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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be utterly sick of DSS's mother now

49 replies

Tanga · 10/09/2010 18:06

DSS wears glasses. Since he first started wearing them, his mother refused to let him bring them to our house. So, life's too short, we just paid for him to get another pair.

Last weekend he forgot to take them off before he went back to his mum's. Have just had a call from DH saying that his ex won't let him bring the glasses for contact - she wants them as he has broken the pair he wears at hers.

Now OK, put on one side the fact that she claims the free pair and we therefore have to pay to get a new pair - but now those glasses are 'hers' she won't let him bring them for contact! So he'll have to spend the whole evening unable to watch telly, play the Wii, go on his bike, read...

I try not to moan, there are mental health issues, but FGS.

OP posts:
Altaira · 10/09/2010 18:08

FFS. Is she always like this? Poor kid.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 10/09/2010 18:11

Why can't he be bring his glasses to yours. Does Dss's mother not let him take them anywhere (eg a friends). Suunds like a form of cruelty to deprive him of his sight. Sounds dreadful. Surely if he needs glasses, he should always have a pair with him.....

So no, YANBU - in fact you have been extra reasonable and kind buying him the spare pair in the first place.

FakePlasticTrees · 10/09/2010 18:11

poor child. How old is he? I think refusing to let a child take their glasses with them is hideous behaviour.

prozacfairy · 10/09/2010 18:13

How fucked up to treat her own son like that. Sad

Is he old enough to take responsibility for them? Ie remember to just bring them anyway?

YANBU to be sick of her selfish behaviour.

FranSanDisco · 10/09/2010 18:15

Poor dss. She sounds rather selfish.

needafootmassage · 10/09/2010 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skidoodly · 10/09/2010 18:16

Fucking hell, that poor child.

She is deranged. They are his glasses, not hers.

The way she is acting is verging on abusive. To deprive a child of his glasses like that is cruel.

Your husband has got to tell her that he expects to see his son with his glasses on and that he will need to involve solicitors is she keeps up with this crazy bullshit.

Altaira · 10/09/2010 18:25

Her behaviour is definitely abusive. I would guess you already access legal advice...

SauvignonBlanche · 10/09/2010 18:26

That's terrible!

ShadeofViolet · 10/09/2010 18:30

She sounds like a loony! Using her childs sight as a weapon against you is terrible.

If it were me, I would still buy him another pair as I couldnt bear for him not to have them, but I would also be getting some legal advice on the issue.

onceamai · 10/09/2010 18:34

Completely outrageous but surely this isn't really an issue about glasses, it's about whether she is capable and should be the main carer. This sounds more like a potential custody issue.

mumbar · 10/09/2010 18:43

OMG thats horrid DC's prescribed glasses are usually meant to wear them all the time. Sounds like a bit of a control freak if you ask me.

May help to know that you can get replacement glasses on the NHS (GOs1 or something form) Could you take him to his optitions and explain his have broken and his mum has kept the spare pair and ask for voucher to replace the broken NHS ones?? I use specsavers and have been really helpful with regards replacement for my DS.

I HATE it when people say this but this to me is a form of neglect/ abuse so yes I would be seeking legal advice or ss help.

Chandon · 10/09/2010 18:44

maybe she things your partner, the boy`s father should pay for things like glasses as well?

Its not between you and her, its between your P and her. Is there a money issue between them? Alimony issues?

Is there a history of the boy taking things to your house that get broken?

Too much we don`t know!

EgyptVanGogh · 10/09/2010 18:44

He needs one pair of glasses to be his regular pair, that he wears all the time.

He needs one back-up pair of glasses at each parent's house.

If a pair breaks, it needs to be replaced. By whom, I don't know, as I don't know the financial arrangements.

Original poster
Tanga · 10/09/2010 18:48

I know - tomorrow I'll be all calm again and we'll just buy him a new pair. I'm just weary - it's been a long week and Friday night is family movie and pizza night (which the spiteful so-and-so doubtless knows) but fine, it can be pizza and game night, we'll have fun.

You have brought a wry grin to my face with the comments about legal advice and changing residence - we'd be laughed out of court. I used to think like that, too, before I saw the Family Courts in action. If you think this behaviour is bad, you should have seen some of the stuff she pulled in the early years! But thanks for the support!

OP posts:
nancydrewrocked · 10/09/2010 18:54

chandon what possible financial situation could exist which would make it acceptable for a mother to abuse her son by depriving him of his sight?

mumbar · 10/09/2010 18:55

really laughed out of court?? Isn't a childs welfare paramount anymore??

I'd be tempted to take 1/2 amount of new glasses off nest months maintenence. Harsh maybe but use the extra to treat DSS hugly next time he visits - after all the monies for his care/ upbringing.

Original poster
Tanga · 10/09/2010 18:55

Oops - sorry - lots of posting I missed! Chandon, if you read the OP, I said DH paid for the glasses - because she used the voucher. To get the other pair for free. So paying for glasses 'as well' is a bit of a baseless jibe. It's not a financial issue as DH has always supported his son. It's not about who pays for them - it's about him not having a pair of glasses to wear tonight at our place!

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 10/09/2010 18:59

This is definitely abuse. You say she has MH issues - is she receiving treatment? If she's capable of being this abusive (depriving a child of his sight, harming his eyesight, out of malice) is she actually a fit person to have custody? What's she doing to the poor boy when he's living with her?

mumbar · 10/09/2010 19:01

try the voucher for replacement thing you should be able to get them free. (see above post)

Not tonight I admit.

Isn't there anyone who could go and collect the glasses - yes its technically a domestic but this is a young lad sight we are talking about. I mean any agency that would get involved for the sake of this poor boy?

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 10/09/2010 19:02

Can't DH go round there and DEMAND the glasses.....

skidoodly · 10/09/2010 19:07

Oh dear Tanga, you do sound weary and jaded. Sorry to hear that our suggestions of legal advice are laughable :(

Can you tell I've worn glasses since I was a child? :) I just can't get my head around what this woman is doing. It is so, so unfair. Being deprived of your glasses is horrible, it makes you feel so vulnerable and helpless. To do that to a child on purpose...

At least he has you guys to have a nice weekend with. Poor, poor kid :(

bethjeff · 10/09/2010 19:08

This sounds like something from the dark ages. How awful.
But kudos to you for keeping calm and being the bigger person (not to mention being a better guardian!) over this.
If this was brought up in a family court I couldn't see there being much argument over it as it is abusive and manipulative behaviour. (I do panel work).
But respect where it is due! Enjoy your night.

TheCrackFox · 10/09/2010 19:14

I agree with SGB. I wear glasses, I need them and they belong to me not where I happen to be sleeping. I do think it is abusive behaviour as she is using this issue to score points with her ex.

mumbar · 10/09/2010 19:38

Yep the same wear glasses except asleep and DS now wears them. Couldn't imagine having to go without them - the sight alone is scary without the headache that accompanies it.

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