WIBU? Lashed out at DH’s family a bit

[sterrryerryoh]

Oh Bugger - long post, sorry
I lashed out at my Dh?s cousin?s girlfriend

So WIBU?

DH and I have adopted a baby, and we couldn?t be more thrilled. The adoption journey began three years ago after several years of IVF and TTC. Not once during all of this time has anyone in DH?s family asked us how we are or how things are going, despite knowing all about the IVF/Adoption etc through DH?s mum.
Not a problem to us - some people just don?t want to interfere or know what to say. It has never bothered us, their apparent indifference, as we know there may well have been reasons etc.

We adopted our DS in January this year. To date, only one of DH?s cousins have met him (and this is a close family - we used to see each other about once a month) - we asked DH?s brother why they were staying away, and he said it was so ?we could bond? as a family. OK, fine - we have sent them all messages to say they are welcome to come round, but no real responses until the Friday just gone by.

It was DH?s cousin?s 30th - we all went out for a meal. DH?s OTHER cousin and his girlfriend are expecting. A little way into the meal she said to me ?Sorry about being pregnant. It must be gutting for you?
I said ?Erm? what?? and she said ?With you having to adopt and not have your own. Just saying, sorry?
So I said, ?It?s fine - I have my lovely DS, and am fully aware that other people get pregnant - I?m thrilled for you? - so then she said, ?Oh good - we were wondering - is it you that?s barren or is it DH that?s firing blanks? - cue much laughing and chortling at the table. So DH replied ?You know, that?s a bit personal and insensitive? and she said ?Well, sterrry said she?s alright with it, so come on - give us the goss? We?ve been dying to ask?

So, I calmly replied ?If you genuinely wanted to know what our difficulties were, the time for you to talk to us and offer support might have been during the invasive fertility testing a few years ago. Or it might have been during our failed IVF cycles, or it might have been at some point over the last three years of our Insanely painful and highly emotional adoption journey. To be honest, saying this poisonous crap to us right now smacks of insensitivity and voyeurism? to which she replied ?so it?s you then, and he's alright.?
DH and I looked at one another, stood up and I said ?Hope your fucking food chokes you, you bitch? and walked out.

Bit dramatic I know, but she?s a cow, right?

Or did I just bring myself down to her level?

DH think I did just fine, and he?s completely behind me, but I feel a bit of an arse, as they?re his family and I might have made things a bit horrible now?.

You're a *
well done for such a fantastic response (the kind of thing that comes to me the next day!)
glad you and dh acted as one on this
oh and congratulations on your new ds

bitch bitch bitch. AND you did amazingly, just came out with the perfect kind of response which I would normally come up with at 4am after 6 hours stewing over it alone, well after the opportunity to say it has passed!!!!!! A resounding NO from me; you are not being unreasonable.

You are a brilliant woman, with a lovely dh and a gorgeous son. She is a nasty and vindictive girl who hasn't grown up and hasn't learnt that life doesn't always pan out the way you were expecting it to.

If I had been there with you I would have thrown my drink at her and probably my dh's too. I also would have followed you out that door.
YABU for not picking up your plate of food and throwing down her neck to choke her yourself.

So in the words of the partridge family

"I think I love you"

definite admiration though!

You're right Sterry - you do get some bizarre comments about adoptions mostly becasue its outside of many people experience and some people don;t engage their brain before their mouth. I give people a great deal of leeway if I feel they are attempting to be pleasant but she was, as you identified, just being 100% bitch.

I'm impressed - I would have gone very red and said "fuck the fuck off"

Second the idea of emailing her this link!

(I think I may also have a little crush on your DH)

YANBU! Well done for standing up to the stupid bint!

Congratulations on your ds. At least now he won't have to put up with their crap now she has shown her true colours.

Wow! Don't feel bad, she had it coming to her. She owes you an apology.

What a despicable, abhorrent, evil, malicious, disgusting, ignorant bitch!!!!! I am foaming at the mouth right now in your behalf, sterrryerryoh, hoping I had been there to slap her as soon as you guys had left. Maybe I would have spat on her too.

I feel sorry for their baby, he/she is going to have a twat for a mother. On the other hand, I feel very happy for your son... he's got rid of an obnoxious relative before she had the chance of spewing any of her bile on him.

And yes, I also feel I have a platonic crush on your DH :)

Well done, Sterry! I always think of a decent put down about two hours after it was required so I'm delighted to hear that you gave yours in a timely fashion.
Huge congratulations to you and your dh on the arrival of your ds.

Well said and Amen! And congratulations on your DS.

There are no words for this woman's utter out-of-orderness.

