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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this woman is either badly organised or bone idle?

333 replies

Rosieeo · 07/09/2010 09:51

My eldest went back to school yesterday, to reception class. She attended the nursery last year. A woman whose eldest child is in the year above my DC was complaining to us at the gates.

Last year this woman, who has three DC, was consistently late for school. At the earliest running up as the bell went (fair enough) but more often than not 10-15 minutes late. In the end the school gave her a bollocking (they're very hot on timekeeping), wrote to her, had meetings, but it never made a lot of difference.

Yesterday (first day) they were just over 5 minutes late and she said that the teacher had already pulled her up on her timekeeping. She felt that the teacher was out of order and that no one appreciated how difficult it was to get to school for 8.50am with three DC. Her younger ones are about 3 and 1.

I don't have a lot of sympathy, I'm afraid. I know it can be difficult and frustrating getting out of the house in the morning, I honestly do! Plus, I only have two kids. But at the risk of sounding like Miss Smug, I have NO problems getting to school for 8.50am (we're normally up at 6.30/7am) and when I have to be at work we're out the door at 7.45am. That's hard work, but still! This woman lives a ten minute walk from school and doesn't work. I'm not trying to start a SAHM/WOHM debate, just saying that she doesn't then have to get somewhere else.

I didn't say anything, because I don't really know her that well, but AIBU to think that she's either badly organised or bone idle and totally unfair to her son who gets into bother almost every day because of such bad timekeeping?

OP posts:
prettybird · 07/09/2010 12:14

Expay=Expat of course Blush

FioFio · 07/09/2010 12:15

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LadyBiscuit · 07/09/2010 12:18

mamatomany - it is up to you actually. You're her mum, it's your job to make sure she gets to school on time.

3isthemagicnumber · 07/09/2010 12:19

As an aside from the rights or wrongs of this particular situation...
Those that seem to believe that 10 or 15 mins late is not a big deal to education maybe you need to consider 2 basic facts...

  1. The time in the school day is finite, there are no spare 10 or 15 mins anymore. At my school, the first 15 minutes of every day is for specific phonics teaching. If a child is missing that every day,for example, then there is undoubted 'harm' to their progress.

2)The first 5 minutes of a school day, the lining up, hanging coats up, walking in with the rest of the class etc is really essential to ensuring a childs smooth start to the day and serves as the best way to be 'school ready'. Have you not ever been 5 or 10 mins late for a meeting, professional or soicial, etc and the rushing and lateness makes you feel that you are playing catch up or have missed out on something possibly important(even if you havent iykwim)?
That is the feeling that late children have to cope with all the time, and no its not fair on them.

Morloth · 07/09/2010 12:27

Our school closes the door at 9am, if you are not there they will not let you in until 9:30am when the kids change activities.

There is a 15 minute window, door opens at 8:45am, I aim for this so I have a buffer.

I don't understand how people are late everyday, sometimes it all goes to shit but if you are consistently late, you need to change something.

mamatomany · 07/09/2010 12:30

Well as i say I'm not prepared to make her childhood a misery, some days we make it, some days we don't, so what.
Social services have far more important issues to deal with than late kids, like the ones that are sent to school by their parents and don't arrive.
Do you really want resources diverted ?

FellatioNelson · 07/09/2010 12:30

Apart from holding up the school day for everyone else, it is teaching children that it is not important to co-operate with others for the greater good of an organisation. How will they cope in the big wide world of work if they have no concept of routine and commitment and discipline? I know not everyone is destined to work in a 9-5 office or the army, but these are still valuable life skills that need to be reinforced when you are in a mainstream school or work environment. If it's not your bag, then fine, home-ed by all means, but if you are going to avail yourself of a system that depends on co-operation to run smoothly then it's important to co-operate, not just cherry-pick.

GetOrfMoiLand · 07/09/2010 12:33

Agree Fellatio.

Mama it is up to you to make sure your chold goes to school on time. It is not making her childhood a misery, it is making her school like easier for her.

If she is awake until 11 at night what is she doing?

FioFio · 07/09/2010 12:35

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TigerFeet · 07/09/2010 12:35

I could so easily be the woman the OP is talking about. I have horrendous trouble with timekeeping, am frequently late, I seem to be a walking disaster area when it comes to getting to places on time - the unexpected always seems to happen to me.

