in thinking some mothers could have more "me" time they just choose to be martyrs at the alter of parenthood and just love reminding you of it at every opportunity???!

[minxofmancunia]

Sorry, will prob get flamed and before I start i KNOW single mums don't have these opportunities, Iknow some women have shitty uncooperative partners who they can't leave/change...just a disclaimer.

DH commented to a mum yesterday who we know pretty well and said i was having a full day "off" for the first time in almost a year, ds 9(11m) has started nursery 3 days a week and I'm taking 2 weeks al prior to starting back at work 3 days a week so am having 6 days off although have lots to sort. However made no appointments.arrangements yesterday as I just wanted a day without ANYTHING. Next year when dd (nearly 4) starts school all AL will be taken up with school holidays etc.

She made some comment about me having "quite a lot of time to myself" having seen MiL in the park with dcs a couple of times. MiL has taken them out for a couple of hours maybe 4x this past year, I'm grateful clearly but it's hardly "a lot of time to myself".

She's also commented on how I do stuff for myself "all the time" she means evening stuff like gym yoga and going to theatre/cinema with friends and has said how she never does anything because she "can't". I've also been away overnight a couple of times leaving dh with the dcs. Her reason she "can't" leave her 2 (older) dcs with her dh as he won't look after them "properly" he might not "cope" . He's a capable adult male with a responsible career, he's able to cope she just doesn't bloody let him.

AIBU in thinking this is just one example of typical mummy martyrdom, the opportunity is there for her to do stuff she just because of her own stuff going on chooses not to. I've eveb dragged her out on a few nights out just to show her she can have a life. Her dh has even commented she never leaves her dcs alone and she could do with some time out, she's just CHOOSING not to!!

Haven't read the entire thread but my dh would be more than happy to give me 'me time' to go gymming or swimming or have my hair done or go shopping or whatever..

but I don't want it.

I want time with him. That's what I want. The odd night out as a couple.

I know we could get a babysitter but I'm not quite there yet, and family are far away.

I don't go on about it or in fact EVER comment on it but I do secretly envy people with a lot of family support for many, many reasons - not only for me but for ds too, it would be nice to have a nana or granddad around just to be, well, around.

Sometimes, we are all just wistful. I am no mummy martyr, believe me.. but I do wonder what it would be like to have a different type of community around me.

I left dd's 6,3 and1 with DP for a week in the summer and we were both surprised by how positive his experience was.

He really enjoyed it and so did they. I came back to s clean house, champagne and a home made cake!

I always assumed it was normal to want time to self. I couldn't imagine not having it. All it is, is 2 hours a week on a saturday just to remember that there is another side to AliGrylls other than being a mother.

There is a point to what Orm says however, in the cases I am aware of a lot of the "mummy martyrdom" is about control and wanting things done in a particular way.

My Mum went away for a week on her own when I was 7. I remember being utterly devistated that I had been left with my Dad and older siblings. When she got back I felt quite differently towards her.
Maybe I was just a wierd sensitive kid though

My parents often went away when I was a child, I went to stay Grannny where all manner of exotic things took place. A nip of Cinzano here, a game of Rummikub there... it was thoroughly decadent for all concerned.

Now DS does the same: stays up until 10pm and apparently has sugar on his weetabix

While I was away, I was very homesick indeed. I didn't enjoy it at all.

But the kids were fine. Certainly haven't noticed any difference in behaviour.

Im going to shock some of you.
Im thinking of giving up my 14 hours a week job and be a SAHM.
But im also thinking if im able to claim the benefits im hoping to im going to keep sending them to their childminder even though there would be no need for it.

I think you'll get bored quite quickly Ferret.
when Ds is asleep in the afternoon I love watching Upstairs Downstairs and eating chocs!
But if I had to do it all day every day I'd go mental

I like MaamRuby's solution.

Have to buy a bigger shed first, in our case.

I must be a terrible mum - I have at least 1 week away in the sun every year with a friend or my mum. I love the sun - DH hates it. He is an exceptionally good Dad and does a fab job of looking after DS's (8 and 16 and 19) I come back to a mountain of ironing but they definately appreciate me more. DH also has trips away to cold places to fish - Urgh! We all have holiday together in the summer. Everyone is happy and appreciated. We are older parents so probably a little more selfish but I adore my kids and know I am a better mum by being a happy mum.

I'll have to sort of thread him through the lawmower handle, I think.

Oh they wont go everyday, I only pay my childminder for 2 days a week. Definitely wouldnt get bored though would give me much needed time to sit in a coffee shop eating cake and reading do the hoovering.

Have you tried one of those vacuum packs where you suck all the air out with a hoover?

Happy to help.

Me and my friends were laughing at each other the other day because we were talking about our first borns starting school and wondering what we were going to do with all the spare time we would have while just looking after our second borns.

I reminded eveyone that when we only had our first borns, we thought looking after one baby was hard work and yet now it seemed like a breeze...

When the DC2's got to school, we're going to be lost!!

Why does anyone think you can be bored at home without DC to look after? Don't people have interests/hobbies? I help my DH run his business from home - about two hours a week max - my DS is at school - I am never 'bored' - (unless I'm spending too much time on mumsnet!) - surely there are 100s of things to do either at home, or get involved in the community (good way to find babysitters if you don't have family) - read, walk, exercise, window shop, go to the library, museums etc none of these cost money.

Hey Al Ive just posted!

Ha I'd forgotten, im foisting the children on my parents this weekend for a house party with lots of drinking involved and in October im dumping them with relatives whilst DH and I go down to London for our anniversary!

haha LeQueen

YANBU. She's a control freak. So am I but have got a bit better with time. Her DH can look after the DC ok- but not in the way she wants him too. I can totally relate.

Personally I love doing stuff with DD and if we can involves others even better but I love my "me" time when she goes to her dad's some weekends. I think it's healthy to have a bit of time apart.

Different strokes for different folks

I cannot for the life of me understand why anyone would choose to have a child with a person they feel is unable to cope with looking after one.