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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

that if you're going to ask how I plan to feed my babies, the least you can do is be supportive?

44 replies

MamaChris · 10/09/2010 16:27

Three times this week I've had someone ask how I plan to feed my babies (twins) when they are born. I reply I plan to feed them myself. And what I'd really like in response is a "good plan" or something else encouraging. Instead, I've had a screwed up face and explanations of why I should mix feed (twice, one health care professional, one woman who'd just told me how proud she was to be exclusively feeding her dd) and once why I shouldn't even consider it because it will psychologically damage ds.

I haven't started the discussion any time, but if someone is interested enough to ask, surely they should appreciate that, particularly with the babies due very soon, I would appreciate a positive response? If I'm crazy, I will find out in good time. And if you're a friend or health care professional, you can support me then, rather than telling me why it'll never work before I've even started.

OP posts:

KristinaM · 10/09/2010 18:23

dont worry about the daft old mares you meet on the bus. that includes any useless HCPs

what they actually mean is

" oh i dont know anything about that but i don't want to admit my ignorance"

your plan is great. just line up plenty support ( i mean practical rather than emotional) for the first few months. People to make meals, wash, clean and shop while you sit on the sofa with the remote control, phone etc

you are not crazy. i have a friend who EBf two sets of twins

you will gets lots of good advice here on MN

allbie · 10/09/2010 18:34

I saw a fantastic mother breastfeed her twins in the park at the same time. She sat crossed legged and got them both on and settled them beautifully. I breastfed all 4 of mine, one at a time(!) and that was hard enough! I was in awe of this woman. She was obviously very committed and knew that she could do it and bloody well did! Puts many folk to shame. Good luck, you can do it.

sazzlesb · 10/09/2010 18:38

I had twins and started off with the best of intentions but when told 3 days in that my DS was dehydrated, had no hesitation in turning to the bottle (for both of us!!) Have never seen a drink go down so quickly (him, not me) as that first bottle and even now at 5 years old, he still drinks for Britain. Daughter was so slow at feeding/falling asleep that moved totally to bottle feeding as was beginning to feel like an all-day dairy.
Everyone is different of course. I think the key thing is that you have supportive midwife in hospital and HV afterwards whichever way you go.

catinthehat2 · 10/09/2010 18:43

I agree Sazz - the decision belongs to the mother, nobody else's business other than to support her in looking after her children.

Bumperlicious · 10/09/2010 19:12

Good for you! Good luck!

Everyone likes to have an opinion on everything don't they? And it often isn't positive.

I'm due DC2 in 2 weeks and at a children's party this week a friend of a friend who I know a little, who had her second 4 months ago, just sound down next to me and said 'you know two is really hard'. I was like , why? Why would you say that to someone due any day now, it serves no purpose but to make me anxious.

AliGrylls · 10/09/2010 19:16

Some people are just negative and others are negative because they could not BF one let alone twins.

I am sure you will be successful if you manage to not let them get you down.

Original poster

MamaChris · 10/09/2010 20:50

I forgot, I think, how everyone wants to tell you what it will be like when you're pregnant (even when they don't have direct experience themselves). I'm a bit sensitive these days, will need to grow a thicker skin.

Thanks for all the positive twin bf stories - perfect counterbalance to the week I've had :)

Agree with everyone who's said it's up to each woman how to feed her baby(ies). This wasn't about bf being better, but about other people (friends!) telling me I'm going to fail before I've even started.

OP posts:

Marjee · 10/09/2010 21:15

on your behalf!

Good for you, you seem very determined to bf and theres no reason at all why you won't be able to. You need to let the comments go over your head (or tell them to shut the fuck up) or they'll make you start to doubt yourself which is really not helpful. Good luck with the twins - double the fun!

thesecondcoming · 10/09/2010 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummynoseynora · 10/09/2010 22:20

oh I had that (advance notice of failure) with both DC - its a nightmare! Basically because my sister and mum hadn't done it they assumed I wouldn't!

DD (1) I fed for 10 days
DS (2) I fed for over 6 months - so sod them!

ohh AND another thing!!! with DS it took him a whilte to get into the swing of things, once he started gaining weight well they were asking when I was going to stop already! Annoyed me that much that I didn't bother telling them when I did stop ... evil

thefirstmrsDeVere · 10/09/2010 22:21

mama if you told me that you were planning to bf your twins I would look at you with awe and admiration.

I am sure that would be of absolutly no help at all but it would be sincere.

montoyadiary · 10/09/2010 22:41

totally agree with nigglewiggle, so many people think they're experts about your children. good luck to you, follow your instincts not other people's advice and you'll do great!

My MIL looked at my third (all breastfed)baby the other day and with a tone of complete incredulity commented how extraordinary it is that she can stay alive and grow so fast only having breastmilk!

Good luck!

SandStorm · 10/09/2010 22:45

I couldn't breastfeed either of my two properly. DD1 was prem and by the time she came out of SCBU I had dried up. DD2 fed for 1.5 hours and was then good to go again after 20 mins - it was too tiring for me to continue after 6 weeks.

So, I admire you greatly and wish you all the best. I think you'll be exhausted but that kind of goes with the territory anyway. I'm sure you'll be great at it!

ps. - how does breastfeeding twins traumatise a child anymore than breastfeeding just one child? I confess to being a little confused by this line of thinking...

ChippingIn · 11/09/2010 02:25

All power to you I say!! How dare they be so negative towards you? I'm in awe that you are considering it!

Frankly I would want to mix feed because I would find that easier in public (no longer young enough or slim enough to be this mother...

I saw a fantastic mother breastfeed her twins in the park at the same time. She sat crossed legged and got them both on and settled them beautifully

... and because I could then rope into allow other people to help feed them - even DS when they're a bit bigger.

But that's just me - I would fully support you doing it

legspinner · 11/09/2010 08:10

Good luck MamaChris. I hope you get some more support for b'feeding. I have twins (now 9) and tried all sorts of feeding regimes with them! Had problems b'feeding them but I know plenty of mums of twins who have successfully done it...with older DCs or without! Good luck and all the best with your twins.

proudnglad · 11/09/2010 08:51

Why don't you just reply 'I'm not sure' or change the subject if you don't want to discuss. That's what I did when I decided to bottle feed dc2 because I knew I'd get grief from all and sundry and I knew it was my decision, not theirs.

I think you have an excellent attitude btw - you want to give it your best shot but realise you won't know how it works out until your lovely twins arrive.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 11/09/2010 09:02

MamaChris - just wanted to say good luck and go for it!

Do you have plenty of help lined up for once the babies are here - cooking, giving some focus to DS, washing etc?

stropicana · 11/09/2010 09:12

YANBU. FWIW If you believe you can it really will help. Enjoy your babies.

mollycuddles · 11/09/2010 09:25

Yanbu

And starting with the belief that it will work is the best way to go. I never for a second doubted I'd ebf my third despite the nay sayers (mainly my mum). I ebf my second but apparently I might struggle because I'm older. My mum ff all three of us. She is now eating her words and is amazed at how dd2 is thriving and was telling her brother whose youngest daughter has just had a baby how brilliant bf is. I'd love twins (maybe next time - not that we've decided there will be a next time)

good luck and congratulations

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