To worry that opting out of the inane fakery at the school gates will have neg effects for the dc?

[MilaMae]

I find the face splitting smiles at just about everybody,the animated discussions over buggar all and the consistent working of the social circuit exhausting(and a tad annoying as it's so obviously fake) just to watch so don't really partake.

I'm quite fussy and have a few lovely friends,not hoards but just a few. I'm 42 and time is precious so just haven't the patience to smooze with people I find boring just because it's the school social circuit. As a result I just chat to people I find interesting and I like. I'm always polite but don't do the frantic waving,laughing and socialising with masses of mums anymore.

I only ever arrange playdates if my dc beg or we have to reciprocate. I've noticed quite a few mums invite hoards and kind of try to maniplulate kids into relationships iykwim.

My kids are happy(they have a small smattering of friends at school and outside they like and seem normal relationshipwise),I'm happy but worry I could be making them anti-social. Also worried that later on(oldest Y2)they'll wish I'd made more of an effort on their behalf.

Is the done thing these days to have a huge social circuit? Do most mums just put up with the endless socialising or are they like me and just refuse to be ultra friendly with people they regard as fake or errrr just don't like? Should I be making more of an effort?

TIA

mass social frenzy / working the circuit ??!?!

what on earth are you on about? where is this school?

Agree with BIrdly but have to say the school gate scenario is as good and/or bad as any workplace one - it's about how you chose to conduct yourself & where you place yourself.

I think its quite funny actually, the new mums will think I am in a clique as I am very friendly with two others on the Parents committee (which i joined as they were short of people and I felt sorry for them!)

Generally people who are "confident in your skin" don't spend their time belittling others.

You are boring us with details of your social life ("I can barely fit in my friends/ my kids real friends/families/bday parties") - so you are different to these people how?

And how did "only a few" friends turn into "10 lovely school gate friends".

OP you sound like a sad sort of a person, you are right "time is precious", stop wasting it on this sort of insecure nonsense and embrace life.

Well lucky you Caro it doesn't exist at your school,it does at ours-schools do differ.

I have to say I'm not the only one to have noticed it at ours.

Neourotic I've always been polite,not sure that keeping myself to myself and focusing on my friends makes me a nasty piece of work .

Judging people by the way they look (esp mum's in playground) and speaking only to those who look interesting is pretty nasty!

Are you going to answer my question; what makes xomeone look interesting?

Somebody who I might have a lot in common with which with the best will in the world isn't going to be everybody although I'm polite and will chat to anybody who chats to me.

Still not answered the question.

What actually makes them look interesting? Description if you please?

My best "mum friend" is a decade older than me and my exact opposite in just about every way. Unlike me she is not a gob on legs but despite this/because of this we are the closest of friends. If I had judged her superficially I would never have become her friend and that would have bee quite frankly my loss.

Me thinks thou doest protest too much OP.

Chill out. What possible harm can cheery people do you?

Don't join in, that's your perogative but blimey calling people fake cos they're a bit more demonstrative than you is mean.

For the 10th time I do chat to people I just don't try to forge friendships with anybody and everybody. I'll chat to anybody standing next to me and have made some lovely friends that way.

I'm quite outdoorsy,have boys and girls,quite quiet,an older mum,sense of humour,same parenting style so generally those are the types I'd actively approach which I tend to do less these days as I'm happy with my lot.

I've had people approach me who I probably wouldn't have ever actively approached and we've gone on to become good friends so I'm not superior or nasty.

Have I answered your question?

PS Opting out won't effect your kids but being a maungy old moo might.

"I'll chat to anybody standing next to me"?. Gosh, how fake!

So whats your point?

Its ok for you to chat to people but if anyone else does it then they are fake?

It does very much depend on the school.We have recently changed school and the parents are all down to earth friendly types.At the old school there was SO much social climbing going on it was horrid.

I think the nasty,abusive tone is uncalled for.

Not worth worrying about, your dc will be free friendships and they are the better kind

Thanks Brassband,that's rapidly the conclusion I'm coming to.

Thanks Ivy

MilaMae, it sounds like you and I could be friends

I walked to school by myself from the age of 5 (no roads between my house and school) and my Mum never came in to contact with other Mum's. Didn't stop me making good friends. This was the 80's and things like 'playdates' and sleepovers just were not heard of. It's very American. We were just left to our own devices and made friends naturally.

That said I know there is a mass paranoia now for parents. Paedophiles on every street corner, bullying in every classroom. I'm not making light of this, I know these things happen but sometimes it feels like the media has backed us in to a paranoid corner. We have had to adjust our social interaction to only socialise with people we have vetted and trust. This means we are in the schhol yard vetting/judging (it's called natural selection) to make sure that the person is good enough to interact with our child. Maybe this can only get worse. Eeek.

Any

Thanks Fio

YANBU

My sister would never mix with any parents for reasons which I thought at the time were a bit unreasonable.

I made an effort with my first child because everyone was doing it and stupidly I thought I was doing the right thing. How wrong I was. It has been extremely stressful.

I know have learnt my lesson. My other child recently started school and I will not be making the same mistakes.

I will remain polite and friendly but will be a more cautious.

I really dont like parents trying to force friendships between the children for their own ends. The constant comparing of the children, who's doing better, the jealousy. I have realised how very fake some of the mothers really are!