Oh yes, show her this thread. 180 posts can't all be wrong...

What did the text from the brother say?

Or was it email?

Can´t find it anywhere

Here you Diddl

sterrryerryoh Mon 06-Sep-10 13:39:41

Thank you all - I don?t regret saying it, but woke up on Sat feeling really childish, like I should have just ignored it and then thought about it again this morning, and I just felt as though I?d really brought myself down to their level and was as unreasonable as she was. "On Sat DH got a text from his brother saying ?Well, THAT was a fun night? "- so I thought maybe I?d made things a lot worse. I am really angry with them all, though - I feel like they?ve been gossiping about our fertility problems, and obviously have no idea how hard it is

Even just writing it all down helps, and your comments have made me feel a bit better. Thank you

Congratulations on you brand new addition!!!!!

.....and for telling the bitch where to go!

hello...has there been any further contact from "the dark side" ?

sterry, you must update us if there are any more developments ...

Just to add to the unanimous standing ovation, sterry...

I went through years of TTC, repeated late miscarriages and then tried to adopt and was rejected. If someone had said anything like that woman did to you, she would not be alive today. What you said was restrained and eloquent, and hopefully gave her something to think about for a long time. By the sounds of it, though, she's so insensitive it won't even have penetrated her head.

I now have a lovely DS - conceived by some miracle one month before IVF started - and know, like you, that no-one needs that kind of poisonous cow in their lives. I hope you never have to see her again.

Hi all
Still a bit overwhelmed by this legion of support.
Not much to update other than the ?mouthy one? has de- friended me from facebook (not sure when, but she?s not on my list now) and DH has had another text from his brother saying ?Just to warn you - Mouthy will be at Mum?s this weekend, so it might be best not to come up if you were planning to?
(He didn?t say Mouthy of course, but I?m loving that name on her)
Well, we weren?t planning on going, and even if we were, we wouldn?t change our plans to take our DS to see HIS grandma just because of her. Knowing his brother, this is just a way of trying to engage us and get our reactions, as he NEVER texts and it seems a bit odd, as we hadn?t arranged to see DH?s mum this weekend anyway. DH still hasn?t replied. He says that a dignified silence gives us the high ground until we actually speak to them face-to-face.

omfg...how dare they try to warn you off...

it seems they do think you were in the wrong, and like I said, they were never going to "get it" no matter how brilliant your "wake up call" to them was (and it was, oh yes, indeedy....)

no great loss

Such a shame they don't know how vilified they are...would be immense satisfaction from bursting that smug bubble. Pustules.

Well, it might be that he was saying you might wish to avoid seeing her. Maybe?

The thing is, with people like that , what will be mainly reported at this stage is that you effectively told her to fuck off. The outrageous lead-up to that will get lost in translation. So you're almost certainly being reported to all and sundry as the bad guys. Unfair, I know, but you can't legislate for people like that except to have as little to do with them in life as you can.

However, as and when you do speak to any of the family about this, I suggest your DH's first port of call is to his mother and ask her to show some loyalty to you both and not entertain Mouthy until she apologises.

i would have thought they'd try to apologise in the cold light of day....but then some people never really realise when they are in the wrong..

Sterry-your husband´s parents weren´t there were they?

What do they think of it all?

So no one has apologised or contacted you to say they´re sorry that they said nothing at the time but can´t believe what a bitch "Mouthy" was to you?

What a vile, nasty excuse of a woman (and to think she is breeding!). The others who laughed along aren't any better. I feel so sad for you both after everything you've been through to have put up with that crap from 'family'. People are unbelievable.

It is disgusting that none of them have apologised yet - not even the cousin. The nerve of the mouthy cow to de-friend you on FB first! I think your fantastic come back showed her up to be the insensitive horrid cow that she is - not that I like to see anyone humiliated, but she had it coming (not that's she's learnt from it sadly). You dont' need people like this in your lives.

Congratulations to you and your DH on your DS! Well done for supporting each other.

OMFG.

O M F G!

What a fucking cow.

You were restrained IMO.

Go you!

And CONGRATS on your lovely DS :) x

I second that Clam. I was wondering whether DH's Mum knew what had been said by Mouthy. Surely she wouldn't want to entertain such a vicious unpleasant creature, or if she feels obliged to perhaps she could demonstrate her displeasure in some other way. The way this girl behaved was appalling but I'm glad you don't feel that you have to avoid family events on her behalf Sterry. She is the one who should feel incredibly embarrassed and apprehensive about seeing you again. I hope she doesn't drive you away but can understand if you might feel very reluctant to see her again!

Yeah, the other people laughing and tittering were cunts too. Forgot that bit