However I do my damndest to make sure that dd1 gets to school on time, for all the reasons that 3isthemagicnumber lists above. The rest of the day can often go to pot, but it's really rare for dd1 to be late. She is often running across the playground as the bell rings, but can do the whole arriving at school routine with her classmates.

I just think it's really important for her to be on time. If I am late for work or late for an appointment, it's only me that suffers, not my children.

It's hard and stressful, and I often collapse at my desk at 9.30 having needed 3.5 hours to get everyone out of the house and where they need to be. I'm sure that plenty of others wouldn't need as long but that just seems to be the way things roll for our family in the mornings.

I think the issue here isn't so much the mother's lateness per se, but her reaction to being pulled up on it. If I were approached by the school regarding dd's lateness I would be mortified and be on my best behaviour for some time to come. If there were extenuating circs then surely the school would be aware of them and not pull the mother up all the time? IMO she needs to stop seeing herself as being victimised and pull her socks up for the sake of her dc's.

Everyone's late from time to time, we all have uncooperative children, babies with exploding nappies, cars that won't start, illness or injury occasionally which means that we might be late from time to time. But to be consistently late for no reason and then to deny you have a problem and make out you're being victimised is out of order imvho

TigerFeet · 07/09/2010 12:37

mamatomany - I take it that your dd's school haven't commented on your timekeeping? I'd be interested to know what you'd do if they did?

kittywise · 07/09/2010 12:43

She is crap and disorganised from what you have said. Late every day that's shit.
I have 6 kids, when the youngest was a new born the eldest was only 8. I have NEVER been late for school because of my own lack of organisation. Traffic jams, weather etc yes, because Im disorganised no.
The woman should get her act together., silly bint, she should get up earlier and leave the house earlier.

PosieParker · 07/09/2010 12:43

Mama....it's not just about you is it? It's not even just about your child, it's about the whole class....incredibly selfish.

kittywise · 07/09/2010 12:54

mama are you one of those mad bohemian parents who think that rules are bad for you? Only for you of course because if no one else followed the rules either then your life would be unbearable wouldn't it?

GetOrfMoiLand · 07/09/2010 12:56

6 children aged 8 and under?

Flighttattendant · 07/09/2010 12:57

I was right all along...AIBU is indeed full of bastards.

I'm so glad it's hidden, I only come in here from time to time and each time find it's got worse.

PosieParker · 07/09/2010 12:58

Are you okay Flight?

kittywise · 07/09/2010 12:59

Yes, well, bloody hard work, the beer is very helpful thoughWink

GetOrfMoiLand · 07/09/2010 13:01

We are not bastards flight Sad

In response to the woman described in the OP, she seems to be constantly late and is moaning that the school is complaining about it. I think people making the assumption that she is a bit slack is not unfair, tbh.

We all know someone at work or whatever who is constantly late and slack. It's crap, for both them (nobody ever takes them seriously) and their colleagues (who resent them).

Don't call us bastards for pointing out that lateness is a trait to avoid.

PosieParker · 07/09/2010 13:02

(I have a friend who had six, six and under...she's amazing)

Flighttattendant · 07/09/2010 13:09

Not all of you Getorf

but the general tone of the threads, if this one is anything to go by - it's vicious isn't it

why is there a need for it.

I cannot understand why anyone wants to be here. It's a shit part of mumsnet.

Posie, thankyou dear I am fine x

FioFio · 07/09/2010 13:12

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Flighttattendant · 07/09/2010 13:17

God Fio I didn't mean you.

I'm on your side mate.

bigchris · 07/09/2010 13:20

Completely agree with 3isthe magic number

can't believe the op is getting a flaming either

it's setting a crap example to your kids letting them be late for school everyday

You'll be on here when they've been excluded from secondary school for being consistently late moaning about it,- and when they fail to keep jobs and want to live off you

Flighttattendant · 07/09/2010 13:20

I really didn't mean to upset people. I'm so sorry.

I'm worse than all of you.

I just hate all the fighting and nasty stuff, I really do, the judging and flinging of insults and all that. Most posts on here are fine but oh I do hate the nasty ones.

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