WIBU? Lashed out at DH’s family a bit

[sterrryerryoh]

Oh Bugger - long post, sorry
I lashed out at my Dh?s cousin?s girlfriend

So WIBU?

DH and I have adopted a baby, and we couldn?t be more thrilled. The adoption journey began three years ago after several years of IVF and TTC. Not once during all of this time has anyone in DH?s family asked us how we are or how things are going, despite knowing all about the IVF/Adoption etc through DH?s mum.
Not a problem to us - some people just don?t want to interfere or know what to say. It has never bothered us, their apparent indifference, as we know there may well have been reasons etc.

We adopted our DS in January this year. To date, only one of DH?s cousins have met him (and this is a close family - we used to see each other about once a month) - we asked DH?s brother why they were staying away, and he said it was so ?we could bond? as a family. OK, fine - we have sent them all messages to say they are welcome to come round, but no real responses until the Friday just gone by.

It was DH?s cousin?s 30th - we all went out for a meal. DH?s OTHER cousin and his girlfriend are expecting. A little way into the meal she said to me ?Sorry about being pregnant. It must be gutting for you?
I said ?Erm? what?? and she said ?With you having to adopt and not have your own. Just saying, sorry?
So I said, ?It?s fine - I have my lovely DS, and am fully aware that other people get pregnant - I?m thrilled for you? - so then she said, ?Oh good - we were wondering - is it you that?s barren or is it DH that?s firing blanks? - cue much laughing and chortling at the table. So DH replied ?You know, that?s a bit personal and insensitive? and she said ?Well, sterrry said she?s alright with it, so come on - give us the goss? We?ve been dying to ask?

So, I calmly replied ?If you genuinely wanted to know what our difficulties were, the time for you to talk to us and offer support might have been during the invasive fertility testing a few years ago. Or it might have been during our failed IVF cycles, or it might have been at some point over the last three years of our Insanely painful and highly emotional adoption journey. To be honest, saying this poisonous crap to us right now smacks of insensitivity and voyeurism? to which she replied ?so it?s you then, and he's alright.?
DH and I looked at one another, stood up and I said ?Hope your fucking food chokes you, you bitch? and walked out.

Bit dramatic I know, but she?s a cow, right?

Or did I just bring myself down to her level?

DH think I did just fine, and he?s completely behind me, but I feel a bit of an arse, as they?re his family and I might have made things a bit horrible now?.

Sterry, you are my new HERO

I think you showed amazing dignity and bravery. If I had overheard you in a restaurant, I would've given you a standing ovation! I just hope a little of what you said might get through to the bastards.

And she made a mistake - you DO have your 'own' child; your lovely DS. Who has the most wonderful mummy in the world, judging by things

Oh my god, my jaw just hit the floor when you were describing the initial conversation but her last comment is absolutely unbelievable. I am VERY impressed you did not punch her.

You said exactly what deserved to be said. Congratulations on your DS and lovely lovely DH but commiserations on being semi related to such a cow.

It wasn't bigmouth whi was pregnant, it was another cousin
(who presumably was joining in :()
Sorry to the people wishing piles on bigmouth :o

Just logged back in, and you lot have got me in floods of tears. Thank you so much for all of your kind words and support - you have no idea how much this means to me. Bollocks to people who say that forums like this are just ?anonymous people, and stranger?s opinions? - the things you amazing women have said to me have been supportive and real, and I can?t believe how good you have made me feel. From the bottom of my heart, thank you

No it was the pregnant woman who was being a bitch wasn't it? Sterry - please come back and confirm. She's not even got the excuse of being pissed and lairy which makes it 100% worse.

I am also still angry. Where does she live? We should send a herd of MNers round to her house, armed with flaming pitchforks :o

Yes, it was DH?s cousin?s pregnant girlfriend who was being mouthy. Not drinking, just a cow, surrounded by her entourage

ach they can all have piles for joining in laughing and not gagging bigmouth

How on earth did you avoid slapping her?

Sterry we all you may you cry but it was a good thing

I often think its the anomity that makes mn so great. These people don't know the op from Eve so are all honest which gives a better perspective.

In this case its a full house YANBU, shes a @^&!, your DH and DS are lucky to have you and much more good stuff

Just got the chance to read this now. Sterry, you handled the situation with grace and aplomb.

You were definitely not being unreasonable.

Hopefully this bitch harpy won't bother you again.

actually I feel sorry for this poor woman, being vilified by a bunch of Mumsnet bitches !!

actually, no

fuck her and all who ride with her

AnyFucker - as ever, the classic MN response and dealt with handsomely :)

You know how sometimes you can clearly see there might be another way of viewing an AIBU? This ain't that. I cannot see any other way of viewing the OP except as a bunch of voyeuristic mofos wanting to get the goss on someone else's fertility issues. There is no excuse whatsoever for this. Unacceptably vicious.

What a family your DH has, they are unbeleivable
Your son is so lucky to have such amazing parents, look after each other and forget the rest they aren't worth it.

Christ. What a nasty bitch that woman is. You were right to react as you did. For her to continue being a bitch after what you had said beggars belief. Surely the other people who heard what was said must have thought she was a bitch too. Surely. YANBU

Wow! Well done you for standing up to such rude and unpleasant behaviour. I'd have fumed, cried or snuck away (and I'm a pretty outspoken person) but would have desperately wanted to point out that all sorts of idiots i.e. her, end up pregnant but it's only truly special people who are chosen to be parents.

Your son is so fortunate to have you and your DH as the parents chosen especially for him. I hope that the three of you know this now and in the future.

Sterry you are wonderful. All the best with your new and lovely son.

oh yes, sorry, I took "she" to mean the first cousin

op well done
and congrats on your DS

God, well done you for standing up for yourself in such a horrible situation! I would have probably cried or laughed it off and then hated myself for it. She is a BITCH and deserved it.

You have nothing to feel bad about. In fact I think you should feel bloody brilliant for handling it so well!

You, madam, are amazing. And I bet your lovely son thinks so too. Can we please make a special shiny badge: "MNer of the Year?"

Was about to head off to bed but have just read through this whole thread.

Sterry (wonderful name by the way) I just wanted to add what everyone else has said.

YANBU (I think that's my first!)

I like to think I'd have been as calm with the poisonous, nasty, evil cow exactly as you were, but to be honest I would probably have just told her to fuck right off.

I feel so sorry for the child she's carrying being brought up with such vile attitudes.

And, saving the most important thing till last, congratulations to you and your DH on the arrival of your DS. He's very lucky to have such a clever and feisty Mummy!

Double congratulations from me.

Firstly, for the arrival of your beautiful DS, congratulations

Secondly, for handling a horrible situation with incredible good grace, congratulations You are a far better woman than I'll ever be

Smuggery will get you nowhere, a lesson this woman may learn one day (when her piles are killing her in late pregnancy perhaps?!)

Reading the OP made me really angry and sad too.

I think you may have a first here - not one single criticism or accusation of being unreasonable!

Here's nearly some....... I am so envious of your ability to hold your head up high, deliver such a fantastic metaphorical kick to the fanjo and have such a wonderful relationship with your DH. On top of that, going through everything you did to get to where you are now. It's unreasonable that I am soooooo not that cool!

I join the bravo crowd - you're one heck of chick!!

Oh, and email her the link to this thread :o

Tell her what we all think of her!!!!!!