to think in this case that homeschooling is for the benefit of the mother and not the child?

[bobdog]

Bil's partner has always read ahead and firmly made her mind up in advance, so whilst pregnant she decided that co sleeping was the ONLY way to do it and 'if I have to give my baby formula at all, I'll have failed as a mother'. So we generally hear a lot of very strong opinions and a far bit of criticism of any other way.

Her DD should have started school (foundation) this september but has n't.

At recent family party it was the massive elephant in the room. The parents did n't talk to any one at all about it, not the retired primary headmistress, the primary teacher, the various parents with kids of all ages and to be honest we were all a bit scared to bring it up.

Unlike sleeping arrangemnts, weaning, potty training, etc starting school is surely an experience shared by your peers at a fixed time. Should I be worried for the child, I understand removing your child from the system once they've tried it and found it oes n't suit but is it usual never to try at all.

I also suspect that the mum is not cut out for home ed, she is very impatient with little ones.
They live in a posh part of the country with lots of lovely little primary schools so flick knives are n't a problem.

So AIBU to view this as a selfish parental political act ignoring the benefits for your child and just another act of aggressive, look at me behaviour in pursuit of a story book 'alternative' lifestyle?

OK, I think she loves the idea of the HE but personal opinion, I don't think she'll be very good at it. She shouts at the kids, is quick to tell them off but slow to praise. Is 'faddy' about many things so is this the latset hobby that will shortly be dropped?

Some of our friends do successfully HE but have done only after problems with the schools none from reception.

I'm posting on here because I want a range of opinions so please tell me about your experience with HE/reception/fitting in later.
We thought the kids looked rather quiet and sad at the party and clung to Daddy alomost the whole time. I wandered whether school would give everyone a break and whether it would be in the childs interests for the extended family to speak up.

Ya...the ability to line up and eat in a cafeteria is hardly going to make a child grow up to win the Nobel Prize anyway is it? Monkeys can do that after a little edcucation.

In my daughters year one class there was a child who had never been to a nursery or reception class and she...unlike the other kids...could already read, write and do addition. She slotted in like she she had ben there all along.

Tbh I think kids make new friends easily until the age of around 10 or 11...when they really get into their own "gang"...so keeping a child out for even 4 years would not really affect them as long as they socialise.

Does your friend know you are on here slagging her off and calling her parenting/education choices into question?
Some friend.

Here's my very first

YABU, and what thisisyesterday said.

Their choice as parents but sad if the little one would have liked to have gone to school.

If she is qualified enough to teach to GCSE level in all subjects and is patient enough then academic wise the child should do as well as being at school.

Sorry ButterflyEffect I can't type fast enough so sweeping statements have crept in. I am generally very supportive of HE friends do it, a Steiner school would I'm sure be excellent and I know they considered it but the commute would be huge. Maybe they'll move, who knows.

It is none of my business, they are not my children but is it important for extened family to say anything, when would you put your hand up? Everyone is tiptoeing round this one and if the parents are glad why not say something out loud, surely as parents you have to make decisions on behalf of your kids and defend them.

Glad to hear Anenome that has worked out and that it does cross over easily. Fingers crossed for the cousins.

If you'd asked her about it then you may have had a better idea. Clearly she's someone who thinks very carefully how she parents so I would assume she's thought this through. Just because 'it's what everyone does' is a really crap reason to do something you know.

I don't know her - but if I HE it won't be in another act of aggressive look at me behaviour, but because I think school is largely shit for most children. And maybe, just maybe, a lot of the choices she makes aren't because she is trying to draw attention to herself but because she cares passionately about what she's doing?

He may be a valid option for some whohave well researched and well considered reasons for choosing it. what is a bit is when parents choose it with no other justification other than it fits with their "alternative" lifestyle which they dogmatically and sanctimoniously adhere to, just for the sake of being "alternative". A friend of mine seriously considered home schooling her dd with very valid and real reasons for the choice but managed to get her into a lovely school in the end which hopefully will support her but if things go pear shaped then she may well go for homeschooling once she's done her research.

FWIW OP I think home schooling is SOMETIMES more for the benefit of the parent than the child

My yoga teacher however wants to home school because she's an alternative lifestyle fanaticist and that's what you do when you're alternative. She too acts like the earths fallen in if you dare to suggest "formula" or not co-sleeping or the odd bit of cheese (they're gluten free vegans) etc. She already complains all the time about never getting any time to herself about him not being able to play on his own and it doing her head in so God knows how she'd cope with home schooling.

No Butterflyeffect I am not attacking HE or any alternative choices I am questioning my SiL ability to deliver HE and if it does n't work out will the kids slot into a different education provider. It's a personnel thing about one individual who is not a friend but a relative.

own business your mind

and YABU.

I'm sure your SIL will have to satisfy the local authority that she is capable.

We are considering keeping DD out of school till she is six. We can't get her into the school we want her to go to - but she'll get in with 'casual' entry next year. She's not actually learned to speak clearly yet and would actually benefit (and is benefitting) from one on one care and teaching. To the outside world I'm probably fretful and impatient. But when I sit down with the DC you'd be amazed how patient I can be.

You really can't judge from the outside.

Perhaps you SiL is feeling defensive because she knows how you feel which is why she is snippy around you?

You put it better then me minxofmancunia, the trouble is the co-sleeping did n't work (baby too noisy/restless) so in own room at 8 weeks.

Potty trained from birth but actually ended up wearing 'absorbant pants' (they looked like nappies)

so is this the latest hobby?

whomovedmychocolate - she's hard with all of us - granparents, cousins, random friends. She's a hard person to get to know but we all love BiL so we make an effort, his choice, etc and hopefully she'll settle down and become more confidnt without the aggression.

Butterfly effect as I said we know people in real life who HE but all of them took the choice later I have never met in real life anyone who started straight away, that's my problem hence why I'm here saying 'is it usual never to try at all.'

I'm not surprised the kids looked miserable at this family gathering when there was all this tension in the room and the undercurrent that various people thought negatively of their mother.

I don't see any reason why anyone should question SIL on her choice to home educate. Nobody questioned me on my choice to send DS to school, and I definitely did that for the benefit of me rather than him. OP, have you got kids and did people question you about your decision not to home educate your child, and ask if you were doing it for his benefit rather than yours? Do you think your child will be able to catch up with children who have been home educated?

You have criticised your SIL for being opinionated and believing she is right and everybody else is wrong, but you are the one who wants to pass opinion based on your personal prejudices about what is right or wrong.

YABVU!

God OP you're getting a hard time! A lot of defensive pepes on here. I understand your concerns. But it is their business and I'm sure the child will be fine - home schooling isn't some dreadful prison sentence!

Butterflyeffect I was just checking the up thread HE to school transfer success stories (you lot type fast and spell well) it's your daughter and someone in Anenome school.

Anyone else?

btw, I formula fed both my ds's.
I also used disposable nappies.
I also let them drink fruit shoots.
and guess what?

I Home Ed.

I do not do it as an alternative lifestyle "choice". I do it because my ds1 was let down badly by the education system and because he is now a happy confident little boy again.