home ed, she is very impatient with little ones.
They live in a posh part of the country with lots of lovely little primary schools so flick knives are n't a problem.

So AIBU to view this as a selfish parental political act ignoring the benefits for your child and just another act of aggressive, look at me behaviour in pursuit of a story book 'alternative' lifestyle?

It is not that unusual to HE right from the start - there are a fair few Mumsnetters who have done this- and from what I understand it can work out very well indeed. You don't have to be at school to socialise: there are lots of meets and groups for HEd children where they can meet up with others, and of course they can socialise by joining sports clubs, and drama clubs and doing music, and just by playing with local children after school hours.

I'm getting more and more annoyed as I read on.

YABIncrediblyU. And judgemental. Why the feck should she answer to you? No, "extended family" does NOT give you the right to question her choices as a parent.

FWIW I have HE'd my DDs. Neither went to nursery/pre-school. DD1 didn't set foot in a school until she was nearly 6. She has had no trouble settling in and integrating with her peers despite sometimes being HE and sometimes being state school educated.

I shout at my kids, I'm short tempered and quick to criticise. But you know what? My kids consistantly get complimented for their exceptional knowledge, which is wider and deeper than that provided by the NC.

And as for "alternative lifestyles", please, don't make me laugh. This sometime HE mother is a down to earth, working class, non PC, formula feeding, non co-sleeping, eco-friendly-cynical-of average Jane Bloggs. My reason for HE was simple - access to nothing but shit state schools! No "special reasons", just a desire to give my DC a decent education. It does happen you know!

Oh, and Scurry, the woman won't need to satisfy the LA that she is competent to HE any more than you need to satisfy them that you are competent to parent during non school hours. It is doen to the LA to prove that she isn't or to go away, respect her decision and leave her alone, advice the OP might be wise to take too.

Thanks Cory.

Becaroo, glad to hear ds1 is thriving, I think that we would HE if let down by the system but still a hard choice to make and then carry out. Do you find that many of the other HE's are 'alternative' or is it fruit shoots all round?

Hey, Valhalla, don't hold back, eh?:):):)

Hiya alternative lifestyle Marjorie! :o

I'm sorry, but... honestly.... !!

YABVU

How can you be so judgemental about someone just because they make choices that are different to yours?

Most people don't co-sleep because they 'fancy it', they do it because they actually believe, from all they've read, that it's in their baby's best interests. Same with all the things you've mentioned.

You are being extremely unkind to suggest that she's making these decisions because she's selfish; and no wonder she said nothing at the party if she thought you all thought about her the way you just wrote about her.

I home educate, but my mum is a primary school teacher and is one of our greatest supporters...along with my secondary school teacher uncle...and my psychotherapist FIL.

There is heaps and heaps of reasons why home education can be, for some children, a million times better and more efficient than a school education.

Get your beak out of her life and learn a few facts before you judge.

Sorry Vallala hope you've not gone blue in the face. I'm all for a bit of balance on the eco stuff it's SIL that will only allow organic presents for the baby.

Sil is n't faced with shit schools it's a choice between outstanding and outstanding, for her I think it is a lifestyle choice that I think she will grow weary of so...

But even if HEing is merely a narcisstic little hobby and the DC ends up at school next week or next year, what's the problem?

My sister went to a very laid-back hippyish alternativish school for reception, before my parents changed their minds and sent her to very traditional school for Year 1. It took her a few weeks to get the hang of sitting still on the mat and not having music and art and drama every day, but academically and socially she did absolutely fine at both schools.

So let her try it, and see what happens!

Thanks everyone, I'm posting on here because I don't want to upset her in Real life, thats why I'm asking you - it's kind of safer to play out the conversation with people who HE/ don't HE & have kids experincing both.

Bobdog, why is any of this your business? Why do you care whether she co-sleeps, breastfeeds, homeschools or only has organic? She's not on crack - leave the poor woman alone and stop judging her.

Vallhala, my idea of 'alternative' is whether to have a MaccieD or a KFC?:)

It's a bit knackering at my age but grandson loves being HE and I love doing it.

On the estate where we live, we are called 'weird' 'snobs' and various other gems because we HE.

bobdog - I still don't understand why it bothers you so much? Are you feeling defensive about the choices you've made for your children? Underneath all this, is it making you question whether you made the right choices and you're covering it up quickly with judgements about your SIL?

Seriously, you need to really think about why the hell her doing things differently to you is having such an effect on you.

heheheheheh.......

Know what? Some people do what your SIL does because of a sincere desire to do what they believe is best for their child.

their child.

Not yours.

I get the impression you have "ishoos" with your SIL, no?

Oh, and round of applause to valhalla!

I also shout at my children but...get this...they also get complimented on how brilliantly they behave, how much they know about the world, how polite and pleasant and kind they are and, they really, really want to be home educated.

Having a short temper does not make you a crap mum.

....fruit shoots all the way baby!!!

"Bil's partner has always read ahead and firmly made her mind up in advance, so whilst pregnant she decided that sleeping in a separate room from her baby was the ONLY way to do it and 'if I breastfeed my baby at all, I'll have felt like a cow and been shunned by my friends'. So we generally hear a lot of very strong opinions and a far bit of criticism of any other way.

Her DD should have started officially being home educated (like my children) this september but has n't - she's in school instead.

At recent family party it was the massive elephant in the room. The parents did n't talk to any one at all about it, not her mum who home educated them, her sister who home educates her children, the various parents with kids of all ages who home educate and to be honest we were all a bit scared to bring it up.

Unlike sleeping arrangemnts, weaning, potty training, etc home education is surely an experience shared by your peers at a fixed time. Should I be worried for the child, I understand putting your child into the system once they've tried HE and found it doesn't suit but is it usual never to try at all.

I also suspect that the mum is not cut out for schooling, she is very impatient with little ones, and will probably yell at them all morning to get ready and all evening to get htem to do their homework.
They live in a posh part of the country with lots of lovely home ed groups so meeting up with othe rchildren isn't a problem.

So AIBU to view this as a selfish parental political act ignoring the benefits for your child and just another act of aggressive, look at me behaviour in pursuit of a story book 'alternative' lifestyle?"

My sister's children go to school. Somehow, I manage not to take this as a sign that she is mental, or selfish, even though I would never send mine unless they wanted to.

Please, please take a step back and see how unreasonable you are being.

NAB

....that made me snort fruit shoot through my nose I laughed so much!!! [ginr]

Bobdog, not blue of face, just red of nose (stinking cold!).

TBH, and this will pee off those who opt for schools, especially state ones, but imho it doesn't matter how outstanding a local state school is, it's only able to teach the same subjects as the nearby sink estate school. So it does that well? So what! A HE parent can teach a child SO much more than he will ever learn within the constraints of the NC.

I don't HE atm, for health/personal/work/financial reasons but I may well end up doing so again. If my personal circumstances changed for the better I wouldn't hesitate to HE again... it's not always just about the quality of available schools.

I still dont understand why you mind so much...yes she may grow weary of her choice.
Or she may not. Children are adaptable and will cope whatever the final outcome.

But why does any of this matter to you ? Why do you want vindication of your point of vies ? It's like saying "I've painted my dining room red, why on earth would anyone want to paint theirs blue ?" A totally illogical and uncompelling argument.

Not surprised there was an atmosphere recently between all of you. The poor woman probably sensed the disapproval and total lack of understanding that any other decision could ever be reasonable.

Hang in there, Vallhala. I told you before, it will all come good in end, you'll see.
Don't let the buggers get you down:)